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HELP!!!

NEVERMIND
I give up.  I'm just going to talk it over with my fiance and we will decide without any outside influence, as that seems to be what's best for us.

Re: HELP!!!

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    6fsn6fsn member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    "So we would most likely elope before the end of this year. We don't know when the wedding will be because we don't know when he'll be off at training"

    If you elope at the end of the year, that's when the wedding will be.
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    zsazsa-stlzsazsa-stl member
    First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited March 2012
    Plan a private ceremony at the end of this year if you want, but please be sure that you are actually ready to be married.  Don't rush into anything based on what a recruiter said. 

    If you want to have a party later after you have had time to save up they money for a big party, then do that.  But call it a reception or a vow renewal if you have already done the wedding privately.
    image

    I just a friendly gal looking for options.

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    DG1DG1 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_help-25?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:986d6c87-c072-40c5-b485-2c718c03664fPost:5c64af58-db93-4c3f-a2d0-6d9a79ef6ac3">HELP!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]So I've been engaged since the 13th of February.  We've been discussing wedding ideas and he's leaning more toward not having a wedding, but if we do he wants a backyard barbecue with hot dogs, hamburgers, and chicken.  We're not made of money, but that just seems kinda cheap to me.   Anyway, some background info.  He's going to enlist in the Army.  We are planning on eloping before he signs because when we talked to the recruiter, he said that it was easier to have all of the marital business sorted out beforehand, plus you get more money that way.  So we would most likely elope before the end of this year.  We don't know when the wedding will be because we don't know when he'll be off at training...or where we'll end up stationed. Back to the wedding business: I'm beginning to wonder if maybe having a personal wedding, just the two of us, would be better.  My family isn't being very supportive and he doesn't want to make a spectacle of things.  What should I do?  <strong>Do I go ahead and plan a wonderful wedding for family and friends,</strong> the whole shebang/harrah, or do we have a small intimate ceremony between the two of us?
    Posted by DBigham13[/QUOTE]

    Plan a wedding for YOU, whether that wedding is just the two of you at the courthouse or you and your parents in a garden somewhere or a huge shebang. Don't do it for family and friends - you don't owe them a party.

    Also, what they said. The wedding happens when you get married. You can still have a party later if you want to, but it won't be a wedding.


    I also have to say - military enlistment? eloping for more money? your parents unsupportive? I'm seeing a lot of red flags here.

    image
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    DBigham13DBigham13 member
    First Comment
    edited March 2012
    We will be legally married  We were going to have the wedding ceremony later, once we've had time to save up for it.  And the only reason my mom isn't supportive is because she feels that I'm too young (she'd rather I wait another ten years or so -___-) and that I'll end up divorced like her and my sister.  She says it because she's looking out for me, but the way she brings it up and talks about it caused us to get in an argument.  
    Everyone always questions if it's for the right reasons, which is understandable being on the other side of the situation as you all are.  We're doing it for each other, not just because of the money or anything tangible.  And we're most certainly not rushing anything.  We've talked about it for months; we sat down, weighed all the pros and cons of doing things the way we are, and decided that this was what would be best for our situation.  
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    I'm seeing a ton of red flags, but only because my FSIL did the EXACT same thing.  Her boyfriend decided to join the Navy, and shortly before shipping out for officer school, he proposed.  When he finished that, before he got sent to flight training, they wanted to get married, but didn't have the time or resources to put together a full wedding.  So, they went to the courthouse and got married in secret (and of course saddled me with the info since they had to tell someone, but then instructed me to not tell anyone...that SUCKED), and planned a "wedding" for the following summer when he'd be home again before being deployed.

    1) People found out about the courthouse wedding.  They were PISSED.

    2) She was also young (she turned 21 right before the wedding).  They had dated for 2 years before getting married, but they both changed enough (with her actually growing up a bit and him changing with the military training) that they are now contemplating divorce.

    3) It is not any more difficult to register yourselves as married with the military after he starts training.  Please, please do yourself a favor and don't rush through a private ceremony for the sake of getting it done before he goes.

    4) If your parents are unsupportive, do you really want to get married behind their backs?  If they find out about it, that is NOT going to help their view of the situation.

    If you have a private ceremony, that is your wedding.  I love my FSIL, but the way they handled that situation both hurt and irritated me.  While on the one hand the reasons for doing it are logical, this is a marriage.  A wedding is not a party, it is a celebration of your love for each other that you choose to share with your friends and family.  If you go have a private ceremony, you are choosing to have a marriage in the absence of your friends and family.  You do not get a "do-over".  It's disrespectful to them and to the marriage since you're turning it into a show.

    I urge you to reconsider.
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    None of this will be done behind anyone's back.  I've been rather open about the whole situation.  I'm very well aware of the sanctity of marriage and I'm also well aware that a wedding is not a "party".  My question was simple:  Do I have a wedding with family and friends or do I just have a private ceremony between the two of us and eliminate all the stresses of whether or not I'm living up to others' standards.  I'm doing what I know is best for me.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_help-25?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:986d6c87-c072-40c5-b485-2c718c03664fPost:5c64af58-db93-4c3f-a2d0-6d9a79ef6ac3">HELP!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]NEVERMIND I give up.  I'm just going to talk it over with my fiance and we will decide without any outside influence, as that seems to be what's best for us.
    Posted by DBigham13[/QUOTE]

    Not only is DD frowned upon, quotes are forever...
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    ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited March 2012
    How young are you?  Because if your family thinks you need another ten years, well, then they're probably right.  No one tells someone that they're too young at 26 and should wait until they're 36, kwim?
    image
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