Controlling Mother of the Bride

psullivan82

I need help.  I'm getting married in January to a really wonderful and thankfully understanding guy.  My issue is with my Mother.  She keeps telling me that this wedding is first and foremost about the Mother of the Bride, that its a really special day for her.  So, basically both myself and my fiance are not as important as she is.  I from the beginning disagreed with her on that point, and the planning has been awful every since. 

She had said she wanted to pay for everything, but that would have meaned that my fiance's family would be treated like outcasts, because my mother does not like them and has already yelled at my fiance's mother.  The reason for the argument, my fiance's mother is so happy we are getting married and really likes me.  My mother would prefer it, if his parent's disliked me and i disliked them, which i'm not going to do just to make her happy. 

Anyways, my fiance and I then decided we wanted to pay for the wedding oursevles, this way both sides would be equal.  My mother was very upset about that.

My little sister, who i had asked to be my maid of honor, backed up my mother and started to say awful things fiance's family, my fiance himself and about me.  She went as far as to say she hoping for the day my fiance leaves me.  At that point I asked her to step down as my maid of honor she her behavior has been awful.  

My sister and mother have now told my entire family how they have been wronged but my fiance, his family and by me.  So, my family is no longer coming to the wedding, unless i do what these two want.  Which is make the wedding about them.  

i dont know what to do. the wedding is still month away and i have been dealing with my sister and mother's bad behavior for months now and I cannot take it anymore.  it has been so stresses for both my fiance and myself.   

I'm too the point where i don't want to invite my Mother or Sister to the wedding, because i do not want to deal with their toxic behavour on my special day.   but ii didnt invite them, then i would have to not invite my entire family, like my uncles/aunts,  etc. 

Any thoughts?

hmonkey

"meaned," y'all, "meaned."

Heffalump

Is your family really so lemming-like that if your mom says you're awful, they'll blindly go along with that regardless of the truth?  If not, then don't worry about them not showing up--they probably know your mom is nuts and will exercise their own judgment.  And if so, then fuckem. 

Cant_wait!

elope.

*Barbie*

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_controlling-mother-of-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:9888c6b4-a659-42df-b189-e0f94e75b0f2Post:fc529baa-8170-4af9-9e8e-830eb2088cf8">Controlling Mother of the Bride</a>:
[QUOTE]I need help.  I'm getting married in January to a really wonderful and thankfully understanding guy.  My issue is with my Mother.  She keeps telling me that this wedding is first and foremost about the Mother of the Bride, that its a really special day for her.  So, basically both myself and my fiance are not as important as she is.  I from the beginning disagreed with her on that point, and the planning has been awful every since.  She had said she wanted to pay for everything, but that would have meaned that my fiance's family would be treated like outcasts, because my mother does not like them and has already yelled at my fiance's mother.  The reason for the argument, my fiance's mother is so happy we are getting married and really likes me.  My mother would prefer it, if his parent's disliked me and i disliked them, which i'm not going to do just to make her happy.  Anyways, my fiance and I then decided we wanted to pay for the wedding oursevles, this way both sides would be equal.  My mother was very upset about that. My little sister, who i had asked to be my maid of honor, backed up my mother and started to say awful things fiance's family, my fiance himself and about me.  She went as far as to say she hoping for the day my fiance leaves me.  At that point I asked her to step down as my maid of honor she her behavior has been awful.   My sister and mother have now told my entire family how they have been wronged but my fiance, his family and by me.  So, my family is no longer coming to the wedding, unless i do what these two want.  Which is make the wedding about them.   i dont know what to do. the wedding is still month away and i have been dealing with my sister and mother's bad behavior for months now and I cannot take it anymore.  it has been so stresses for both my fiance and myself.    I'm too the point where i don't want to invite my Mother or Sister to the wedding, because i do not want to deal with their toxic behavour on my special day.   but ii didnt invite them, then i would have to not invite my entire family, like my uncles/aunts,  etc.  Any thoughts?
Posted by psullivan82[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>why do you want these people there? </div><div>
</div><div>if you're paying for the wedding yourselves, then you can tell your family to STFU and back off re: your plans. if they don't like it, they can sit at home and watch TV that day, but it will be their loss. 

</div>

arbolita

You're getting married in January, but your wedding is a month away? I think you need a new calendar.

loveshine1

If you're paying for it yourself, you can tell your mom and sister to back off.

Have the wedding you want. If they choose to come, great. If not, tough for them. It's their loss.

psullivan82

Thank you everyone for your comments. I think I just needed to hear other people tell me that I'm not out of line to tell my mother and sister this is my wedding and either support me or don't come. 


And i am getting married in January, which is months away

hmonkey

okay, i am starting to get a little angry at the casual attitude everyone is taking towards tv. 

what if nothing good is on?  THEN WHAT, GENIUSES?