I thought and thought, but I was low on calories. So I decided to venture out of the room to the kitchen and get some food. I walked down my stairs and what did my eyes behold? All of our living room furniture pushed all against the wall. Dining room and kitchen chairs all up on the tables. TV going, dishwasher going, all lights on. And the smell of bleach just smashed into my face like a brick. I stood at the bottom of the stairs and just stared at the chaos that my house had become. I couldn't even go to the kitchen 'cause the fvkcing floors were wet. I WAS STARVING and furious. Heifer was in the basement, fvkcing around with something she had no business being in, I'm sure.
I scampered to the fridge, grabbed a yogurt and ran back up before I barfed from the fumes. I ate my yogurt in teeth-grinding silence. I wanted to cry, scream, and punch the sht out of her. I was prisoner in my own fvkcing house!
And then, as if in answer to a prayer that I hadn't even formulated yet, my dad called. "Hey, I'm getting out of work early, want some company?"
OMGYESPLZCOMESHESHEREHELP!!!
Dad: She... you mean your MIL?
Me: [halfway sobbing] YEESSSSS!
Dad: Holy sht, I'll be there in 20 minutes.
Y'all, I felt like 145 pounds of MIL weight had been lifted. I trotted downstairs to find her, she was in the kitchen, fvkcing around with something else. I said, "Hey, my dad's on his way over to watch me. You can leave now."
She looked at me like I slapped her.
"Oh! Well! I mean... oh. Well, I guess I'll just finish up here and get out of your way!"
"Mmmmkaythx!" I skipped back upstairs.
She continued to bustle and carry the fvkc on; God forbid she leave me alone for 15 fvkcing minutes. By the time my dad came,. she was back in the basement. He asked me where she was and I told him she was downstairs, sulking. We had a silent giggle over it. After about 20 minutes she dragged her ass back up.
She went to the kitchen and asked to talk to me! I was like, btch what? Talk about getting the hell out of my house!
Pt 4 is the grand finale!
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