Dear Amy: I have been married for 19 years. I have three awesome kids (teens/young adults) and a husband who loves me.
Our marriage has been very rocky, though, and there were many periods without intimacy and when things seemed to fall apart all around us.
A year and a half ago, after 17 years of never even looking at another man, I cracked. I went looking for excitement, affirmation and fun, with no strings attached.
What I found, however, was a man who grabbed me by the heartstrings so quickly and so deeply that I became someone I never thought I could be. I ended up lying to him about my marital status.
Then, my husband found out about the relationship and called him to tell him I was married and had been deceiving him.
I was forbidden to talk to him and he didn't fight for me — at all.
It is now three months later and my husband, after a brief period of anger and hurt, has chosen to forgive me and wants to move on with our lives. Unfortunately, no matter what I do I can't get this other man out of my head and out of my heart!
I want to do what's best for the family, but I also don't think it's fair to long for someone else while you are supposed to be committed to another.
I have been in counseling, I've prayed and I'm keeping myself as busy as I can, but every moment I am unoccupied my thoughts run back to him and I crumble all over again.
How do I fall out of love with him? If I can't fall out of love, then am I being unfair to stay with my husband as second choice?
— Conflicted