Is this my wedding or theirs?!

Moll1030

So far my entire wedding planning has been ruined by my mother, grandmother, and basically everyone on that side of the family.

 Neither of them like that my wedding will be this summer and both insist that the only way to make my wedding "special" is to wait until next year. They have been so negative and made me so miserable that I'm considering actually changing the wedding date so that I don't have to put up with them - it's only five months to go before the date my fiance and I have chosen. My side of the family has completely refused to help with anything wedding related because they don't agree with the date. My grandmother refused to go wedding dress shopping with me and the rest of the girls because she was "so upset that I don't respect anyone's wishes about the wedding"... and then dared to complain that she wasn't there when I found my dress. 

I know that I have to do what make my fiance and I happy, but is it worth ruining my relationship with my family? All I am asking them for is their support, and it's the one thing they're refusing. 

Help!

RebeccaB88

I don't think I get what their problem is with the date.  Is it on someone else's birthday or anniversary, or is it the same date as something that they have bad memories of?  And what is so special about the date they want you to pick?  I don't get the thing about it only being special if it's next year.  What's their reasoning here, if they have any at all?  Did you have any options to make it a different date, or do you think they'd have found fault with any date you would have chosen?

Ultimately, it's your (plural) wedding, and your decision.  It's a good idea to take the family schedule, etc, into account when setting a date. But, ultimately, it really is up to you guys.  I have my doubts that they would truly not show up just because of a date, so I would call their bluff.  Tell them you're sorry they don't want to be there, and you'll miss them.  But I bet they'll be there.

If you think that cancelling and eloping is the best thing, do it, but only if that's what you both REALLY want.  Make sure you'd be happy with that, and that it's not a snap decision made out of anger or frustration.  But if it comes down to it...

DG1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_is-this-my-wedding-or-theirs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:99414e47-9a85-473f-8611-706c2e05fbcaPost:15314d4e-1829-40f8-a188-34d469b49eaf">Is this my wedding or theirs?!</a>:
[QUOTE]So far my entire wedding planning has been ruined by my mother, grandmother, and basically everyone on that side of the family.  Neither of them like that my wedding will be this summer and both insist that the only way to make my wedding "special" is to wait until next year. They have been so negative and made me so miserable that I'm considering actually changing the wedding date so that I don't have to put up with them - it's only five months to go before the date my fiance and I have chosen. My side of the family has completely refused to help with anything wedding related because they don't agree with the date. My grandmother refused to go wedding dress shopping with me and the rest of the girls because she was "so upset that I don't respect anyone's wishes about the wedding"... and then dared to complain that she wasn't there when I found my dress.  I know that I have to do what make my fiance and I happy, but is it worth ruining my relationship with my family? All I am asking them for is their support, and it's the one thing they're refusing.  Help!
Posted by Moll1030[/QUOTE]

I also want to know what their beef is with the date.

nlindsay17

If you are paying for the wedding yourselves then what do they care when it is? Plan your wedding for when you want and send them an invitation. I really can't see them not coming because you didn't wait until next year.

[Deleted User]

Had a similar problem when my FH and I picked Easter weekend of next year to wed.  Suddenly, everyone in his family was so concerned about the holiday that they normally don't care much about.
So, we moved the date up to this August instead.  It wasn't easy, but luckily it worked better because we could mvoe it UP. 
If I were you, I wouldn't move it back, especially if you already have many arrangements made. 
If their problem really with the date, or something else?

dogsandfrogs

I've had a ton of issues with my mother and grandmother as well, so I feel your pain.  We seriously talked about eloping for a few days, but we realized that as much as that would solve our current problems we'd regret it later.  We've left our plans as is, and I suggest you do the same.

You're so close to the date that all you're going to do is cause yourself a massive headache trying to get everything moved for the sake of a date.  I would be curious to know what their issue is with the date though...if it's associated with something negative, I can see them being a little miffed about it, but all you say at that point is that you're trying to give the day a positive spin.

As for not helping, you can either continue to give them the opportunities to be involved (where you risk counting on them and then they back out, or subjecting yourself to their opinions on the task), or you can no longer try to include them (where you risk them being offended you didn't ask them about it).  Which way you go is up to you, and I am in no position to really offer advice on that (tried it both ways, and I've gotten bit just as bad no matter what I do).

All I can say is good luck!