Child Custody and wedding date - Xwife

sas0402

no comment.

TheDuckis

You're creating drama where there is not yet any drama. Ask the ex if the kid can come to the wedding. If she says no, THEN you can freak out about it.

C&S1030

You could go to court and let the judge decide but you'll have to fork out some cash.  If it is the mother's weekend according to the custody order then (although it's cruel) she doesn't have to let her child be there.  We made damn sure our wedding fell on a weekend that FI has his DD.

MrsMyrtle

Just have it on 11/11/11, like any good beebee would.

sas0402

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_child-custody-wedding-date-xwife?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:9cc9d27e-9853-4637-b759-63cdf39a3f19Post:27cd15b7-c4c3-4134-93f4-a955dbf65ae6">Re: Child Custody and wedding date - Xwife</a>:
[QUOTE]IF YOU HAVE THE WEDDING ON A DATE YOU ALREADY HAVE CUSTODY THIS WILL NOT BE AN ISSUE. or are you so adamant that you get your way, you're willing to cause drama just to prove a point? really?
Posted by Wifezzilla[/QUOTE]

for your info... nothing about this wedding is going my way... so thats rude to say.

TheDuckis

So why don't you just ask the ex now? Like I said, you don't even know for a fact that she's going to take issue with it, you're just inventing drama.

MrsMyrtle

Come up with two weekends. Let the ex know these dates, and ask her which weekend you will have custody. Book your wedding for that weekend. PROBLEM SOLVED.

C&S1030

If you FI has his kid every other weekend, why can't you push the wedding back one more week???

TheDuckis

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_child-custody-wedding-date-xwife?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:9cc9d27e-9853-4637-b759-63cdf39a3f19Post:71cddf2f-0e7c-445a-8499-e7dda48bf54a">Re: Child Custody and wedding date - Xwife</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Child Custody and wedding date - Xwife : for your info... nothing about this wedding is going my way... so thats rude to say.
Posted by sas0402[/QUOTE]

That's it. I'm pulling out the denied stamp.

You're being a child about this. Just because you're too weak-willed to have the wedding you want doesn't make the issue of whether or not your FI's child can come an appropriate one to put your foot down on.

There are a million possible solutions here. Ask you parents to hire someone else to watch the store for 5 hours, ask your FI to stock up on Claritin, or have the fcking wedding the last weekend in September.

This is one of the many reasons I think a person with young children is not marriageable. You do realize that the custody arrangement and the ex are going to be issues for the entire marriage, right? If just planning the wedding is this difficult what are you going to do when you and your FI disagree with his ex on schooling, medical issues, etc?

Heffalump

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_child-custody-wedding-date-xwife?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:9cc9d27e-9853-4637-b759-63cdf39a3f19Post:71cddf2f-0e7c-445a-8499-e7dda48bf54a">Re: Child Custody and wedding date - Xwife</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Child Custody and wedding date - Xwife : for your info... nothing about this wedding is going my way... so thats rude to say.
Posted by sas0402[/QUOTE]
Do I hear the waaahhhmbulance coming?

MinM

Why don't you pick a weekend in September when you do have custody? I don't understand why you can't do that?

baconsmom

5. The kid is 5, and he has to move every two days?! 

Poor baby. 

Lauriac

This is just dumb. If you set your date for a weekend in the summer when you have the kid, I bet your parents will come.

TheDuckis

So now you're changing your story. If you have no idea what the custody arrangement will be come 2011, then pick whatever the fck day you want, and while the new custody arrangement is being determined specifically request your wedding day.

I mean that would be my advice, if you had made me think you were at all ready to be a wife and step-mother. My real advice is to just not get married. You'll be saving yourself a lot of trouble in the long run.

Mrs.Thistletwat

You have over a year. H and I didn't set a date until 7 months before. Figure out the custody issue before setting a date. Simple.

And we're basing our judgements and comments on the information you provided. If you provide limited info expect people to come up with reasons and judgements you don't like.

C&S1030

This shouldn't be that difficult.  My FI has a 5-year-old daughter with an ex-girlfriend.  I think the b!tch is crazy and I can't stand her but you know what.... I knew what I was signing up for.  I love my FI and I love my soon to be step-daughter. 

Be prepared to give in a lot, be prepard to bite your tounge a lot.  There are a lot of things that make me upset but tough schit.  I knew what I was getting myself into and I just deal with it.  Your FI's ex is that child's mother.  She trumps everything.  Sorry.  If you can't deal with that, you have no business marrying a man with a child. 

Deal. With. It.

baconsmom

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_child-custody-wedding-date-xwife?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:9cc9d27e-9853-4637-b759-63cdf39a3f19Post:f2d24233-1ba8-456b-98a9-357bed7f03e5">Re: Child Custody and wedding date - Xwife</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Child Custody and wedding date - Xwife : Tell me about it.. its crazy.. i feel so bad for the child.  The mother is the one that wants his custody like this... and she wont bend
Posted by sas0402[/QUOTE]

<div>Bullshit. If you felt for this child, you wouldn't be marrying his father. I agree with Duckis - people with small children are not marriageable. I have a 6-y-o: I can't imagine having her, getting divorced, and then getting remarried within her lifetime. </div><div>
</div><div>This kid is 5. This man has moved WAY too fast for this to be any good for that kid. I think his mom has the right idea trying to keep him. </div>

Schmoopita

Since you are going to court to change around custody anyway, make it part of the agreement that the kid is with you for the weekend of the wedding, date to be determined. Or set the date and have that date in the agreement.

MinM

Well, we only know what you say. Pick a friggin' date and negotiate that date during child custody meetings. Oh, and get over yourself.

C&S1030

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_child-custody-wedding-date-xwife?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:9cc9d27e-9853-4637-b759-63cdf39a3f19Post:3bd62067-1a0d-48ec-bbca-fafd7a9aadda">Re: Child Custody and wedding date - Xwife</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Child Custody and wedding date - Xwife : Bullshit. If you felt for this child, you wouldn't be marrying his father. I agree with Duckis - people with small children are not marriageable. I have a 6-y-o: I can't imagine having her, getting divorced, and then getting remarried within her lifetime.  This kid is 5. This man has moved WAY too fast for this to be any good for that kid. I think his mom has the right idea trying to keep him. 
Posted by baconsmom[/QUOTE]

BM- please don't judge.  Every situation is different. 

baconsmom

C&S, I hope it works out for you, but no, I will judge, because I don't think it's right. You have a right to judge me for that, whatever, but I'm sticking to my unpopular guns on this one. 

C&S1030

I'm not taking it personal.  I just don't think having a young child automatically means you are ineligible to get married.  Blended families aren't always a bad thing.

MinM

C&S - Judging on this board is kind of how we roll. You have to be willing to take your lumps. And honestly, I've been given some shyt over some stupif stuff I wanted to do, and because of the harsh words from the ladies here, I adjusted my behavior and am glad for it.

C&S1030

I know... I'm a judger too.  I'm not upset or anything and I did not take it personal. 

Hopefully with time I can share FI's story with you ladies.  I just don't want to look like evil step-mom doing a hostile takeover.  I love FI's DD.  I cannot imagine not having her around.  I hate her mother but I keep my mouth shut and just deal with it.  That may be sas's problem... I don't think she is mature enough to just swallow her pride and deal with bio-mom.  If that's the case, she shouldn't be marrying someone with a child. 

baconsmom

"Not always bad" =/= "usually good". Plenty of people disagree with me on this, and that's their prerogative. I'm not going to take their kids away because I wouldn't do what they did, but I don't believe blended families are good for kids. Divorce isn't good for kids in most cases, period. Adding to the upheaval of divorce (or breakups) with a new "parent" compounds problems. And doing this all when children are very young and crave stability and routine above all things is even worse. 

If you make it work, great, props to you. 

C&S1030

Agreed, BM.  Divorced or break-ups are never good for kids.  FI was never married and was actually not with "baby mama" when he found out she was pregnant.  She was actually under a restraining order and couldn't even tell him face-to-face.  Things were very bad. 

He could of chose to sign away his rights just so he wouldn't have to deal with his ex but he wanted to have a relationship with his child.  What would people think if he gave up all rights to his kid and instead decided to have a clean slate?  At least he is being a man, paying child support and has a relationship with his DD.