Etiquette question

PMeg819

I'm working on planning The Boy's second birthday party and I want to know how to put this on the invites.

I'm doing a combination of paper invites and evites. I don't want people to bring gifts. He's young and doesn't know that birthdays mean gifts, and I think that despite me saying it some people will still bring things. But he has a ton of toys, and he doesn't need anything. If someone wanted to get him something, I'd rather they get him a book.

Is there a nice way to put on the invites "No gifts please" without looking like some sort of horrible mother who doesn't want her kid to have a great birthday?

MrsMyrtle

Well, kids' birthdays are all about gifts, so if you'd rather get books, you might as well head it all off and say something like, "Help us build Boy's library! He loves books about X, Y & Z!"

Wzz

well, on one hand, it's nice that you just want people to party hard with the kid for his birthday. on the other hand, it sounds worse if you ask for books versus any other gifts, even if it is in a nicely worded poem or some crap like that.

people keep asking me what my kid needs or wants for his birthday. can't you just spread by word of mouth that he would like to get books as gifts? i'm just assuming some people will ask, so i recommend addressing it then that you prefer no gifts.


JMO

zsazsa-stl

I don't see anything wrong with just plain old "No gifts, please." 

But if you are worred I guess you could use "No gifts, please.  If you think that makes me a horrible mother, go F yourself."

PMeg819

I've told our family that I'd prefer books or clothes, but I know my mom and sister will definitely end up getting him some toys because they love to spoil him. It's the friends of ours that will probably show up with the big toy that makes a ton of noise and takes up a ton of space.

I probably just need to STFU, let him play with it for a bit then turn around and donate it.

Wzz

i retract my original answer and i would like to second zsazsa's suggestion.

6fsn

first I can't believe he's almost 2!

Second, let people get him stuff.  If they ask give suggestions for books.  MIL is all excited about getting this stupid dress for M2's bday.  Blah, blah, it's got our alma mater on there.  Whatever.  It will make MIL happy. 

DG1

I'd also be OK with "no gifts, please."

But really, expect NO ONE to listen to you about any of it.
No gifts = they bring gifts.
Please bring books = they bring toys.

Wording is really irrelevant. I'm constantly fascinated by people asking me stuff like that and then doing what the opposite of what I politely respond.

tawillers

Ditto wz.  I get asked about all three kids for birthdays/xmas.  If someone asks, tell them books.  If not, you can always return/exchange what he gets (though I have to admit, I've never done that and probably wouldn't) for books.

DG1

Dude. I have totally returned/exchanged/consigned stuff. They don't know they don't have it, and the family/friends don't necessarily notice, either. In fact, I get internally peeved when people open stuff that I intended to return or consign.

I can only get away with this for a couple more years, so I am taking advantage while I can.

baconsmom

Technically, you're never supposed to mention gifts on an invite. Ever. I know I'm in the minority, but I'd be put off by "No gifts, please." 

I say wait until people ask and then suggest books. And when they show up with toys, no matter what you've told them, just donate his old ones. Or the new ones, if you hate them. 

AuntFlo

I agree with baconsmom.    And people always ask me what DD wants or what she is into and typically stick to what I tell them.  Also, I honestly think you're way overthinking it.   So he gets too many toys?   Big whoop!   (I haven't said that in like 20 years)     He's a kid.    Kids get toys.   Kids like toys.   Deal with it. 

mrsconn23

I wouldn't put 'no gifts please' on the invite, but if anyone asks I would say that he needs books or clothes.  

That's what I've been telling people who want to know what DefConn 'needs' for his birthday.  My sisters keep telling me that they're going to buy him something that's obnoxious.  If they keep repeating it, they may end up getting punched in the face.

Wzz

I feel weird when people ask what he wants. I appreciate they ask, but hell if I know what he wants. I gave him a plastic cup the other day to get his attention and he was thrilled with it, so he is really easy to please right now.

6fsn

I never know what they want either.  For M2's bday I asked my siblings for a family pass to the science center.

*Barbie*

I wouldn't mention anything unless they ask. nothing on the invites.

We have too many toys/clothes as it is. My parents got the picture, usually send a few outfits in a future size, one toy, a couple of books and cash for her college fund. MIL spends a small fortune on clothes and toys.

at this point i'd rather they sent money or savings bonds. she won't know the difference, and the cash is all invested for her future. 

MiLadyK

Honestly, giving other people's kids things that I wouldn't allow in my house is one of my secret joys. I think its a family thing, ever since the incident with the "Make your own perfume" kit my aunt got me one year.

Don't put anything on the invite, or do and prepare yourself for it to be ignored. 

People will usually ask what the child is interested in, and you can tell them what you'd like him to recieve. Or be as honest as you can about his current interests (one year, the answer we had for my then-2 year old sister was "a set of throwing knives and a crash helmet"... she was a bit of a daredevil.)