bridesmaid drama please advise!

emkems

One of my bridesmaid messaged me(on FB) today to tell me she is dropping out of my wedding because she doesn't get a long with one of the other bridesmaids(they used to be besties but a lot of drama happened). She doesn't want her feelings about the other BM to get in the way of my wedding. As if that isn't bad enough, I do not have anyone that I think would replace her. FH is completely against uneven #s even though I think it could be ok. He really wants me to ask my college roommate but her own wedding is only a month and a half after ours and she is trying to find an apartment etc. I don't want to burden her by asking her to be a BM, and I don't want her to feel like second choice bc I had already told her who the original BMs were. FH says it never hurts to ask...what do you guys think? Should I just explain to her and see what she says or continue trying to convince him that uneven numbers will be ok?

MoonlightSilver

Don't replace her, that's rude. People standing with you are your nearest and dearest, not props.

csweaney

I would try to explain to your fiance that replacing your BM at this point with someone who already knows the BM lineup would be extremely rude and could possibly jeapordize your friendship with said person. 

HOWEVER--do you have a close cousin or other relative that you could tell about the situation? It is possible that if they are family they would be willing to stand in for you and help you out without having hurt feelings about not being asked first. Just a suggestion if he is REALLY adamant about numbers.

tawillers

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_bridesmaid-drama-please-advise?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:a1b5d5b0-b4b8-4fc9-b603-b695d066fa7aPost:9fe944ba-d711-496e-ba27-97f3c148eb1b">bridesmaid drama please advise!</a>:
[QUOTE]One of my bridesmaid messaged me(on FB) today to tell me she is dropping out of my wedding because she doesn't get a long with one of the other bridesmaids(they used to be besties but a lot of drama happened). She doesn't want her feelings about the other BM to get in the way of my wedding. As if that isn't bad enough, I do not have anyone that I think would replace her. FH is completely against uneven #s even though I think it could be ok. He really wants me to ask my college roommate but her own wedding is only a month and a half after ours and she is trying to find an apartment etc. I don't want to burden her by asking her to be a BM, and I don't want her to feel like second choice bc I had already told her who the original BMs were. FH says it never hurts to ask...<strong>what do you guys think?</strong> Should I just explain to her and see what she says or continue trying to convince him that uneven numbers will be ok?
Posted by emkems[/QUOTE]

You asked.

1.  Your FI sounds dramatic.  How can you be "completely against" an uneven bridal party?  What's the big deal?

2.  Trying to find a replacement is rude to the original bridesmaid and to anyone you would ask to fill in.  The replacement would know she was not your first choice and that she'd just be helping you out.

3.  It's YOUR side.  YOU get to decide who/how many you want to stand with you.



One of my DH's best men was sent overseas before our wedding. We never thought to replace him for the sake of having even sides. Two of my bridesmaids walked with one groomsman and it was fine.  No one noticed or cared.

Wzz

ditto taw, 100%.

also, what does he think will happen if the numbers are uneven?

MuppetOverlord

He should be able to deal with uneven numbers.

How far off is your wedding?

Personally, I would talk to the one that dropped out because the wedding is about your relationship with her and not her relationship with your other BM. Can't they be civil for your wedding?

emkems

thanks for your responses!

Yeah I think my fiancé is going a little groomzilla on the evenness of sides thing.  I think my MOH could just walk with two groomsmen.  Everyone else seems shocked that we would even consider having uneven sides and is pressuring me to ask someone else too.

No, unfortunately the original bridesmaid won't just get over it because she's being a drama queen.  Its about me and her not her and the other BM, I told her that too.

Unfortunately I have zero female cousins that I am close to that I could ask and no sisters etc.  I considered having my brother do it, just match the groomsmen and stand on my side but FH said no way...ugh

MobKaz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_bridesmaid-drama-please-advise?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:a1b5d5b0-b4b8-4fc9-b603-b695d066fa7aPost:5111a63d-8b91-46e9-a822-73c964af3753">Re: bridesmaid drama please advise!</a>:
[QUOTE]thanks for your responses! Yeah I think my fiancé is going a little groomzilla on the evenness of sides thing. <strong> I think my MOH could just walk with two groomsmen.</strong>  Everyone else seems shocked that we would even consider having uneven sides and is pressuring me to ask someone else too. No, unfortunately the original bridesmaid won't just get over it because she's being a drama queen.  Its about me and her not her and the other BM, I told her that too. Unfortunately I have zero female cousins that I am close to that I could ask and no sisters etc.  I considered having my brother do it, just match the groomsmen and stand on my side but FH said no way...ugh
Posted by emkems[/QUOTE]

<div>My daughter started out with her wedding party uneven.  The best man recessed with the maid <em><u>and</u></em> matron of honor.  Then on the day before the wedding, SIL found out one of his groomsmen would not be able to attend.  Two bridesmaids recessed out together.  There is no fall-out from <em><u>any</u></em> way a bridal party might choose to enter or leave a ceremony.  My other point is that you still have several months to go.  Things happen.  Even if you were to find a way to even up the sides (which I do not advocate), something else could hit the fan that leaves it again unbalanced.</div><div>
</div><div>Have you considered having all the men wait at the top of the aisle with the groom, and having your bridesmaids walk up one at a time?  Unless someone literally took the time to count each side of the wedding party, I cannot imagine anyone would notice, let alone care.</div><div>
</div><div>Perhaps you could "google" wedding party photos, and show your FI that it is a non-issue.</div>

elizabethm1984

I don't think it should matter if the sides are even.  I started out having 2 bridesmaids and 3 groomsmen... my fiance wanted us to make the sides even, so I added his sister.  Then one of his groomsmen dropped out.  We replaced him.  Then the replacement dropped out.  we are down to 3 bridesmaids and 2 groomsmen.  So if I had just left the bridesmaids at 2, we would have been even now!  :-)  You never know what will happen ... someone could get sick the morning of the wedding and drop out.  Not everything can be perfect.  We have to allow ourselves to realize that things will go wrong, but we can't let it ruin our special day!