Wedding Woes

Gee thanks mom (long)

I was venting to my mom about MIL's visit.  In the convo it was clear my mom didn't see things my way so I changed the subject.  My mom just called me back to let me know that I'm harsh in my words and tone.  That I'm unbending and cranky.  That she stays away from me because the things I say about MIL she hears about herself. 

She brought up crap from Christmas.  I'd told her we don't give the kid water out of a cup because then he won't eat or drink anything else.  She gave him 2 cups of water.  He didn't eat anything else and pissed through his diaper and the only pjs we'd brought.  Then didn't like that I was upset.

She kept saying "I had hoped the mill would have left you by now and you'd be happier."  Really?  I worked there for 11 years.  You think it's going to be gone n 4 months?  Or that maybe I've just had a huge upheaval and I'm still sorting things out?  Or maybe I was VENTING to someone I had considered a FRIEND more than a mom at this point in my life.  Lessoned learned lady. 

Or maybe part of the reason the visits hurt is that it's MIL and not my mom?

Re: Gee thanks mom (long)

  • edited December 2011
    Unfortunately, sometimes Mom can never be your friend.
    ..
  • edited December 2011
    Don't vent to your mom about your MIL.
    "I would be sad if sex was only about the climax, lame." Someone who is obviously doing it wrong
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  • 6fsn6fsn member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I get that now.  I wish I had known it before.
  • edited December 2011
    You live, you learn. Take a walk and vent to us.
    "I would be sad if sex was only about the climax, lame." Someone who is obviously doing it wrong
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  • nicoleg1982nicoleg1982 member
    5000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    It's not you, it's them.
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  • hmonkeyhmonkey member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    my mom talks the crazy, too.  i end it with a quick "okay, bye, you're being crazy" and then hang up.
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  • edited December 2011
    venting to mom about MIL puts her in a weird position.

    plus, she's your mom, theoretically she knows you better than most people.

    she may have a point.
  • HeffalumpHeffalump member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    That sucks, I'm sorry.  FWIW, I don't think it's fair for your mom (or anyone) to go against your wishes in raising your own kid.  It's not like you beat the kid and she felt compelled to intervene.  And to bring it up months later?
     
    OTOH, obviously it's been weighing on her.  Maybe getting it out and clearing the air will do some good?  As for " the things I say about MIL she hears about herself," is she right?  Because honestly, I get annoyed with things my MIL does, but if my mom did those same things, I'd probably shrug it off and move on.  Just wondering if that's the case for you and if your mom's concern is justified.
  • pegasuskatpegasuskat member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    OK, I am a grandmother and very close to my daughter and DIL.  I have a lot of access to my Gk's and so can kinda feel for her. I don't think I act crazy about it but maybe cause I don't have to. I would be hurt if they didn't want me involved in most things. My children only had 1 close grandparent ( and he died fairly early) so my kids want us close to thier kids and I'm glad. I know all families are different and she does sound a little nuts. I never invite myself to their homes but my H would sometimes if I didn't put my foot down. Maybe loosen up a little and she will get better.  Use her visits to do things for yourself and let her babysit. She sounds a little over the top but you also seem to have little patience with her.
  • loveshine1loveshine1 member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Things like this happen a lot.

    I don't always speak nicely about my MIL. And sometimes when mom gets to talking kooky, she says things like, "I bet you talk just as badly about me as you do your MIL!".

    Mom, let's not get panicky. Sometimes I can vent to my mom, sometimes I can't. I tend to have to pick my subject matter.

    Also, I'm not sure who said it, but mom's usually know you better than anyone and they can call you out pretty quickly. It sucks.
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  • **O-Face****O-Face** member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 25 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Wow.  I vent with my mom about MIL all the time.  My mother knows that I love MIL but can't stand her sometimes.  MIL is her own brand of crazy.

    And the fact that your mom turned your issues with MIL into her...narcissistic much?


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  • 6fsn6fsn member
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    edited December 2011

    It's an all around communication fail.  We both thought the other was too busy- she basically works 7 days a week.  I always hear her visiting my sis and taking time off to babysit her kids.  She's never taken a day off for my kid.  Even when I had my gallbladder out MIL is the one that came to help.  The few times I've asked we've had to schedule around her work or the other grandkids. 

    Yes I'm uptight with MIL.  I've been working on it.  Yes there are things I'd accept in my mom that I don't with MIL.  I don't think it's right that MIL calls DH at work and asks him soemthing then calls me at home and asks me for more.  She knows we haven't had a chance to talk and she manipulates it.

    I want my mom involved.  I want her here, but always thought she had other things to do.  She wanted to come, but always felt we were too busy.

    I fully admit I like schedules and I like palns.  I'm also not a lovey dovey kind of gal.  It hurts that she thinks there is something wrong with that. 

    I hope this does make things better.  My mom is making some changes in her life that will free up some things.  I'm getting more in the swing of staying home and being more free. 

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