Guests with no gifts...

amydianebrown

We had an amazing wedding--gorgeous, Santa Barbara location, wonderful friends and family.
There were about 125 guests, and we carefully logged the receipt of all gifts so as not to omit any thank you notes. However, there was a fairly significant percentage of folks who did not give us a gift at all--now, the real gift was their attendance--please know I'm not trying to be one of those kind of people who is going to let that reduce our enjoyment of the occasion or anything, but it was a little surprising. Some of them were in the wedding party, some were family members--I'd say there were about 25 people who did not give us a wedding gift.
I'm not complaining--what I'd really like to know is if this is average? One of them was my step sister--and I can't believe that she simply did not folloow ettiquete--in fact, I've thought about asking my stepmom if she knows what the deal was, because I'm afraid that she must have given us a gift and we didn't receive it--and I don't want her to think that we're ignoring her present.
We've already sent out thank you notes--we were married 3 months ago. I guess the smart thing would have been to send out thank you notes for being a part of the event--and that way anyone who might have given us a gift that was not acknowledged might speak up and we could address it then.
Am I being a jerk?!

Argh.

DG1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_guests-with-no-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:a77d5f8d-5013-4b87-9c6c-b5e90120ba18Post:a29bac72-ba1f-4eb7-8d00-65a1cef49e8c">Guests with no gifts...</a>:
[QUOTE]We had an amazing wedding--gorgeous, Santa Barbara location, wonderful friends and family. There were about 125 guests, and we carefully logged the receipt of all gifts so as not to omit any thank you notes. However, there was a fairly significant percentage of folks who did not give us a gift at all--now, the real gift was their attendance--please know I'm not trying to be one of those kind of people who is going to let that reduce our enjoyment of the occasion or anything, but it was a little surprising. Some of them were in the wedding party, some were family members--I'd say there were about 25 people who did not give us a wedding gift. I'm not complaining--what I'd really like to know is if this is average? One of them was my step sister--and I can't believe that she simply did not folloow ettiquete--in fact, I've thought about asking my stepmom if she knows what the deal was, because I'm afraid that she must have given us a gift and we didn't receive it--and I don't want her to think that we're ignoring her present. We've already sent out thank you notes--we were married 3 months ago. I guess the smart thing would have been to send out thank you notes for being a part of the event--and that way anyone who might have given us a gift that was not acknowledged might speak up and we could address it then. Am I being a jerk?! Argh.
Posted by amydianebrown[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>eh. WP people already spend big $$ just to be in the wedding, so I'm not sure I would side-eye that too much.</div><div>
</div><div>If there are people who you are really surprised about (either because you know they are strict about following etiquette, or because you know they were financially able, are close to you, are supportive of the marriage, and you know them to typically give gifts at weddings), I'd discreetly ask around (if possible) to make sure you didn't miss something.</div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>and 25 people out of how many? I don't think we had anyone not give us a wedding gift. But we only had 75 people at the wedding, including kids/spouses/families, so if we were missing 25 gifts it would have been a ridiculously huge percentage.

</div>

dharmabunny

Sooo, you say you're not complaining. But you are, not getting you a present is an etiquette breach, according to you. And now you're artfully trying to figure out how to shake down those guests for a present, or deflect any semblance of looking like an ungrateful thank you clod.

PMeg819

Technically you have up to a year to give a wedding gift. That being said- how many of these people had to travel? How many of these people attended a shower and gave a gift? You don't know anyone's financial situation and if they made the choice to give a gift at another occassion or had to shell out for travel expenses, that could have been all they could afford. Honestly- if no one has come to you saying that they gave a gift but didn't get a thank you- then you aren't getting a gift and you need to leave it at that.

amydianebrown

Dharma Bunny:
No, I am NOT trying to figure out how to 'shake down' anyone. As I pointed out, the thank-you's are over and done with. The only one I was concerned about was my stepsister because I really believe there might have been a missed communication of some sort there--but I haven't said or done anything because I DON'T want to seem like a clod. However, nor do I want to be the kind of bride that doesn't acknowledge a gift. I wrote on here to get input from other brides to see if this is something that happens at most weddings.
I try not to be so quick to judge others,  btw--especially on a site like this where we all should be supporting one another. Maybe read the whole post carefully--there's no reason to be so rude.

amydianebrown

Everyone else:
Thanks for your input--I have no intention of asking anyone about gifts--and I think that if someone asks us if we recived something that didn't get acknowledged, that's the safest bet for sure--and what we'd planned to do anyway.
We fully understand that wedding are costly for guests--and we were thrilled to have so many people make the trip and participate in our big day.

Amy

DG1

I will never understand why people think this site (or any site) is all about supporting one another. 

TheVirginians

Dharma, I picked up on the OP's shock at step-sister's etiquette breach as well. She posted it on the Woes board too. Could have gone on the Recap board. Her final question about being a jerk was another clue as to her agenda.

amydianebrown

Yes, indeed--it's only our weddings--it's only a site for connecting with other brides and sharing experiences and input. Why be supportive?!
I think any chance we have in life to be a little supportive to others is something to value.
Again, thanks for the input, ladies. I appreciate it.

zsazsa-stl

::bride group hug::

Heffalump

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_guests-with-no-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:a77d5f8d-5013-4b87-9c6c-b5e90120ba18Post:da452362-7b5f-4247-91b5-c06f52400ddf">Re: Guests with no gifts...</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes, indeed--it's only our weddings--it's only a site for connecting with other brides and sharing experiences and input. Why be supportive?! I think any chance we have in life to be a little supportive to others is something to value. Again, thanks for the input, ladies. I appreciate it.
Posted by amydianebrown[/QUOTE]

::vomit::

y'all, for as rarely as I'm here, I can't believe I wasted my few minutes reading <em>this</em>

jojobrn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_guests-with-no-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:a77d5f8d-5013-4b87-9c6c-b5e90120ba18Post:e8e2ed9b-da9c-4503-be4b-be61195325d6">Re: Guests with no gifts...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guests with no gifts... : ::vomit:: y'all, for as rarely as I'm here, I can't believe I wasted my few minutes reading this
Posted by Heffalump[/QUOTE]

<div>Oh come on Heffa! We can braid each others hair and sing "Kumbaya!"</div>

Wzz

the wedding was 3 months ago?