Wedding Woes

Other people and their feelings on spending money on a wedding

I just got engaged about a week ago and I feel like the one thing I have been running into the most is people's feeling/comments on money. Everyone is telling me to "elope" "don't spend a lot of money" "save it for a house".

I'm wondering if any recent brides regret spending the money they did on their wedding. I can't imagine regretting the expense. Even my father is saying that the money is better spent elsewhere. 

I'm curious as to what everyone thinks.
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Re: Other people and their feelings on spending money on a wedding

  • MNNEBrideMNNEBride Midwest member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_other-people-and-their-feelings-on-spending-money-on-a-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:a82c1a7f-fc5e-4ef5-900a-c208f031a432Post:1b07faa3-d2bd-4956-afa7-62569a8ef110">Other people and their feelings on spending money on a wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]I just got engaged about a week ago and I feel like the one thing I have been running into the most is people's feeling/comments on money. Everyone is telling me to "elope" "don't spend a lot of money" "save it for a house". I'm wondering if any recent brides regret spending the money they did on their wedding. I can't imagine regretting the expense. Even my father is saying that the money is better spent elsewhere.  I'm curious as to what everyone thinks.
    Posted by Jeces[/QUOTE]

    I think there is a happy medium between "elope" and spending a huge amount on a wedding.  We had a traditional church wedding and reception/dinner/dance at another venue for about 200 people.  It was nice but not extravagant.  Plan what you can afford for a one day party.
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  • We've been getting a lot of this as well, but ultimately, it's our money to spend how we pleae.  I agree that it doesn't make sense to drop 100K, but there is a happy middle.  We are spending about $16,000 for 150 people - full Catholic mass, sit down dinner, etc.  We've both always wanted a traditional wedding and I think I'd regret it if I eloped; it's just not for me! 

    On the other hand, if you're only having the traditional wedding because you feel like you're supposed to, then it probably would be a waste of money.  It really comes down to what you want for the big day.  I've been applying this attitude to everything and ditching the items we don't care about (limo) and splurging on the ones that are important to us (food!).
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  • Unless people are contributing money, they have no place telling you how to spend yours. My sister "eloped" and just had 10 people with her and her DH got married, they chose to spend the big money on a down payment for a house. They didn't regret their choice, but they did not dream of a big wedding. If you think you'd be happier spending the money on something else, do it. But if you think you'd have any regrets about not having your special day, please don't let anyone else's misguided attempts at advice stop you from having the day you 1. Want and 2. Can afford comfortably.
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  • I got a lot of that too...followed up by "I better be invited".  We wanted to do a private DW anyways so that's what we did. I think our money was well spent.  Opinions are like butt holes, everyone has them and sometimes they stink.
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  • My wedding was about 3 weeks ago, so this is fresh on my mind. We spent about 30K on our wedding. We paid for the entire thing in cash, so we came out of it poorer, but not owing anything. Before the wedding, I had serious doubts that it would be "worth it," but went along with a larger wedding because it was important to my FI and our families, and because I knew we wouldn't be going into debt over it. My wedding was amazing. I had a fabulous time, it was awesome to see my friends and family having such a blast, and I am happy we had the party we had. That said, I did notice a few areas where I don't feel like we got our money's worth. I should have done DIY centerpieces from Costco floral, instead of wasting money to have the florist do it, although I will say the bouquets were freakin' stunning and worth every penny. I also should have skipped favors. We did inexpensive edibles, but we still had a million left behind. Not worth it. Also, we upgraded our DJ package to add a live percussionist. It was kind of cool, but on retrospect, totally unnecessary. So I guess my conclusion is that overall, our wedding was definitely "worth it," but there are a few areas where I now see we could've spent much less without changing the experience for us or our guests.
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  • My ILs hosted a big wedding for us. Other than my dress, they covered basically everything for the wedding ceremony and reception. Insanely generous (and our wedding was a blast) - but I would have rather had the money as a gift to put towards our first house. We had ~125guests show, total cost was likely in the $25K range, 6 years ago.

    Had my H and I paid for our wedding, we would likely have had something much smaller, (small ceremony or DW with a nice dinner afterwards) - but the ILs insisted on hosting.

    I would say this - if you and your FI are paying, then you're the only ones who get a say in the finanical end of things. Don't host something that you can't afford to pay for *RIGHT NOW* in *CASH* - you don't want to go into debt, and you can't count on "promised" contributions from anyone or money coming in from jobs, etc.

    I think at this point, the important conversation to have with your FI is "we have $XXX available, how do we want to spend it?" - the two of you are going to have to be able to talk about money and budgets as a married couple with merged finances, so this is a good time to start. 
     
  • Thank you all for your responses. The insight you all offered is very helpful :) 
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  • Just had my wedding this past weekend and if I had to do it all over again I would want to elope.

    I loved seeing my family and friends but for the money I paid so many things went wrong and the things I paid the most money for didn't really seem worth it.
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