Wedding Woes
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Parental Nightmare.....

So my parents and I have some differing views. Specifically, they are VERY Catholic, and I'm..... well, I don't know exactly, but not Catholic. Not Christian either. My fiance was raised Episcopalian, but is also not especially religious (maybe more than me though). Both of us visualize a non-denominational, personal wedding outside somewhere, that represents what we believe and what we want our marriage to be about. So far so good, right?

Now, the aforementioned Catholic parents are SUPER happy for us, very supportive, and are willing to give us $15k no questions asked, to use creating whatever kind of wedding we want. Which is AMAZING and GENEROUS and KIND. Here's the catch: none of my family, technically no one who has been baptized Catholic, can attend the ceremony, because in the eyes of the Church it's invalid (since I'm a baptized Catholic) and attending the ceremony would be tacit permission.

Most Catholics are either unaware of this rule, or choose to overlook it in light of the fact that they want to attend their childrens' weddings. Not my family.

So here is the choice I'm faced with: 1. Go through the Catholic Church and get permission to marry in the Episcopal Church (since that's my fiance's church), which still involves Catholic marriage prep and signing a paper saying I will do "what is in my power" to raise my children Catholic, which will make our marriage Catholic-valid. 2. Have a wedding that represents our values and beliefs..... with NONE of my family there. No sisters, brothers, nieces, no dad to walk me down the aisle....basically half the pews empty.

WHAT DO I DO???? What would YOU do?

Re: Parental Nightmare.....

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    ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I'd have the wedding I wanted, and not kowtow to people who are semi-passively forcing their religious beliefs down your throat.  I was raised Catholic, and I've never, ever heard of this, and I'm 98% sure your family made it up.  Even if they didn't, though, is this really what they think Jesus would do?  Really?
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    HeffalumpHeffalump member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Your situation sounds so much like mine, except that luckily enough, none of my family interpreted canon law as meaning that they couldn't attend our ceremony.  And my mother works for a Catholic church--she's in charge of religious education and RCIA (the program that people go through to convert to Catholicism), so she knows a thing or two about Church doctrine.

    So yeah, I obviously think your family is wrong and are being ridiculous, but that probably won't change their minds.  If it were me, I wouldn't want to start my marriage off going through the motions of a ceremony that I didn't personally believe and that wasn't meaningful to my husband and me.  Yeah, it will suck if most of your family skips out, but in the end, you can't live your life for other people's benefit.  Or as Andy said on The Office, "I can't control what you do, I can only control what I do."
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    JuliaM-EJuliaM-E member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Well, they're not making it up, I've asked several priests and looked it up for myself in the book of Canon Law, so unfortunately they're right.... like I said most people would overlook it but they take their faith very seriously......  my issue is that I'm actually very close to my family and I'm pretty devastated at the thought of the most important hour of my life without them. It's not about the money either, so paying ourselves wouldn't change anything.
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    ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Well, if they think that following someone else's interpretation of biblical teachings, an interpretation that doesn't even jive with what Jesus was all about, is more important than being there for you, then that is a clear statement on where you rank in their eyes.  Putting the label of religion on this truth doesn't make it exempt from that.
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    JuliaM-EJuliaM-E member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yeah, but getting mad doesn't make it easier. They believe what they believe....fine. Not my place to tell them they're wrong. I'm just confused.
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    ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    You don't have to tell them they're wrong, but YOU believe what YOU believe, too.  And if they're not willing to compromise their beliefs for you, then I don't see any good reason for you to compromise yours for them.

    I have a hunch that they'll find a loophole and come to the wedding if you stand your ground, though, with a firm and pleasant "I'm sorry you won't be able to make it."
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    baconsmombaconsmom member
    5 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    They'll show up. I've never known a Catholic to actually follow this rule, because we all know it's stupid. God would rather we shun our families and not be happy for them than attend a non-Catholic wedding? Come on. 

    Have the wedding you want. 
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