Let me start out by saying that I do not want to, but my father, who I am not very close with, but am on speaking terms with, says I should. He falls back on the idea that she is the only mother I will ever have.
Background:
Two years ago, I divorced my husband of 17 years. There was some stress obviously and we have two children together, but we worked things out and are now friends (he IS coming to the wedding) and he comes over for dinner periodically. In any case, my mother threw an absolute fit about her impression of how I handled things surrounding the divorce and then turned her mother against me. By the time of my wedding, it will have been about 2 years since everything happened and neither my mother, nor my grandmother have spoken to me. In fact, my last attempt at a relationship with my grandmother was the Christmas before last. I sent her cookies and she "refused" them and they came back via USPS as crumbs. Re my mother: She is currently in her second marriage and has had plenty of her own issues, so it's not like she has moral high ground on which to support her case. My children (both teenagers) maintain a relationship with her and I have never hampered that, despite having some evidence that she has badmouthed me to them. I have always felt that they are old enough to figure out what is right and most of their time is spent with me or their father anyway. Additionally, I make a point of not interfering with, or discussing, my childrens relationship with my mother or my thoughts/feelings about her with my children.
In the wake of all that has happened I do not want her at my wedding. I have asked my father to attend and participate in the wedding and reception, though it is my fiance and I that will pay for the festivities (he has not offered, and he was not at my first wedding (I had eloped). My father has recently made a point of mentioning that he was hurt that I didn't invite him to my first wedding. It has been so many years, I can't say why I didn't invite him, but if I had to venture a guess, I would say that it was because he is SOOO judgemental, and I was afraid he wouldn't approve. My first husband and I were only together 6 months before we tied the knot. My father often says hurtful things (possibly without intent?) and is fairly emotionless. I often wonder why I work so hard to maintain a relationship with him as welll, because it seems that all the effort is one sided.
Now:
After all that has transpired, I have no interest in a relationship with either one of them (my mother or her mother). My feeling is that being a parent is a blessing, not a right and the fact that she failed to support me emotionally during a very stressful time in my life, and the fact that she has not made an attempt to make things right, only solidifies for me that not inviting her is the right choice for me. I can honestly say, that if she died tomorrow, I could live with that, and would only hope that she has someone else (though I am an only child) taking care of her details.
I am going to talk to someone about all this, but would love to get some ideas from other brides and brides-to-be.
Thanks.
