Some Opinions?

RachelOleo

OKay, this is essentially a vent, but I am so frustrated I don't know what else to do.

My fiance and I have been engaged for two years. We are getting married in June. Our Wedding Date was announced to the entire family about a week or so after I said "yes."  Two months after our engagement, one of my fiance's cousins got engaged. He and his fiancee have set their wedding for April 28. This past Thanksgiving, a second cousin got engaged and he set his wedding date the WEEK BEFORE ours. 

I know this is stupid, but I am so very jealous, especially when told that the other two weddings were scheduled before mine "so people would come." Now, most of my fiance's family has decided they will not attend our wedding because we are the last of three weddings in a 5 week span, and they'll be "tired" of going to them by this point.

Is it wrong for me to be hurt, offended, and sad?

Any thought are appreciated.

RachelOleo

Even a negative reaction to my whining would be helpful, lol

Wzz

you have to give people a chance to get here and read what you wrote.

and be careful what you wish for, re: the negative reaction.

anyway...feel however you want to feel, but what is there to be jealous about? what is it they have that you don't, extra wedding guests? those people are rude for telling you they are too tired of weddings. oh well. sucks to be as popular as they think they are.

so yeah, stop whining. be happy you can save the money that you aren't spending on these guests and buy youself some shoes or something.

redheadfsu

I'm assuming the VIPs will still attend your wedding (Parents, siblings, best friends)?

So think of it this way... 
You will have a great wedding with your VIPs and the extras will miss your awesome wedding. It is their loss, not yours.  

L_Woods

It's okay to be sad, but you get one day. They picked other days that happened to be near your day. It sucks that his family is making that decision (whether financial or otherwise) but the other engaged couples were within their "right" to pick the date they wanted.

JaxInBlue

It's not wrong to be hurt, offended or sad.  They are your emotions and opinions and you are entitled to them.  IMO, it was inconsiderate of your FI's cousins to tell you that they deliberately set their dates ahead of yours "so people would come" (instead of saying nothing at all).

That being said, what's done and planned is done and planned.  Their dates aren't changing and I'm guessing yours isn't either - and you all only do get one day. Maybe these really were the dates that worked best for them.   Invite everyone to your wedding and reception as you intended and give them the option to change their minds.  If they don't, celebrate with those who do come.  At the end of the day, whether they all make it there or not, you will be married!

(And if it was me, anticipating I might have extra room in my budget, I might ask my venue what last minute add-ons I could make to add to the experience of the guests you do share the day with - better apps or drinks, extra dessert, etc.)

ReturnOfKuus

I wasn't with you until you got to his jackass family saying that they're not going to bother coming to your wedding.  I wouldn't bother inviting them, that being the case.  F*ck them.  F*ck them all in the ear canal.

zsazsa-stl

If you aren't getting married in June how do you know that "most" of them have decided against attending yours?  Are the RSVPs already out?  Or are they calling you up just to give the FYI that they aren't going to bother with your wedding?

Make sure you aren't over reacting to a stray comment from one or two people. 

And like the PPs said, if they don't come it just give you more room on the guest list for people you actually like and/or more money to spend per guest.  Try not to take it personally if some guests make it to one of the other weddings but not yours. 

ReturnOfKuus

Zsazsa, I would absolutely say take it personally, especially after that sort of comment.

hmonkey

:: side eye @ two year engagement ::

thank your fiance's relatives for being so rude for telling you that they're not going to an event that they aren't invited to yet.

zsazsa-stl

Kuus - she can take it personally if people are actuallymaking a point of letting her know that they are not coming to her wedding because they would rather go to those other weddings. 

But....at 4 months out I'm suspecting that it was more something like this:

Aunt Judy:  Hmmm, this hot dog is good.  And speaking of  hot dogs, all of these darn weddings coming up make a girl's ole dogs hot and tired just thinking about squeezing my bunnions into the fancy shoes three whole times in less than a year.  I may just have to skip the last one! Hahahahaha!  Be a sweetie honey and pass the mustard, would ya?

Rachel:  NO ONE IS COMING TO MY WEDDING!!!!!! WHAAAAAAA!!! 

Wzz

i had a guest specifically tell me that she was declining an invite to a party we once had because she was invited to too many parties. true story. she sent me it in an email and everything that her entire nuclear family was opting out because of how many other parties she was going to. so i totally believe that people would be so tacky and say something like that to someone else.

ReturnOfKuus

Yeah, I know those kinds of jerks, too, Wzz.

*Barbie*

we had someone tell us that she was not coming to our wedding (before the invites went out) because she had a family wedding the same weekend.

she got all butthurt when we didn't bother to send her an invite, and threw a fit.

DK sent her an invite (she was his friend). She ended up coming.

Later when she went BSC, she used this incident as "evidence" that I had never liked her and was "keeping her" from DK. (he's no longer friends with her)


I say fvck them - but they're family, so even though they are rude, send an invite if you had initially planned on inviting them. it may save further trouble down the line.

since it's your H's family, let him make the final call.

ReturnOfKuus

Was that the jackass "friend" who kept trying to cause trouble between the two of you?  I'm annoyed that you ended up feeding her.

Wzz

"I say fvck them - but they're family, so even though they are rude, send an invite if you had initially planned on inviting them. it may save further trouble down the line."

This, exactly.

*Barbie*

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_some-opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:ac723306-963a-40a3-831a-cf9162b99b5fPost:6ed7f5a1-4c2d-419b-8673-889fb0569f33">Re: Some Opinions?</a>:
[QUOTE]Was that the jackass "friend" who kept trying to cause trouble between the two of you?  I'm annoyed that you ended up feeding her.
Posted by ReturnOfKuus[/QUOTE]

yes - she was a total Drama Llama. i was annoyed too.

i let DK make the call since she was his "friend" - i think i had met her a total of one time before the wedding.

I'm happy that he finally realized she was toxic and cut off contact. DK can be too nice at times.

RachelOleo

We only had a two year engagement because we're still in college... we decided to wait until we graduated to get married.

I'm not mad at the cousins for picking the dates they did if they were what was convenient. That's what we did.

We sent out our invites today, but the naysayers are close family memebers, mostly his aunts. And they specifically said that they thought there were too many weddings and probably wouldn't come to ours, not the scenario zsazsa illustrated. In that case, I wouldn't have been upset; people talk. His mother is one of 14 children... so saying that about half (14 people, with spouses) aren't coming because they can't be bothered is hurtful.

My FI is upset because he feels like his family is unsupportive or unhappy with our marriage, something no one has said.

*Barbie*

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_some-opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:ac723306-963a-40a3-831a-cf9162b99b5fPost:a3bb3386-2009-4aa6-b4f2-ca35027b8b71">Re: Some Opinions?</a>:
[QUOTE]We only had a two year engagement because we're still in college... we decided to wait until we graduated to get married. I'm not mad at the cousins for picking the dates they did if they were what was convenient. That's what we did. <strong>We sent out our invites today</strong>, but the naysayers are close family memebers, mostly his aunts. And they specifically said that they thought there were too many weddings and probably wouldn't come to ours, not the scenario zsazsa illustrated. In that case, I wouldn't have been upset; people talk. His mother is one of 14 children... so saying that about half (14 people, with spouses) aren't coming because they can't be bothered is hurtful. My FI is upset because he feels like his family is unsupportive or unhappy with our marriage, something no one has said.
Posted by RachelOleo[/QUOTE]

4 months notice for a June wedding?

RachelOleo

Too soon? I was just happy to have them done.

ReturnOfKuus

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_some-opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:ac723306-963a-40a3-831a-cf9162b99b5fPost:a3bb3386-2009-4aa6-b4f2-ca35027b8b71">Re: Some Opinions?</a>:
[QUOTE] My FI is upset because he feels like his family is unsupportive or unhappy with our marriage, something no one has said.
Posted by RachelOleo[/QUOTE]


Maybe you should reassure him that they're not unhappy with your marriage, rather that they care too little about it to get a free meal, let alone be upset.