I'm not really sure of the appropriate board to post this on but I am in need of some general advice on how to handle a tough situation...
FI and I have been together over 3 years and are getting married in November. His parents have always liked me pretty well but in the past few months our relationship has deteriorated to pretty much nothing. It started on a weekend trip to visit them in their home early this summer, where his Dad (who is an extreme egomaniac and has a tendency to talk-down or pick on others) treated me, I felt, really poorly. The whole trip he just kind of railed on me for every little thing (like, button-pushing type behavior but for no reason) even telling FI at one point, "Well, this is what you are in for... good luck." Not in a joking manner. I was genuinely sweet and nice and well-mannered the entire time.
I kind of just dealt with it and sucked it up, sent a thank-you note for the trip and hospitality, etc. FI could tell that his Dad's actions bothered me, and while I said not to make any big deal about it, he kind of avoided talking to his Dad because he was kind of pissed. Nothing much really happened, FILs thought I was misunderstanding FFILs behavior, which I don't really see as possible since FI and two dinner guests one of the night's noticed it (FFIL just picking on me relentlessly), and asked me if I was alright.
So time goes on and I really hadn't talked to his parents at all and then they sent FI a letter telling him that they no longer approve of his decision to marry me, so they can't be a part of it. They said that they have already notified the people involved with what they had offered many months ago to provide for the wedding (rehearsal dinner and flowers) that they were cancelling their agreements with them and told FI that they were not being a part of any of it, including coming to the wedding. Both of us attempted to reconcile with them and move forward, but it didn't work. It felt very much like a "I'm taking my ball (or money) and going home because I am not getting my way" kind of thing.
So FI and I had a discussion that we would continue on without them involved, and he expressed that he was "tired of their power plays and trying to control people." Evidently this is how they have handled other situations with him in the past, including when he was previously engaged (over 10 years ago). My parents (who are paying for everything else already) offered to also cover the expenses they left hanging out there. My parents are upset that FIs parents never returned their calls or emails about this (they were calling only to talk about their involvment in the wedding, not to get involed in the relationship-gone-bad).
Is there any way I can make it easier on FI the day of when they aren't there? When I send invites, do I still send one to them (to me, it seems like they already "rsvpd no")?
All of this is small considering that we have a whole life coming up together that we have to either be involved with them (or not) but right now I am worried about FI because he is hurt by everything going on. =(
Thanks for any advice.