Home stretch misery

lindseymon

Hi everyone,
I am less than 3 weeks from my wedding and I am feeling terrible. I feel like I have so much on my shoulders and my FI isn't really helping me with anything. I have asked him to help with calling people in his family who haven't RSVP'ed (there are so many, what is wrong with people??) but he said "Well, they're probably all coming and just figured we knew." I can't confirm my numbers if I don't HAVE my numbers! I haven't met a lot of them so I don't have a way to contact them. I am resenting him because I did not want to have a big wedding but he did, so I said ok against my better judgment, and now all the work has been dumped on me. (I was married once before) I am so tired. I am paying for everything, with a little help from my mom, and I don't think he has a clue how much this is costing though I have tried to include him in everything. He is a firefighter and doesn't make much money so he doesn't have any extra cash to pitch in with. I want to stop resenting him but I don't know how. I want to enjoy this! Does anyone have any suggestions about how to get over the hump? I can't take any "get over it" types of responses, so if that's what you're going to say please don't waste your time.

Thank you for any ideas.

Lindsey

Wzz

so, you are basically throwing yourself a wedding and paying for it on your own? and your fiance isn't contributing a dime, or even any of his time?

how do you know he wants to get married?

since you actually planned the thing and sent out invitations, i suggest getting the contact information for the people who haven't RSVP'd and calling them yourself. if your FI can't get their numbers or email, then ask the in laws you DO know and ask them for help.

Wzz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_home-stretch-misery?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:b1fd7b74-dde3-45da-b72b-a9c4da5a84b5Post:c952a29a-a3c6-4b08-93f1-3113e445cc61">Home stretch misery</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi everyone, I am less than 3 weeks from my wedding and I am feeling terrible. I feel like I have so much on my shoulders and my FI isn't really helping me with anything. I have asked him to help with calling people in his family who haven't RSVP'ed (there are so many, what is wrong with people??) but he said "Well, they're probably all coming and just figured we knew." I can't confirm my numbers if I don't HAVE my numbers! I haven't met a lot of them so I don't have a way to contact them. I am resenting him because I did not want to have a big wedding but he did, so I said ok against my better judgment, and now all the work has been dumped on me. (I was married once before) I am so tired. I am paying for everything, with a little help from my mom, and I don't think he has a clue how much this is costing though I have tried to include him in everything. He is a firefighter and doesn't make much money so he doesn't have any extra cash to pitch in with. I want to stop resenting him but I don't know how. I want to enjoy this! Does anyone have any suggestions about how to get over the hump? I can't take any "get over it" types of responses, so if that's what you're going to say please don't waste your time. Thank you for any ideas. Lindsey
Posted by lindseymon[/QUOTE]

Peacebone

I'm three weeks out from my wedding too, so I totally feel your pain... There are so many little things that have to be done still, and it can be overwhelming. I am still waiting on a few RSVPs as well. WTF people, I need to know so that you have a seat and food! UGH.

I think that you need to have a serious talk with your fi. I mean, you are marrying him because you love him and want to spend your life with him, right? You need to communicate. He needs to help, and if he doesn't, do you really want to marry someone who would just dump all of the responsiblity and cost on you? He probably doesn't even realize the toll that this is taking on you. Talk to him.

I hope that everything works out!

lindseymon

Basically, yes. I know he wants to get married because this was all his idea. I never said anything about getting married before he proposed. He loves the idea of being married and all that. I'm not worried about him not wanting to get married. (though with the way I've been acting, I wouldn't want to marry me lol) I'm an event planner so he knows that I know how to do it, so he just expected me to do it  :)

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_home-stretch-misery?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:b1fd7b74-dde3-45da-b72b-a9c4da5a84b5Post:776e109a-8774-4b2c-b815-ebb06aec00aa">Re: Home stretch misery</a>:
[QUOTE]so, you are basically throwing yourself a wedding and paying for it on your own? and your fiance isn't contributing a dime, or even any of his time? how do you know he wants to get married? since you actually planned the thing and sent out invitations, i suggest getting the contact information for the people who haven't RSVP'd and calling them yourself. if your FI can't get their numbers or email, then ask the in laws you DO know and ask them for help.
Posted by Wzz[/QUOTE]

Wzz

these are your words:

"I am resenting him because I did not want to have a big wedding but he did, so I said ok against my better judgment, and now all the work has been dumped on me. (I was married once before) I am so tired. I am paying for everything,"


so you first said you resent him, but now you have excuses for why you took over the event and for how you've been acting?

okay, good luck with that. i dont think anyone can help you. JMHO.

hmonkey

[QUOTE]Basically, yes. I know he wants to get married because this was all his idea.<strong> I never said anything about getting married before he proposed. He loves the idea of being married and all that. I'm not worried about him not wanting to get married.</strong> (though with the way I've been acting, I wouldn't want to marry me lol) I'm an event planner so he knows that I know how to do it, so he just expected me to do it  :)
Posted by lindseymon[/QUOTE]

dude.  do YOU want to get married? 

*Barbie*

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_home-stretch-misery?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:b1fd7b74-dde3-45da-b72b-a9c4da5a84b5Post:c2b428e5-2742-45f8-aa42-1138478a5708">Re: Home stretch misery</a>:
[QUOTE]Basically, yes. I know he wants to get married because this was all his idea. I never said anything about getting married before he proposed.<strong> He loves the idea of being married and all that.</strong> I'm not worried about him not wanting to get married. (though with the way I've been acting, I wouldn't want to marry me lol) I'm an event planner so he knows that I know how to do it, so he just expected me to do it  :) In Response to Re: Home stretch misery :
Posted by lindseymon[/QUOTE]

<div>i think he loves the idea of having a new mommy, but still getting sex at the same time. </div>

lindseymon

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_home-stretch-misery?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:b1fd7b74-dde3-45da-b72b-a9c4da5a84b5Post:51cc3c55-9f17-47da-a7cf-68c55fe4b1de">Re: Home stretch misery</a>:
[QUOTE]dude.  do YOU want to get married? 
Posted by hmonkey[/QUOTE]

Yes, I want to get married. I just didn't want a wedding.

lindseymon

Wow, thank you, you are so helpful and friendly. I don't even know why I use this board, so many people are just jerks on here.


In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_home-stretch-misery?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:b1fd7b74-dde3-45da-b72b-a9c4da5a84b5Post:752b7d85-3c48-4d7e-b86b-468278f134a6">Re: Home stretch misery</a>:
[QUOTE]these are your words: "I am resenting him because I did not want to have a big wedding but he did , so I said ok against my better judgment, and now all the work has been dumped on me. (I was married once before) I am so tired. I am paying for everything," so you first said you resent him, but now you have excuses for why you took over the event and for how you've been acting? okay, good luck with that. i dont think anyone can help you. JMHO.
Posted by Wzz[/QUOTE]

Wzz

sorry we sent you that personal invitation and just started talking about your life without anything to go on.

hmonkey

i just think it is tres weird that he proposed and all when you never even discussed getting married + you don't seem that excited about being married to this dude.

KaySea6213

I'm not an expert on anything wedding, but I have noticed that I've been quick to feel upset with my FI for not working or stressing as much as I have lately. I'm sure this is really common, especially as you get closer and closer to your wedding date.

What you need to focus on though is the person you're marrying. When I get all stressed out, I just take a breather and think about my FI and the way his hand fits perfectly in mine, or how amazing it is to wake up next to him every single day. Then I imagine all those wonderful little things reoccurring every day for the rest of our lives, and I remember that all the details don't really matter. What truly matters is that when I say I do, it's his eyes I'll be looking into and his hands I will be holding.

Maybe what you need is to just relax. Designate a few hours of your day to be wedding free - go to the movies, eat a cheeseburger, play laser tag or mini-golf - just get out of the house and have a little fun. I'm sure your FI misses the moments where you weren't all stressed out too, so just spend some time together and enjoy each other's company

If you're unsure about whether this is something you really want after your wedding-free hours, maybe you and your FI should sit down for a serious talk.


As for getting him to make the phone calls, make a simple checklist for him. Give him a few items at a time to check off, this way he doesn't feel overwhelmed and you get to be a little more stress free. Or like PP said, get ahold of the in-laws you do know.

FlaNYtattoogirl

You should pay a therapist if you don't like listening to the free counseling provided by strangers.

brooklynbt

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_home-stretch-misery?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:b1fd7b74-dde3-45da-b72b-a9c4da5a84b5Post:6cc98249-bef7-4d24-891a-177c2cc4fb28">Re: Home stretch misery</a>:
[QUOTE]sorry we sent you that personal invitation and just started talking about your life without anything to go on.
Posted by Wzz[/QUOTE]

You really are something.  I am sure your relationship is all rainbows and butterflies right?

brooklynbt

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_home-stretch-misery?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:b1fd7b74-dde3-45da-b72b-a9c4da5a84b5Post:0de26934-1d85-4170-8900-2665897a1042">Re: Home stretch misery</a>:
[QUOTE]i just think it is tres weird that he proposed and all when you never even discussed getting married + you don't seem that excited about being married to this dude.
Posted by hmonkey[/QUOTE]

I think you are out in space.  And obviously havent done much planning of your own wedding, if you are even getting married.   Planning and being hands on is very stressful and can challenge the best of relationships.   Has nothing to do with wanting to get married.  Wow.

brooklynbt

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_home-stretch-misery?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:b1fd7b74-dde3-45da-b72b-a9c4da5a84b5Post:0d4d156f-fbbf-4e98-968b-81945a913e3f">Re: Home stretch misery</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Home stretch misery : Yes, I want to get married. I just didn't want a wedding.
Posted by lindseymon[/QUOTE]

I am 6 months out and I am pretty stressed!  It has its days that are better than others, but I know it is more the planning of the event than our relationship, it IS a stressful thing!  its a huge event, and its totally focused on you two, all eyes are on you and you feel a lot of pressure for it to be "just so".   I would just LET GO of expectations, and stick BY YOUR RSVP dates.  I mean what else can you do?  If they did not RSVP, i would give one final attempt to get ahold of them yourself by trying to get their contact info off of his mother or something, and if she cant help you, then count them as NO's.  What else can ya do?  You had an RSVP date for a reason