OMG! WHY?

AlicesFall

OK, so FH thinks all he has to do is - ask the question & show up.  I have been trying to gently nudge that we need to be SAVING & PLANNING ( or at least getting some ideas together!) Now he wants to buy a "plow-truck", hello! there dear- uhm we kinda missed the boat there... then wants to rent a garage to keep it (& his motorcycles < yeah two...) then goes on to shatter the new iPhone4 I got him for christmas...really dude- come on.... beyond that he totally shuts down at the word "wedding" - i am not asking him to lift a finger, i just want to make sure that i am taking into account all the family/friends etc. he would like to invite or any other special things he would like... it doesn't seem like hes excited at all - and he wants to spend all willy nilly - OMG- SO FRUSTRATED.....already... and i'm only in the research phase of this whole adventure....

Heather2256

Maybe he's one of those guys who thinks the girl is suppose to do 100% of all the wedding stuff? Have you tried showing him how much the wedding will cost compared to your income & bills/spending habits? That's what people on these boards have suggested to me.

VarunaTT

He doesn't really want to marry you. 

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_omg-21?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:b81cb247-264a-4ad8-8061-d648e0d878a7Post:31aaa49d-1be1-4770-97f4-5d964824c1f4">OMG! WHY?</a>:
[QUOTE]OK, so FH thinks all he has to do is - ask the question & show up.  I have been trying to gently nudge that we need to be SAVING & PLANNING ( or at least getting some ideas together!) Now he wants to buy a "plow-truck", hello! there dear- uhm we kinda missed the boat there... then wants to rent a garage to keep it (& his motorcycles < yeah two...) then goes on to shatter the new iPhone4 I got him for christmas...really dude- come on.... beyond that he totally shuts down at the word "wedding" - i am not asking him to lift a finger, i just want to make sure that i am taking into account all the family/friends etc. he would like to invite or any other special things he would like... it doesn't seem like hes excited at all - and he wants to spend all willy nilly - OMG- SO FRUSTRATED.....already... and i'm only in the research phase of this whole adventure....
Posted by AlicesFall[/QUOTE]

Um, I think you guys need to sit down and talk and get on the same page. It sounds like his priorities are elsewhere and he may not be ready for marriage right now. I would definitely also think about some pre-marital counseling if you haven't done so already. That may help get some of the issues worked out.

TheNextGreatBaker

I don't think it has anything to do with him not wanting to marry you or else he never would have asked...I know that my fiance and I went through this at first because we have no children and we were used to being more free with our money. We did sit down and talk about priorities and once we were on the same page it really helped and now he has no problem with it and is actually excited. Once your big day is finally there and he finally gets to see you, i am sure money will never cross his mind! Some men just aren't thrilled with wedding planning so my advice is to find a girlfriend or family member that will enjoy it with you! Wedding planning doesn't have to be stressful like most people say..all you have to do is surround yourself with good people. Good luck!

6fsn

Sounds like some pre-marital and financial counseling is in order.

yoko2011

Aside from what pp have said, does your FI have any idea of what it costs to have a NJ wedding? I realize weddings are expensive everywhere but maybe I feel like the cost here (grew up in NJ, live across the border in HV) is insane just for the basics not just a PPD. I think if you told him costs of you want x of your friends, etc. and it's 100 (low side by the time you add tax, fees, etc.) pp he will realize that you can't swing all of those things and wedding. Just having a real frank discussion will help. good luck.

Edit: Most of the guys I know usually are involved to some degree i.e. dj, photog, venue but after that feel like the bride picks whatever. So maybe that is a part of it too, but either way you need to have a real conversation.

DG1

I'd be really concerned about his spending habits and inability to take care of his things like a big boy.  It's one thing not to know how much a wedding costs or not wanting a big wedding, but eventually he'll have to stop buying toys so you can save for home improvements, kids' college, retirement, etc. 

So, yes. Premarital counseling AND financial counseling, big time.

xcrewgal

I hear ya sister!  I think men are just 100% clueless about how much work goes into these events. 

I'm realizing (late in the game) that all you can do is adjust your expectations.  Both my FH and my mom think there might be an hour (tops) of work for the wedding each week.  I spent 15 hours on it this week alone!!!  99% of the fights with her have been about how much work there really is, and who's doing it (there's 10x more than she thinks, and I'm doing it).