Just need to vent

pullmane

I'm pretty new to the knot wedding boards, but I need to vent!
My FI and I are planning to marry in Sept 2012.  My sister and I wandered into a dress shop yesterday just for fun and of course I fell in love with a dress.  I wasn't planning on getting a dress so early, but I loved it! 
My mom and FMIL came to the dress shop to see it and they loved it.  My FMIL and I are very close and she offered to buy my dress.  I kinda hesitated because this was all overwhelmng, but she insisted and said that it would make her happy.
After everything was paid for we all left very excited and I couldn't wait to tell my FI the good news.
When I got home and told him, he got really upset and said that I took advantage of his mom and he can't believe that I got a dress so soon.  Of course this ruined the whole day for me and I'm so upset.  How can I make him understand how exciting this decision is for a woman?  Ican't believe that he thinks I took advantage of his mom!  Ugh!  I guess I'm just posting this to vent, but any comments and/or advice is welcome. Thanks!

sister2groom

Sounds like there's a bigger issue besides him getting upset about the dress, you need to work this out with your FI.

You obviously you either knew this would be really an imposition at the time (in which case, allowing her to buy the dress would be pretty inconsiderate), or you didn't. But it doesn't seem like you thought it was an imposition.

If you knew of existing money problems because FI was giving her money or something, or if you and FI had already discussed you didn't want her helping with the wedding financially, then I could see him getting upset. But neither of those sound like that's what was going on, so it kind of seems like he was expecting you to divine his feelings on this, which is not fair.

pullmane

There are no money issues.  My FI  and I have been together for 9 years so I know pretty much everything about my FMIL.  She has been planning on giving us a set amount for some time.  All she asked was that we use it a little bit here and there.  She just doesn't want us to ask for the full amount all at once.  Which is completely fine!  I am so grateful that she is offering to help!  Also, she is the type of person that offers money and if you refuse to take it, you will find it in your purse or pocket later anyway.  (She sneaks it in there)  I know that doing this makes her happy. maybe I should have waited and talked to him first...I dunno : /

MinM

If your FMIL regularly gives you cash, how is this taking advantage of her?

MrsSilverwolf

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_just-need-vent-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:b83e83a9-43fd-4232-8ab7-f155887093d6Post:af4f805a-792b-4c20-8093-3b93fa6185bb">Re: Just need to vent</a>:
[QUOTE]If your FMIL regularly gives you cash, how is this taking advantage of her?
Posted by MinM[/QUOTE]

I agree. I don't see how this is taking advantage at all if she had already said she was going to give you money for the wedding. And, buying the dress fits right in with the "using it here and there" situation.
I would sit down with him and try to ask him why it bothered him so much.