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Intuition vs. Paranoia Help!

It is a very long story so in short:
I was doing homework, my hubby watching football, suddenly gets a text and gets his phone and proceeds to text the person consistently for at least 30 minutes. Our relationship is super open, we don't ever hide anything, if something is irking us and bothering us, we get it out in the open right away in order to squash the issue. However, I asked him what he was doing and this is how out convo went

me: what are you up to
him: I am on my phone
me: well yeah I know that, but what are you doing on your phone
him: nothing
me: you've been on it for like half an hour, I can hear it
him: it's not of your business
me: yes it is my business, you're always asking me
him: you're freaking out over nothing

So I know I shouldn't let this bother me but when I am texting someone and he asks me and it takes me too long to respond he takes my phone from my hand and reads my texts.

Is this a red flag cause we've all heard the idea that if you're checking someone else's phone, it's because you're paranoid about them checking yours because you're hiding something. Or am I just going crazy and he was just being a jerk last night? Undecided

Re: Intuition vs. Paranoia Help!

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    Leg de NicoLeg de Nico member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    How old are you guys?
    aka: nicoleg1982
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    hmonkeyhmonkey member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    he sounds like a jerk in general, and yes, it sounds like he is cheating on you.

    btw, it's "irking." 
    image
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    mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Urking = http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_RZphDLgXUZQ/TP-dtAMbW0I/AAAAAAAABb8/jHoKtwgxj8Q/s640/urkel.jpg
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    edited December 2011
    Either he's planning a surprise party for you or he is tapping some hoochie on the side.

    I already know my answer.
    image
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    edited December 2011
    Thanks for the "help" I didn't ask for insolent remarks I asked for a real response. 
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    mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_intuition-vs-paranoia?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:bd561a4a-3489-442c-9521-a8d9fbc41951Post:689a2d62-cba1-4d13-9841-94a39a196417">Intuition vs. Paranoia Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]It is a very long story so in short: I was doing homework, my hubby watching football, suddenly gets a text and gets his phone and proceeds to text the person consistently for at least 30 minutes. Our relationship is super open, we don't ever hide anything, if something is irking us and bothering us, we get it out in the open right away in order to squash the issue. However, I asked him what he was doing and this is how out convo went me: what are you up to him: I am on my phone me: well yeah I know that, but what are you doing on your phone him: nothing me: you've been on it for like half an hour, I can hear it him: it's not of your business me: yes it is my business, you're always asking me him: you're freaking out over nothing So I know I shouldn't let this bother me but when I am texting someone and he asks me and it takes me too long to respond he takes my phone from my hand and reads my texts. Is this a red flag cause we've all heard the idea that if you're checking someone else's phone, it's because you're paranoid about them checking yours because you're hiding something. Or am I just going crazy and he was just being a jerk last night? 
    Posted by CortNort[/QUOTE]

    JIC
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    hmonkeyhmonkey member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    [QUOTE]Is this a red flag cause we've all heard the idea that if you're checking someone else's phone, it's because you're paranoid about them checking yours because you're hiding something. Or am I just going crazy and he was just being a jerk last night? 
    Posted by CortNort[/QUOTE]

    cort -- seriously, these are all giant red flag. 

    he won't tell you who he's texting but he has to know who you are texting: he thinks there are different rules for you than there are for him.

    i won't even go into the phone grabbing.
    image
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_intuition-vs-paranoia?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:bd561a4a-3489-442c-9521-a8d9fbc41951Post:aeb2ea77-0a30-4951-8042-be410ed33d48">Re: Intuition vs. Paranoia Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks for the "help" I didn't ask for insolent remarks I asked for a real response. 
    Posted by CortNort[/QUOTE]

    You <em>are</em> getting real responses.  You just don't like them.  (And if it's the spelling corrections that you think are "insolent," you obviously haven't been on TK that long - spelling gets corrected all the time around here.  It's actually a kindness to the poster - you don't want to go around spelling things incorrectly, do you?)
    imagemy to-read shelf:
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    LnR70707LnR70707 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    he is a controlling ass if he thinks it is ok to grab your phone from you.
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    edited December 2011
    If a man grabbed my phone from me it'd be followed by a swift fist to the nuts. That's red flag number one.
    As far as the sneaky texting, If he's not doing anything wrong, then he would tell you what he's doing...So I think you already know the answer here.
    image
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    *Barbie**Barbie* member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    i'm betting he's controlling in other aspects of your relationship, too.

    getting grabby with your phone/checking out your convos and hiding his are all huge red flags.
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    zsazsa-stlzsazsa-stl member
    First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    You are both throwing up some major trust red flags. 

    How old are you?
    image

    I just a friendly gal looking for options.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    edited December 2011
    21 and 22
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    edited December 2011
    List all of the reasons why you think you love and want to marry him, and all of the reasons you don't.

    You need to see on paper what we are seeing on this screen.
    image
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    hmonkeyhmonkey member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    they're already married.  *sigh*
    image
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    mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_intuition-vs-paranoia?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:bd561a4a-3489-442c-9521-a8d9fbc41951Post:0720cbb6-fa18-4f52-a9bb-42f34f2cac03">Re: Intuition vs. Paranoia Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]List all of the reasons <strong>why you think you love and want to marry him</strong>, and all of the reasons you don't. You need to see on paper what we are seeing on this screen.
    Posted by NOLABridesmaid[/QUOTE]

    They're already married NOLA.
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    edited December 2011
    Oh! Darn, I got nothing then.:(
    image
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    edited December 2011
    No we aren't, we will be in 5 months, I've just gotten used to calling him hubby
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    edited December 2011

    Heck, y'all, I'm done.

    Cork, please take my advice and start that list because it's more than enough time to stop this train.

    image
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    mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_intuition-vs-paranoia?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:bd561a4a-3489-442c-9521-a8d9fbc41951Post:8ee4eb3b-bb60-45f8-94af-93bc992eff67">Re: Intuition vs. Paranoia Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]No we aren't, we will be in 5 months, I've just gotten used to calling him hubby
    Posted by CortNort[/QUOTE]

    ::headdesk::

    Then please follow NOLA's last post. 
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    edited December 2011
    Cort, what have your family been saying about him? Do they like him?
    image
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    ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Nostrakuusmus predicts something like this for your future, minus the late marriage and stepkids:


    http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/59849388.aspx
    image
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