Copy-Cat Guest (& Soon-to-be-Bride)

cnb1572 · June 2010

So, I'm needing to vent a little, and maybe someone else has dealt with this as well & has some advice. I have a friend that I used to be really close with. We'd hang out, go to the gym, etc. several times a week, & things were cool. My FH & her boyfriend have been close ever since before high school, as well.

When my FH & I got engaged (Christmas), she started pushing really hard for her boyfriend to propose (I get it. A lot of people seem to catch the wedding-bliss-bug going around & want in on the action). When he finally did pop the question in March, I was happy for them. So, obviously, being all friends, they are invited to our wedding.

Here's where it gets annoying. Right after she got engaged, she started pumping me for information on about my wedding. I kept quiet on the details (kinda want it to be a little bit of a surprise), but she was really aggressive. Our wedding date is Sept. 18th, 2010, which we picked & booked back in January. We picked a place on Lake Michigan under a gazebo. She booked hers for Sept. 17th, also on a lake under a gazebo.

Weeks after they booked their wedding date, while at a BBQ, a friend of mine pointed out to her that she had practically stolen my date. She laughed. Later in the evening (I work late, so I missed the first part, but was told later by about five different people), she found me at the party & said that she had JUST realized that we were going to have pretty much the same anniversary.

She on numerous occasions has made slighting comments about my ring, which I love. Most often these remarks are simply out of nowhere & almost always made in front of mutual friends, like, 'Well, I GUESS your ring is nice, too.'

The worst (although with several months left, I'm sure it won't be the last) came this past Monday, when I had a bunch of girlfriends over. She sought me out to tell me (again in front of everyone) that she had gone to the same bridal shop I had & had PURPOSELY tried on my dress. She said that she thought she looked really good in it & was strongly considering it.

I'm not in competition with her, and we never have been (that I realized, anyway). Her fiancé is seriously awesome, & I don't want to ruin the relationship between him & my FH, but I'm pretty sure that I will never be buddy-buddy with her again. What am I supposed to do? What is it about getting married that makes her want to rain on my parade?

MinM · June 2010

Because NO ONE before you has gotten married in a gazebo. Seriously, let it go.

If she wants to rip off your ideas, you can't stop her. You might as well consider it flattery. Offer to let her buy your used wedding dress. In doing so, you could make some cash of her copying you.

AprilDBradshaw · June 2010

Oh my gosh that would drive me insane. I can't believe the gall she has to do all of that!
I sympathize with your situation. Did she and her dear fiance not even consider what a hassle it would be for the both of you to have weddings so close? Who wants to spend their day at a wedding the day before your own?? Or go to a wedding the day right after your own? It's just common sense not to do that. Does she realize you won't want to go to her wedding after everything she's pulled, the day before yours?
What's her fiance think of this? Is he as tactless as she is, or just absolutely clueless as to what's going on? What's your fiance think?
I wouldn't want it to turn into a huge fight and lose your friends, but then again she doesn't seem like that great of a friend to be copying everything you're doing. It's not just flattery, it's sabotaging any effort you make for your day to be special and individual.
I'm not sure what advice to give you. At least, if you don't want to lose your friends. You're already so close to your wedding day, and tension will only get higher and higher. You can kindly inform her that you can't make her wedding due to the pressure of your own--which in my opinion is a perfectly acceptable reason. It certainly isn't your fault that she schedule her wedding like that.
Let us know how it goes.....
Sincerely,
April

pixiedust84 · June 2010

September 17th as in the day before yours? Or September 17th 2011?

If it's the day before yours I do think she could have picked a different date. I mean you get a day and not a year,month, etc. BUT still it seems weird for her to do that judging on how close you were. Also to pick your dress would be ridiculous. Especially in that situation.

The whole venue thing, whatever. It happens - tons of people love lake weddings. But I can see being frustrated with the snide comments and dress situation. Just vent on here and not to her because it won't help. Also try to avoid talking wedding with her at all costs. If she asks you about details just say "We haven't figured that out yet" and then bean dip her. (change the subject)

Also if it's September 17th, 2011 - absolutely just let it go. It will be a year after yours and nobody will notice that she "copied" you.

Theresa626 · June 2010

She sounds like a bitch. Be glad that she won't be at your wedding cuz hers in the same weekend. Hopefully, she wont steal some of your friends away. Anyway, it'll be nice to slowly drop her as a friend because she is irritating. Just stop calling her.

TheDuckis · June 2010

Seriously, I think every bride ever should wear my dress. It's the prettiest wedding dress that was ever made and I have no idea why anyone would prefer any dress over it. If one of my friends said they were buying the same dress I had I'd congratulate them on their impeccable taste, and then feel a little smug for having the awesome dress first.

And for real, your weddings are a year apart. By the time hers rolls around no one will remember yours.

6fsn · June 2010

Wait they are a year apart? You're both crazy then. Your friend shouldn't be copying you, but there's so much time between who cares.

LnR70707 · June 2010

If hers is a year after yours she will just look like a pathetic douche who can't think for herself. If she irritates you that much, keep feeding her ideas and let her fall on her own sword, because honestly...after she attends your wedding she'll have plenty of time to try to make hers identical...so not sharing details is rather pointless.