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What to do about the guest who hates you?

A few months ago I was at a party with my fiances family. Late that night, my fiance was a drunken mess and got a cut on his forehead. He was sitting down when his brother-in-laws' girlfriend came and sat in his lap.

I'm normally not a confrontational person, but I went over to see what the deal was. It was very disturbing to see her consoling him by sitting on his knee and stroking his chest. I asked her if she had her own boyfriends lap she could sit in. She got angry. I haven't seen her since. My fiance does not remember the 'incident' and truely believes she is not in the wrong, so we haven't brought it up since. I don't see a point in staying angry about it, and besides... Can I really blame her for finding my fiances' lap so sitable? Ha, jk ;P


So now comes the awkward part of seeing her at the wedding. How do I deal with someone talking sh*t about me at my own wedding? Do I just ignore her completely? Or just pretend it never happened and greet her with open arms?

Re: What to do about the guest who hates you?

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    Was there pee involved because this story sounds like I heard it before?

    :)
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    have you and your boyfriend been to target recently?
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    Hahahaaa! Thankfully, no.
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    edited January 2012
    The real question should be; why does my FI not think it is a big deal? Maybe he's smushing her.
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    So your FI gets black-out drunk and lets other women sit on his lap and touch him...but you are mad at the woman in this situation instead of him?  What am I missing?
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    I just a friendly gal looking for options.

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    mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited January 2012
    I keep reading your name as "Trashy". 

    And I agree with Zsa.
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    Yeah, I was thinking the first thing that needs to happen is you have a talk with FI about his drinking.  

    Wait...his brother-in-law's girlfriend?  An in-law is related to you by marriage.  So, she's not his sister, he's not your brother, what am I missing?
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    PMeg819PMeg819 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited January 2012
    Well to answer the question in your title...I don't know what to do about a guest who hates you. I'm so awesome, no one hates me.

    I agree with what's been said, but I also have to wonder why you think she hates you. Given the information you have provided, she hasn't said anything about you. Apparently, this girl was mad at the time of the event, but how do you know she still hates you?
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_what-to-do-about?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:beeb71be-ca6f-4739-b76f-488e6799addaPost:c134eca2-d86a-40ab-bb25-54accc5b38cd">Re: What to do about the guest who hates you?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well to answer the question in your title...I don't know what to do about a guest who hates you. I'm so awesome, no one hates me. I agree with what's been said, but I also have to wonder why you think she hates you. Given the information you have provided, she hasn't said anything about you. Apparently, this girl was mad at the time of the event, but how do you know she still hates you?
    Posted by PMeg819[/QUOTE]


    I guess I should clarify some of the follow up of the event. Since then she has made it known to family members what she thinks of me. She no longer attends any of the family get-togethers that I attend. Plus she sent my a nice long FB message with a lot of words that rhyme with pitch and runt.



    I'm not going to bother replying to all the messages about my FI. I'm not here asking for relationship advice. The fact is I will never assume he is cheating, since he never will! I am so blessed that I don't need to be distrusting or paranoid of my partners intentions. The problems I actually DO have with my fiance are ones we can solve together, that is why we are getting married.
    Wish someone had warned me how cynical the wedding boards can be!

    Anyway, if anybody has any real advice on how they handled having a guest they were uncorfortable with at their wedding please let me know.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_what-to-do-about?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:beeb71be-ca6f-4739-b76f-488e6799addaPost:8326075e-ac0a-4db9-b47d-d9a2394259a1">Re: What to do about the guest who hates you?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wait...his brother-in-law's girlfriend?  An in-law is related to you by marriage.  So, she's not his sister, he's not your brother, what am I missing?
    Posted by RaptorSLH[/QUOTE]

    Well I didn't exactly know how to word this one. It's his sisters husbands brother, I'm not sure what that makes him... Maybe I should have stuck with "one of his closest friends" but we're all family here =P
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    ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited January 2012
    Let me get this straight: your FI, now that he's sober, thinks it's perfectly appropriate for other women to sit on his lap and stroke his chest, and also for them to subsequently send family newsletters calling you names?  Sounds like a great partner right there.

    As for the wedding guest question, if your husband's siblings' in-laws' girlfriends are on the invite list, then you need to cut the whole list the hell down.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_what-to-do-about?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:beeb71be-ca6f-4739-b76f-488e6799addaPost:3dc0314a-a267-47fb-adda-fbc7e61933f1">Re: What to do about the guest who hates you?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: What to do about the guest who hates you? : I guess I should clarify some of the follow up of the event. Since then she has made it known to family members what she thinks of me. She no longer attends any of the family get-togethers that I attend. Plus she sent my a nice long FB message with a lot of words that rhyme with pitch and runt. I'm not going to bother replying to all the messages about my FI. I'm not here asking for relationship advice. The fact is I will never assume he is cheating, since he never will! I am so blessed that I don't need to be distrusting or paranoid of my partners intentions. The problems I actually DO have with my fiance are ones we can solve together, that is why we are getting married. Wish someone had warned me how cynical the wedding boards can be! Anyway, if anybody has any real advice on how they handled having a guest they were uncorfortable with at their wedding please let me know.
    Posted by trshly[/QUOTE]



    Paragraph 1: If Your FI loves you, and isn't banging his sisters husbands brothers girlfriend, he would allow you to uninvite this jerk for calling you such horrible names on FB.

    Paragraph 2: How do you know for a fact that he wont cheat? He gets blacked out drunk and lets a woman sit on his lap and give him a rub down. There is a tried and true saying "a drunk mind speaks a sober tongue"

    Paragraph 3: yeah theese whores on this site are the most cynical group of overweight bullies you will ever come across.
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    What do do about the unfriendly wedding guest: You have two options.  Option one is to sit down with your FI, and make it plain that the way she is treating you is unacceptable, and he needs to stand up to his family for you.  If he doesn't, you then have a FI problem, not an in-law problem.  In fact, you already have a FI problem, because he has taken her word over yours.  

    Option two is to invite her, give her the 30-second greeting that etiquette demands, then spend the rest of your wedding with the people whose company that you enjoy.

    That's the question you asked.  As for the one you should be asking, PPs have a valid point.  People do stupid things when they're drunk, that they wouldn't have done sober.  That's actually the problem: people do stupid things when they're drunk, and they can't be undone later when they're sober.   

    It is obvious you cannot trust him drunk.  That would be fine, if he didn't drink.  Being in a home not a club doesn't change what happened.  The fact that later, he defended his actions and hers, is a major red flag.  He is not acting worthy of the trust you place in him.  This is "real" advice, even if it's not what you want to hear.  It is far more important than how to smile at a frenemy at a party.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_what-to-do-about?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:beeb71be-ca6f-4739-b76f-488e6799addaPost:bc05589c-8825-4a8c-bd3c-e27c99a59171">Re: What to do about the guest who hates you?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: What to do about the guest who hates you? : Paragraph 1: If Your FI loves you, and isn't banging his sisters husbands brothers girlfriend, he would allow you to uninvite this jerk for calling you such horrible names on FB. Paragraph 2: How do you know for a fact that he wont cheat? He gets blacked out drunk and lets a woman sit on his lap and give him a rub down. There is a tried and true saying "a drunk mind speaks a sober tongue" Paragraph <strong>3: yeah theese whores on this site are the most cynical group of overweight bullies you will ever come across.
    </strong>Posted by HermosaHearts[/QUOTE]

    This.

    I understand that uninviting can be big drama, but try to talk to FI if this girl is gonna stress you out.  If you have to invite her, all you can do is ignore her.  Maybe ask a bridesmaid to run interference?
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    If she was calling you names through FB messages...tell your FI to talk to whatever boy she belongs to and let him know what kind of woman he is with. 

    Whether they were being inappropriate or not, at this point he should totally be on your side 100% and understand you not wanting her there. You are going to be his partner in life...whether he likes it or not, he has to stick up for you!
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