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EX mother-in-law!!!

Are you ready for some real drama???

My 16-year-old daughter lives with my ex mother-in-law.  My daughter is going to be a part of my wedding, but her grandma thinks she is going to go as well.  Closer to the date, I plan on talking to her to to let her know that my FH is not okay with her going (understandably, right?).  However, what should I do if she decides to show up anyway?

Wedding Crashers are one thing, but an EX IN-LAW?  And it's extra sensitive because she plans on coming with my daughter in tow!  HELP!!

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Re: EX mother-in-law!!!

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    NukkeNukke member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Are you trying to invite a child without their legal guardian?
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    edited December 2011
    Hmmm....  3 posts.  I'm wondering if this might be MUD.  Because really- you're griping about your ex MIL comign to your wedding when she is the one raising your DD.  Not you, not your ex - but your ex MIL.

    If she is the legal guardian,then yes, actually, she does get to come w/ your DD.
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    pegasuskatpegasuskat member
    First Comment Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    If she is ok to raise your dd for you, why is not ok to come to your wedding? If she is the guardian for her, then yes she will want to come with her. She is 16 years old, a minor. If you want to have control over who takes her where then she should be living with you.
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    orexismmiiorexismmii member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011

    wow, so many judgments here.  OK, let me explain a little about my personal history.  I was stationed in Iraq when she was little.  She lived with her father, obviously, until I came home to find that he had filed divorce papers so he could marry his ex-girlfriend before our 7 year marriage.  When I faught for custody, the end decision was that he was in a stable marriage and I was in the military, "not ready to support two children".  SO, I got out of the military, and tried again.  Of course, now, I was single and he was still more qualified to raise our kids, seeing as how his "family" had been together for a total of 3 years (including before we were divorced) and no one wanted to break them up (She became pregnant with his kid while I was in Iraq).  So, because the kids were happy and healthy, I let it be. 

    HOWEVER, when my daughter turned 14, she started having problems in school.  Her father didn't understand that 14-year old girls have hormonal issues and thought she was out of control.  He sent her to live with his mother~WITHOUT MY PERMISSION! Again, I took it to court.  The court asked her where she would like to live.  Her answer: Grandma's house.  Now, she is stable and that is great. 

    The fact is that she lives with someone who I never got along with.  This is MY day, and MY FHs day.  And neither one of us are comfortable with her being there.  I appreciate all she has done for my daughter, but that doesn't give her the right to crash our wedding.  NO, she does not have full custody.  Her father and I share that. 


    BabyFruit Ticker
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    SteveandKrisSteveandKris member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    If I am reading this correctly, you and her father are her legal custodians, but grandma still has primary physical custody...

    If you are her legal custodian (even if that is joint custody with her father) I think you are perfectly within your rights to tell your ex MIL to shove it, but that's just me.  I would personally see what your family lawyer says.

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    orexismmiiorexismmii member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Thank you for your response, yes, the custodial situation is correct.  I'm going to try to handle it politely, and I'm sure that she will SAY that she understands.  But I'm worried she will come anyway.  Is there a nice way to handle wedding crashers? 

    PS I don't want to hurt my daughter's feelings either.

    BabyFruit Ticker
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    edited December 2011
    wow that's tricky. i'm sorry you and your FH are going through this. I think you are right though, the grandma doesn't automatically get invited just because your daugther is going to be in the wedding. i feel like you really got the short end of the stick with this situation, but I can't think of anything to suggest to help you. but if it helps I do think you are right.
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