Unruly Mother

Cutypiemegs

I love my Mother, very much, but we haven't always seen eye to eye.  I'm her only child, so naturally when we announced we were getting married, she was estatic.  At first it was nice to throw ideas around, because nothing at that point was "real."  My mom has completely taken control of my wedding planning, and doing things with out consulting me.  I really appreciate my Mom's help, and I want her involved in my wedding planning, but she has gotten completely out of control.  She shoots down almost idea that we have, leaving my fiance and I wondering who this wedding is about.  I've already tried to talk to her about what she's doing, how I want her involved, but she needs to take a step back.  She got mad at me and stormed off.  My aunts are worried that she's going to ruin out day with her temper, or "fits".  I also have tried to talk to my father, to see if he cold help me maybe communicate better, and gentelly remind her that it's not "her wedding day".  She was fine for like 3.5 seconds, then her antics began again, her shooting down ideas, telling me not to order flip flops for guests because she thinks it'll be "tacky" telling me my cake topper is "ugly" etc, I'm sure you guys get the point.  I guess I'm just wondering how to keep my relationship with my mother, have her involved, but still have the wedding that my fiance and I have always dreamed about. 

6fsn

Did it dawn on you your mom might be giving input based on her years of experience?  Telling you the topper is ugly was rude, but she has a point on the flip-flops.  Somehow I manage to get through life without people buying me cheap shoes.

arbolita

If you don't want her opinion on things, stop sharing your plans with her.

*Barbie*

you can't have everything you want, so you need to make a choice. you either have your mother involved and accept the fact that she's going to take over, or stop involving her in the planning, and not have to worry about her opinions/actions. she's not going to change what she's doing.

maybe your cake topper IS ugly, and buying cheap shoes for people is tacky. if i was worried about not being able to walk/dance in whatever shoes i wore, I'd bring my own backups.

ReturnOfKuus

I do wonder what this post would look like if the mother were writing.

rsxgirl0309

Wow - I normally don't comment on threads a lot - But I think you guys are being kind of harsh to her. Just because you guys wouldn't wear flip flops offered at a wedding, doesn't mean her guests won't. I think it's a cute idea, and have seen it done at weddings before where every single flip flop was taken by the end of the night. She was just asking for advice on what to do with her mother - which I can relate on, because my mother and I got into a few mega fights about the wedding for awhile. I don't really have too much  advice - just maybe tell your mother that she isn't going to be involved in any wedding planning, and she can just be a guest at the wedding if she wants to keep poo-pooing your ideas. It may sound harsh - but it may kick her back into reality that it is your and your FI's day, not hers.

Maybe I'm missing something here - but why are you ladies attacking her? AM I missing something?

ReturnOfKuus

You're missing the wondering about what it might look like from the mom's perspective.

*Barbie*

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_unruly-mother?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:c3e3def5-2a50-48d0-b0ce-2879fa7c3d3cPost:7e3aef22-65cc-4ffd-a029-7fb0ab915dde">Re: Unruly Mother</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow - I normally don't comment on threads a lot - But I think you guys are being kind of harsh to her. Just because you guys wouldn't wear flip flops offered at a wedding, doesn't mean her guests won't. I think it's a cute idea, and have seen it done at weddings before where <strong>every single flip flop was taken by the end of the night</strong>. She was just asking for advice on what to do with her mother - which I can relate on, because my mother and I got into a few mega fights about the wedding for awhile. I don't really have too much  advice - just maybe tell your mother that she isn't going to be involved in any wedding planning, and she can just be a guest at the wedding if she wants to keep poo-pooing your ideas. It may sound harsh - but it may kick her back into reality that it is your and your FI's day, not hers. Maybe I'm missing something here - but why are you ladies attacking her? AM I missing something?
Posted by rsxgirl0309[/QUOTE]

people like free sh*t. that's why they take the cheapie mini shampoos and lotions from hotels.

alba x monge

I'm doing a flip flop basket.    not cute when shoes start flying and feet start looking nasty.     Just a thought. 

FutureMrsElmore

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_unruly-mother?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:c3e3def5-2a50-48d0-b0ce-2879fa7c3d3cPost:7e3aef22-65cc-4ffd-a029-7fb0ab915dde">Re: Unruly Mother</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow - I normally don't comment on threads a lot - But I think you guys are being kind of harsh to her. Just because you guys wouldn't wear flip flops offered at a wedding, doesn't mean her guests won't. I think it's a cute idea, and have seen it done at weddings before where every single flip flop was taken by the end of the night. She was just asking for advice on what to do with her mother - which I can relate on, because my mother and I got into a few mega fights about the wedding for awhile. I don't really have too much  advice - just maybe tell your mother that she isn't going to be involved in any wedding planning, and she can just be a guest at the wedding if she wants to keep poo-pooing your ideas. It may sound harsh - but it may kick her back into reality that it is your and your FI's day, not hers. Maybe I'm missing something here - but why are you ladies attacking her? AM I missing something?
Posted by rsxgirl0309[/QUOTE]

<div>i ditto this. i think flip flops are cute, i want to do them, but had to decide, it was either flip flops or fans for my beach wedding. i chose fans, because everyone will likely already by in fip flops. i think its an adorable idea, so do most people i know. and my mom and i FIGHT so bad! she is so unsupportive, its to the point that she isnt coming to my wedding, my at home reception, or even my shower. i sympathize. </div><div>
</div><div>PPs, not all ladies here have supportive families, not all have even decent relationships with their moms... just sayin. </div><div>
</div><div>and although i know there are 2 sides to every story, let me share my moms. "you are spending too much money! its all a big waste! why not go to the courthouse?!" the only reason behind it is she is on her 4th marriage, and it is failing. maybe there is a similar story here, maybe not. </div>

FutureMrsElmore

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_unruly-mother?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:c3e3def5-2a50-48d0-b0ce-2879fa7c3d3cPost:27f01b5f-b372-485e-b149-9b980178453a">Unruly Mother</a>:
[QUOTE]I love my Mother, very much, but we haven't always seen eye to eye.  I'm her only child, so naturally when we announced we were getting married, she was estatic.  At first it was nice to throw ideas around, because nothing at that point was "real."  My mom has completely taken control of my wedding planning, and doing things with out consulting me.  I really appreciate my Mom's help, and I want her involved in my wedding planning, but she has gotten completely out of control.  She shoots down almost idea that we have, leaving my fiance and I wondering who this wedding is about.  I've already tried to talk to her about what she's doing, how I want her involved, but she needs to take a step back.  She got mad at me and stormed off.  My aunts are worried that she's going to ruin out day with her temper, or "fits".  I also have tried to talk to my father, to see if he cold help me maybe communicate better, and gentelly remind her that it's not "her wedding day".  She was fine for like 3.5 seconds, then her antics began again, her shooting down ideas, telling me not to order flip flops for guests because she thinks it'll be "tacky" telling me my cake topper is "ugly" etc, I'm sure you guys get the point.  I guess I'm just wondering how to keep my relationship with my mother, have her involved, but still have the wedding that my fiance and I have always dreamed about. 
Posted by Cutypiemegs[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>now, to answer you... i dont know what kind of advice i can really give, except what i do...i just dont really bring it up, except to ask if things have changed and she is coming to anything. i dont talk about what we are having, decor or anything. FI and i just do things on our own, or run ideas by his mom. i dont have much of a relationship with my mom right now. but i have made the decision that these things that shes doing, they are HER decisions, HER choices. if she wants to act immature, and whatnot, SHE is the one that has to live with it. i simply pull myself out of the situation before she can bring me down. </div><div>
</div><div>i hope this helps some. and keep your head up, when the wedding is over, maybe things will go back to normal. good luck!

</div>

Cutypiemegs

Thank you girls for all your SUPPORTIVE advice, and not JUDGING my decore! I'm sure my guests will adore the "cheap shoes" by the end of the night, and if they aren't all gone, I'll have a sizeable donation to our local woman's shelter.  It's an extra for our reception. I was simply just asking for advice on how to keep my reltaionship with my mother in check while I plan my wedding, not what you thought about my ideas!  I got really scared when I read all the first comments, I was like "oh man people are mean."  I never posted on a blog before, but some of you gave really kind and supportive words. Thank you!  

joyfulhappy1

I am a mother of a bride and I think all your ideas are wonderful. I wish I could sit down with your overly critical mother and give her dose of reality. It is your day and she needs to butt out unless asked.  I know that sounds harsh, but she sounds like a mom who is clueless and only interested in herself.  I would not waste any more breath trying to reason with her, as all these other people have said, go about your plans and tell your mother she is invited to your wedding but she is no longer on the planning committee

FutureMrsElmore

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_unruly-mother?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:c3e3def5-2a50-48d0-b0ce-2879fa7c3d3cPost:82fd1c03-46b5-4c15-b010-3cccbf4db3db">Re: Unruly Mother</a>:
[QUOTE]I am a mother of a bride and I think all your ideas are wonderful. I wish I could sit down with your overly critical mother and give her dose of reality. It is your day and she needs to butt out unless asked.  I know that sounds harsh, but she sounds like a mom who is clueless and only interested in herself.  I would not waste any more breath trying to reason with her, as all these other people have said, go about your plans and tell your mother she is invited to your wedding but she is no longer on the planning committee
Posted by joyfulhappy1[/Q<div>
</div><div>TK needs a "like" button for this. good luck!</div><div><div>
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