PRENUP... crash & burn

angelicaSD

I need some knottie advice here. approximately 6 months ago, my FI and I talked about getting a prenup due to his parent's wishes. His parents own a successful company, and he stands to inherit a portion of the company in the future. Currently, he is studying for his MBA and working within the company, which I have supported to this point. I hold a master's degree in a field that is not very lucrative (though it can be, if I work hard). 

I read the prenuptial agreement recently with my lawyer, who shared that it was "begging to go to trial with two dirty,barracuda lawyers," meaning that some of the wording was "harsh" and unfavorable to me. For example, I will never see a penny of money that comes from the GROWTH of the company during the marriage. So, let's say the company is work 100k (which it is worth more) and he gets a 50% share right after our marriage (50k). I could stay at home working and taking care of kids while he grows the company to be worth 600k, so he makes 300k. I wouldn't get any of it even though I supported him. 

His dad is forcing him to have the prenup done this way, otherwise we cannot get married. I haven't sent out invitations (though they are late) because this needs to be resolved first. I am hurt and angry knowing that the prenup is unfair (all my business income and interest will be community). I don't know how to make a fair alternative, I am scared I will always resent him for this...

Muffin'sMom

You cannot get married if you don't sign???  No, that's not the case.  Your fiance decides whether he loves you enough to tell his father that the prenup that was drafted was unfair and disrespectful.  What you say that the prenup says is backwards.  It should protect what he SHOWED UP WITH, not what you help him to grow.  What will his dad do?  Cut him off?  His dad is being a bully, and if you and your fiance agree, then you are allowing him to do it.  You have to take ownership of your own future...don't sell it to someone else.

TheDuckis

I'm not generally against prenups. I am against your FI choosing his parents over you, which is exactly what he's doing here. Is he even aware of what this prenup says, or did his dad draft it for him?

Call off the wedding. I don't think this is even worth trying to work out.

quotequeen

His dad is forcing him to have the prenup done this way, otherwise we cannot get married.

Sorry what?  He is an adult, his dad can't prevent him from marrying you.  If for some reason this would get in the way of you two getting married I think you have an FI issue you need to work through first.

deepcovejackie

OK, first of all, I believe that legally his parents company are not a marital asset.  Therefore you would have 0 (zero) right to that should the relationship split up.  What you have in the form of retirement savings, property etc does become a marital asset.  Same with your hubby to be.  I'm not a lawyer, and I don't live in the US, but I've just been through a dissolution of marriage so I have a general sense of the law.

That aside, there are some red flags here, as I'm sure you're aware.  How is it that FI's parents won't "let" him get married without that prenup?  Also, I really think that you know things aren't right.   You're correct in saying you may resent FI, but I think for alot more that just that prenup.

spinner84

Don't sign it until it is fair to you. One option is that you get 25% of his share of the company's earnings during the period you're together.

My husband and I have a pre-nup (well a post-nup!). It says that any income accumulated (except inheritance) during our marriage is split 50/50, because my income will ALWAYS be affected by his, from having to live where he is, and having kids. You should really make sure the prenup reflects this. If you stay at home to raise the kids, this should not reflect 0 income for you, or make it impossible for you to retire if you go back to work/divorce.

6fsn

I was going to vote to get a fair prenup, but then got to the line "His dad is forcing him to have the prenup done this way, otherwise we cannot get married.'

I'd call off the wedding until your FI can stand up for himself and put YOU before his parents.

[Deleted User]

FI is a big boy, he needs to stand up to his father. If he's not willing to do that, then clearly the money is more important than you, and you need to reevaluate this entire marriage.

I'm not against pre-nups at all, but in this case I think you need to wait until it's fair to you. The growth aspect does pertain to you because you would be in the picture at that point. The business itself is the parents, so you wouldn't get it anyway.

Butter Cookie

This is business. Let's assume that you guys never get divorced. You need to treat this prenup as business. Have your lawyer look it over, make changes, and send it back.

amwilli5

There also need to be parts f the prenup that protect you and not only him.  Sorry, but what if the family business tanks and god forbid you guys divorce, is there anything protecting your hard earned money from him?  I've just seen so many stories like this where one of the couple is to receive or has money and the other signs then prenup because hey don't feel they are entitled to it, but then divorce comes and there was nothing protecting the second persons 401K, inheritance what have you.  You both need to be covered in the prenup not only him.  The way I'm reading what you wrote is that Fi gets everything and you get the shaft and are required to stay home and take care of the kids, theres no retirement fund here for you should the marriage dissolve

GBCK

If your FI didn't want to marry yu w/o the prenup, I'd find that understandable.

But a 'man' who is not 'allowed' by daddy to marry you w/o the prenup?  why the hell would you WANT to marry such a man-child?
He either 1) actually wants the prenup as it is and is using daddy as an excuse or
2) he has no spine.
(or, possibly both 1 and 2)
That's reason enough to call it off.

(the content of the prenup being beside the point--yes, it should obviously preotect both of you or it's not worth having but the 'oh, daddy says it has to be this way' issue is bigger, IMO)

lindseycl

These are some excellent points (other than "call off the wedding," come on, that's not productive advice). I would like to add that under no circumstances should you start your life together with any bad feelings. This needs to be resolved, even if you need to go to marital counseling. When you marry, you agree to "forsake all others," and this includes your parents. Personally, I would be offended if my in-laws wanted me to sign a pre-nup, and the fact that you are taking this in stride is commendable. It is downright hostile to expect you to sign something that is so disadvantageous to you. You want nothing but to feel happy on your wedding day, and you cannot do that while experience such contention.

By the way, for argument's sake, I would get a second opinion on the pre-nup from another lawyer. I know they cost money, but maybe you have a lawyer friend or relative?

TheDuckis

Um, "call off the wedding" is productive advice. If the invitations are already late, it means the wedding is only 6-8 weeks away. Counseling doesn't work that fast.

Additionally, the fact that this prenup was discussed 6 months ago but not presented to her until now suggests that they're deliberately trying to railroad her into signing. I would absolutely not get married under these circumstances.

AMWoods15

This was just what I needed. I am in a very similar situation, except reversed. I own a small percentage of my parent's business though I do not work within the company. They mentioned years ago that whenever I get married I will have to have a pre-nup but when I got engaged last July, it did not come up. I finally heard from my parents that they were having something drawn up in March and actually got the papers at the beginning of May. Our invitations are out. Our wedding is in June. Everyone is already coming. I have not gotten an ultimatum from my parents but the language in the prenup is blatantly one-sided. 

My fiance and I are both young and have nothing substantial that we are bringing into this marriage. I am a student. He just started his first job last year. We rent. We each own our own car but that is it. There is no need for a prenup except for my parents. It makes me sick thinking about it becuase the terms seem unfair to me. Everything we make during our whole marriage would be divided back to each person that made the income. I get dividends from the company so it's designed to protect that but I plan on staying at home once we have children so that screws me in the long run. 

After reading all of these comments I am going to go back to their lawyer and make him even out the agreement. It may just end up having to be a post-nup. My parents are paying for the wedding so they can take that away but there is no way they can stop us from going to city hall