heartbroken

johnniesgrl

This is long, but, please read and offer advice! Thank you.

 I'm not really sure what to do about my June 2011 wedding. After my fiance and I started talking about getting married, we were having some problems. He had been sick and became a bit of a hypochondriac and germaphobe because of it. He had also become a bit depressed. I would vent to my sister about some of the things that were frustrating me, and even to my mom. My sister is my only sibling.
My fiance and I booked our wedding before we were formally engaged. Both of our families new and were happy. I began getting impatient waiting for my ring because I wanted to tell everyone, but, he didn't want me to without the ring. About 5 days before our formal engagement it was my birthday and I was so upset that I hadn't gotten my ring that weekend and called my sister crying. She thought it was best that I break it off with him, and I agreed and didn't agree at the same time. I did not want to end it over a ring, but, saw her point about how he clearly has problems. I finally got my ring and EVERYTHING that was an issue and our relationship went away. Everything went back to being "normal", including him.
We got engaged 06/25/10. My sister refuses to be in the wedding, or have anything to do with it. My mom shows no enthusiasm and tells me its hard for her to be excited when her children aren't speaking. Today, I called my sister to tell her how heartbroken I am that no one in my family is excited because she isn't in the wedding and it turned into a screaming match, where I find out that my mom has been telling me one thing, and my sister something completely different.
My sister hung up on me, and I in turn called my mom and confronted her on her lies. She was def caught off guard and instantly started screaming, so I was screaming, and she put the blame on me. I told her if she couldn't be happy for me, or more enthusiastic and supportive not to come to the wedding. She told me thats what I have wanted from the beginning (she is jealous of my relationship w/mt FMIL) . She hung up on me. A minute later my dad called me, screaming for me to never call his wife with my BS again. Wouldn't let me get a word in, and hung up on me.
None of my planning has been enjoyable. What do I do. I love my fiance with all of my heart. He has been nothing but supportive through all of this. But, how do I choose between him and my family? What do I do? Should I call off the wedding? My family drama is making me have a lot of anger towards both my family and my fiance.

lmcit23

Wow this sounds like a mess you need to step back and take some time to cool off.  It sounds like your family is having issues about your marrying maybe they are not happy with your choice that's sometimes what happens when you tell family too much, its harder for them to forgive.  But you need to mend with your family.  A bride should not have to choose between her fiance and family you will be miserable and this should be a happy time.

katorigasuki

i'm having a hard time following this nonsense.  why is your sister refusing to be in te wedding?

also, no one is going to be as excited about your wedding as you and your fi.  if you've been talking crap about your fi to your sister, well then no wonder she's not thrilled about you two getting married.

otherwise, i'm not quite sure what's going on here.

MyWedding13

Wow, that is intense. I am sorry you have to deal with this during what should be a happy time in your life! I think you def need some time to cool off before anything. I wouldn't call off your wedding because of your family. They also need time to cool off. Why does your sister not want to be in the wedding? Is it because you didn't break up with him? Do you think she is jealous? My sister and I don't get along and it frustrates my parents, but parents need to learn that they need to butt out of their children's relationships. I would wait a few days and maybe have a sit down with your parents and then with your sister to talk to them about how you are feeling and try to stay calm and collected. Good luck, I am sorry this is so difficult.

sg1kitten

I"m sorry you have to deal with this when you should be celebrating this happy time. 

 

If it helps, I'm happy for you:)

So let me try to understand this.....your sister won't be in your wedding because you didn't do as SHE wanted and break it off with him? That sounds awfully childish, as well as the way your parents are acting....I think there's some miscommuncation going on, and that you need to sit down with your sister first, and talk it out, then with your parents and talk everything out. 

I hope everything is ok!

baconsmom

This is so bad you posted twice? I replied below. 

skippylouwho

One of the things my mother used to say, and I've found she's right: never tell your family and friends about problems or arguments/disagreements between you and your boyfriend/fiance/husband.  You may forgive and forget, they won't. If you hurt or mistreat their child, a parent doesn't forget.  

That may seem extreme when you first read it but after you think about it and think about situations you know about and the people involved it may be pretty accurate.

You told them, at least your sister, about problems you were having and how unhappy you were. You've now forgiven your FI for the issues but what your sister (and pssibly others) are remembering is that he hurt you etc.

johnniesgrl

thank you all for your opinions and advice. I think I am going to let things cool off for a bit and see what happens.

mysticl

I'm not in your sister's head but if I had to guess her feelings are somthing along these lines.  You called complaining and venting time after time over several issues with this guy, to the point that you are in tears and distraught over it all.  Then he gives you a ring and it all magically gets better.  But she's still hurting for you, she's still upset that this guy hurt her sister this way, she doesn't see the problems as being magically resolved.   She sees you running towards a cliff and doesn't know what to do.  

I have trouble believing your statement that all of your issues with your FI have been resolved and he has been nothing but supportive.  Because if that is the case why are you angry at him?