FMIL or Our Date

sdolce

Hi. I'll try and be short with this long story. FI and I have been dating since high school, 10 years this September. He proposed in 2011 and wedding planning have been hit and miss.

Originally we were planning for 2012 but due to other things happening we decided to push the date out. I've always dreamed of getting married on our 10 year anniversary. Then it seemed too far in the future.

However recently we set our date on our 10 year anniversary in September. Things were gradually making progress. A month ago we decided to clue our parents in on the news of our wedding planning. FMIL informed us that she booked a vacation with her husband to Italy and our date falls right in the middle of their vacation. We haven't asked but I get the impression she doesn't want to change her Italy plans. DF talked to her and she said she would be upset if she missed it but it wouldn't be the end of the world. Honestly I really want her there, but I can't come to terms with changing our date. I really can't decide what to do. It's really getting close and we need to make some plans. We have a couple different scenarios and I'm working on the pros and cons to them all but it's hard.

Am I making a big deal over the 'date'? The date holds more significance to me rather than my FI, but still. Another date doesn't seem special, but I'm not sure how I feel about having her miss it.

Wzz

i think you're making a big deal out of the date. ross didn't want to divorce rachel because he didn't want to be "3 divorce guy". not a good enough reason to stay married.

6fsn

Another date will be special because it will be your wedding anniversary. 

beardownbchs

I'd change the date. Sure it would be nice to be able to use your anniversary but like PPs said, any date will be special. She already booked her trip and may be unable to change the dates or it may be expensive to. 10 years from now, the date won't be important. The fact that the mother of the groom wasn't at her own son's wedding will.

Knottie_22382102

Change the date. It would be selfish to choose the date over FMIL. The time you've spent together isn't going to be invalidated by not being on your exact dating anniversary. You will have a new, special anniversary date.

sdolce

Thank you all. Looks like we'll move the date!

DG1

eh. I guess I want to know how bad it would be for her to move the trip. 

If it would cost her a lot of money (that you can't reimburse her for), then yes, move your date. If her trip was to see something specific that won't be happening any other time, then yes, move your date. If she is employed and has to plan her time off this far in advance, then yes, move your date (and let her know soon, so she can take off the day before your wedding if you'd like).

If she just has this vacation planned obscenely early and could very well do it some other time without adding significant expense, stress, or subtracting significantly from the experience, then explain that this date is important to you and that, while you won't get married without her, you'd really appreciate her accommodating your preferred date. (Then offer to cover any associated expenses.) 

Am I the only person who thinks it's weird that a vacation is planned and BOOKED more than 6 months in advance? Even an international vacation? (Again, is this tied to a specific event? I know exactly when I need to be in China in November, because there is a specific event I'm attending. But even those flights aren't booked yet.)

kmmssg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_fmil-or-our-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:ca036dce-0807-44e7-b708-f4f19e3e9502Post:ee5b0021-4d05-47f1-b4ef-8f3c2a62747a">Re: FMIL or Our Date</a>:
[QUOTE]eh. I guess I want to know how bad it would be for her to move the trip.  If it would cost her a lot of money (that you can't reimburse her for), then yes, move your date. If her trip was to see something specific that won't be happening any other time, then yes, move your date. If she is employed and has to plan her time off this far in advance, then yes, move your date (and let her know soon, so she can take off the day before your wedding if you'd like). If she just has this vacation planned obscenely early and could very well do it some other time without adding significant expense, stress, or subtracting significantly from the experience, then explain that this date is important to you and that, while you won't get married without her, you'd really appreciate her accommodating your preferred date. (Then offer to cover any associated expenses.)  Am I the only person who thinks it's weird that a vacation is planned and BOOKED more than 6 months in advance? Even an international vacation? (Again, is this tied to a specific event? I know exactly when I need to be in China in November, because there is a specific event I'm attending. But even those flights aren't booked yet.)
Posted by DG1[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Our <strong>big</strong> vacay's are always booked well in advance of the 6 month mark - usually closer to the 12 month mark.  Next weekend when we go to Chicago for a couple of days for Spring Break?  Yeah, decided on that about 3 weeks ago.</div><div>
</div><div>DS graduates HS this year but we have always planned around breaks ( or pulled him for a few days) and when we knew we could easily get vacation time from work.  When it gets close enough we book our flights.  I will say though, a fair shair of our big vacations have been at WDW.  If you want to stay at Shades of Green there (military hotel) during the more popular times of the season you book close to a year out.

</div>

*Barbie*

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_fmil-or-our-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:ca036dce-0807-44e7-b708-f4f19e3e9502Post:ee5b0021-4d05-47f1-b4ef-8f3c2a62747a">Re: FMIL or Our Date</a>:
[QUOTE]Am I the only person who thinks it's weird that a vacation is planned and BOOKED more than 6 months in advance? Even an international vacation? 
Posted by DG1[/QUOTE]

<div>possibly. </div><div>DK booked our Jan 2013 CA trip in July 2012. </div><div>I booked our 2nd week of Dec 2012 cruise in March 2012.</div><div>I booked our 1st week of Dec 2011 cruise in June/July 2011. (so 5-6 months)</div><div>I typically book week+ trips 5-6 months out, or even earlier if i find a good deal. </div><div>I haven't booked our June trip to PA, yet, but we've already cleared the dates with family (in Jan/Feb) and started to price the tickets. I'm already pushing to plan a trip for December. I like having things to look forward to. </div><div>
</div><div>I think it's weirder that she and her FI didn't check with their parents about plans surrounding that date before planning the wedding. </div><div>
</div>

tawillers

I don't think it's weird to have the vacation booked so far in advace, especially an international vacation.

I'm actually feeling like a slacker that we don't have our Sept vacation booked already.

thejucheidea

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_fmil-or-our-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:ca036dce-0807-44e7-b708-f4f19e3e9502Post:ea551a04-2ef1-4caf-a780-aed737fc7707">Re: FMIL or Our Date</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FMIL or Our Date : I think it's weirder that she and her FI didn't check with their parents about plans surrounding that date before planning the wedding. 
Posted by *Barbie*[/QUOTE]

This.

And when I went to Ghana in May 2007, I booked my tickets in November 2006. Of course, I had to get a visa and everything, so I needed to do it super early, but the next year, when I still had a valid visa, I still booked the tickets in January for my June trip.

baconsmom

Considering all the nice hotels in Santa Fe are booked for August, no, I don't find that weird at all. (And I'm kinda sad we'll be staying at the Quality Inn or wherever.) 

Also, OP, you could be me: Picked a wedding date, thought it was dandy, everyone could come. And now, 6 years into it, I'll be damned if I can remember what it is. I have to ask my husband every year. 

So, you know. It's just a day for a party, really. 

Wzz

it also depends on how you are able to plan for vacation time. not knowing the IL's work situation, some companies have the employees bid for vacation weeks. it's not hard to change a vacation date, but it can be denied if the days off are unavailable. so it makes sense to plan a trip in advance because you want to get the best prices for the days that you might not have flexibility with.

i think it makes better sense to change the date on the wedding that isn't planned yet rather than change the trip that is. it sounds like they didn't want to change the date just because they had already changed it a few times and didn;t want to be those people.

CandCWedding2013

When my brother got married he and his FI picked a date that worked for them. Then found out no one in her family could go and that my dad couldn't go. They refused to change their date because it was what they wanted. 4 years later my dad is still upset he wasn't at his son's wedding and my brother's in the middle of divorce proceedings....