Cold Feet

footprintsinred

Okay, so I need an outlet and maybe some advice. 

I have been with my fiance for 4 years. We have been nothing but committed to each other the entire time. We are best friends and can't live without each other. Last May he proposed and we were both very excited and both sure its what we wanted for the rest of our lives. 

Then about 1 month ago he tells me that he's not sure we should get married and that he thinks he's stupid for feeling that way. A few days later he tells me he's over it and everything is back to normal. Well last weekend he says to me again that part of him is still unsure.

I just don't know what to do. I wouldn't know what to do without him, but if this isn't right for him I don't want him to feel trapped. We have a while until we were supposed to be getting married (Oct 2012). I just feel like my heart is being chipped away, its very emotionally draining. He keeps telling me how much he loves me and that he doesn't want to hurt me. Also he says that he's not going anywhere...but still those feelings remain. 

I have stopped all planning for now. I just hope this ends up happy for all.

Ximena M

I'm sooo sorry.  I hope things work out for the best.

WTDuck?

How old are you? Why the long engagement?

footprintsinred

We're both 23, I graduated last year and he is graduating college this May, we are paying for our own wedding and want to be able to support ourselves vs. living with parents when we get married. 

Jordyana

Have you signed up for premarital counseling? It sounds like he wants to be with you, but the thought of marriage is kinda scary. It's understandable and it's good that he's open about this with you.

I have a feeling that some premarital counseling may help him to understand what marriage means and what to expect. Maybe he just feels a little unprepared for marriage.

Good luck.

jenneth6

With my fiance and I, after living together for a year in Thailand (and after dating for a year previously) we already knew that we would eventually get married.  However, even though I was ready to get engaged, he wasn't.  He had no career path picked out and had no idea what to do with himself.  I know he wasn't confident enough in himself at that point to make that kind of commitment.  After a year of having a job, he suddenly proposed and will be going to law school in the fall.  

Have you thought about the possibility that your fiance is unsure because he isn't settled in his own career yet?  Right now he is still a student, and he might just not be thinking in the confident, adult frame of mind.  Give him some time and I'm sure that once he's out of school he'll come around.

ReturnOfKuus

Postpone.

MinM

I'm with Kuus. Postpone until both of you are 100% sure this is what you want to do.

arbolita

Another vote for postponing, and for getting into premarital counseling ASAP.  If nothing else, it could help you both identify where these feelings are coming from and whether or not it's something that can be resolved.

Good luck.

footprintsinred

Yea, we are definitely holding off until he is 100%. I don't want him to feel forced into something he either doesn't want or isn't ready for. We are currently trying to get set up with counseling at our church so hopefully that helps out. Per my request, he is reading The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. He said so far it is really helping out, so I have my fingers crossed and I'm praying every chance I get. Thank you guys for your input. Believe it or not, it all helps. 

rachi1285

The Five Love Languages is a GREAT book! My fiancee and I also went to a video convention for the book Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs. I've read the book in the past and it really helped! Both of these books have helped me as a woman understand him as a man.

Another thought; make sure you don't cause him to feel like there's something wrong with him. There are probably issues you can work on yourself too, to help your relationship!

PrettyGirl815

I sent you a PM