Who's ready for this one?!?

aerotiff

She's my exbf's sister.... he & I dated for 5 years and parted ways over 6 years ago.  She and I remained close like sisters.  She was supposed to be my bridesmaid... one of 3... I hadn't planned on choosing a "MOH" because they are all special to me in their own way.  Our wedding is not traditional I suppose, in that its not following the standard set of "to dos" in the "rules"... but that's probably moot, and I digress....

Let me preface this with I hardly talk about wedding stuff (which, with one month to go, has worked to my disadvantage.... crunch time).
She had a small personal health issue at the end of May.  She txted me regularly and I remained supportive and talked her thru a lot.  Then she flat out stopped contacting me.  To this day I have still not heard from her.  I have sent a number of unanswered txts, but have taken the hint not to call, as she completely disregards my txts.

My fiance says f**k her if she's going to be like that evidently she's doesn't care enough about us to make an effort... treat her like a guest, send an invite, if she doesn't reply, you have 2 BMs and I have two GMs (we had 3 each but he uninvited on of his GMs because his wife pulled some epically nasty, uncalled for crap on me back in March.... what is it about weddings that brings out the worst in people?)  Anyway.  It's mostly a "can you believe this?!?" rant, but what do you think?  I'm partly not surprised she's done this... she's always been very selfish.  Ahhhhh, people.

TheDuckis

What does her ability to answer texts have to do with her ability to stand next to you during the wedding? Maybe she's busy, maybe she's sick again, maybe you talk about your wedding a lot more than you think you do.

If she's refusing to buy the dress that's one thing, but other than that she really doesn't have any duties until the day, so I fail to see where the problem is.

And for someone who seems to want to portray herself as laid back and kind, you have a lot of unnecessary drama in your life.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_whos-ready-this-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:cf0a7356-60c4-4158-be0c-e6d87a42bddaPost:00ef5c15-7696-4a42-8385-f6e050b6dfd5">Who's ready for this one?!?</a>:
[QUOTE]She's my exbf's sister.... he & I dated for 5 years and parted ways over 6 years ago.  She and I remained close like sisters.  She was supposed to be my bridesmaid... one of 3... I hadn't planned on choosing a "MOH" because they are all special to me in their own way.  Our wedding is not traditional I suppose, in that its not following the standard set of "to dos" in the "rules"... but that's probably moot, and I digress.... Let me preface this with I hardly talk about wedding stuff (which, with one month to go, has worked to my disadvantage.... crunch time). She had a small personal health issue at the end of May.  She txted me regularly and I remained supportive and talked her thru a lot.  Then she flat out stopped contacting me.  To this day I have still not heard from her.  I have sent a number of unanswered txts, but have taken the hint not to call, as she completely disregards my txts. My fiance says f**k her if she's going to be like that evidently she's doesn't care enough about us to make an effort... treat her like a guest, send an invite, if she doesn't reply, you have 2 BMs and I have two GMs (we had 3 each but he uninvited on of his GMs because his wife pulled some epically nasty, uncalled for crap on me back in March.... what is it about weddings that brings out the worst in people?)  Anyway.  It's mostly a "can you believe this?!?" rant, but what do you think? <strong> I'm partly not surprised she's done this... she's always been very selfish. </strong> Ahhhhh, people.
Posted by aerotiff[/QUOTE]

And she didn't completely change her personality just for your wedding? Shocking.

aerotiff

Actually if you ask anybody, not that you know anybody I know, I don't talk about the wedding enough.  I have one month left and just realized it.  I'm way too busy at work to think about wedding stuff, when I foolishly said I'd DIY everything... whoops.  She wasn't sick at all, I wasn't going to call out issue she had, that's not cool.  You're right, she doesn't have any duties, I didn't ask nything of anybody except get a dress and show up and party with us.  She's just flat out not spoken for 2 months straight, refusing any contact.  I should have know posting here would only result in trolls; did I miss my mark and land in snarky brides?  No... weird.
She had always been pretty selfish, but a few years back, after a little bit of college, she seemed to have matured a lot.  And now all this is just like... same old high school kid she used to be.  The bottom line is that if this is the person she wants to be, hell, she doesn't have to come.  No skin off my back, I don't want anybody there who is unhappy to be there.  You guys make me giggle man.  Sit around waiting to be bitchy.  Cute!  What goes around comes around, sheeeesh.

DG1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_whos-ready-this-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:cf0a7356-60c4-4158-be0c-e6d87a42bddaPost:04b80553-cb31-4bb9-9a17-ec33e966a63e">Re: Who's ready for this one?!?</a>:
[QUOTE]Actually if you ask anybody, not that you know anybody I know, I don't talk about the wedding enough.  I have one month left and just realized it.  I'm way too busy at work to think about wedding stuff, when I foolishly said I'd DIY everything... whoops.  She wasn't sick at all, I wasn't going to call out issue she had, that's not cool.  You're right, she doesn't have any duties, I didn't ask nything of anybody except get a dress and show up and party with us.  She's just flat out not spoken for 2 months straight, refusing any contact.  I should have know posting here would only result in trolls; did I miss my mark and land in snarky brides?  No... weird. She had always been pretty selfish, but a few years back, after a little bit of college, she seemed to have matured a lot.  And now all this is just like... same old high school kid she used to be.  The bottom line is that if this is the person she wants to be, hell, she doesn't have to come.  No skin off my back, I don't want anybody there who is unhappy to be there.  You guys make me giggle man.  Sit around waiting to be bitchy.  Cute!  What goes around comes around, sheeeesh.
Posted by aerotiff[/QUOTE]

You should join a support group with our husbands. It's seriously bad for them.

*Barbie*

maybe she died and that's why she's not responding.

LizziebeeUT

It is pretty odd that she would just cut off all contact with you.

Have you tried going to her house, or talking to people who know her as well? Sometimes it can be stupid stuff like a misunderstanding or something thinking someone else was talking behind their back etc etc and instead of doing the mature thing and talking about it, they cut off contact and act like they never knew the person.

Don't completely write her off just yet. Try some more to get in contact with her, track her down in person if you must and ask her if she's upset for some reason.

If you can't get a hold of her, than leave a voicemail and tell her straight up that if she can't talk to you at all, than she won't be a part of your WP

NOLABridesmaid

I say call the Ex and see what's up with his sister.

ReturnOfKuus

Am I the only one who thinks it sounds like the text messaging capability of her phone might be on the fritz?

aerotiff

There is a support group?  Sign me up.  I'm totally traumatized.

Thanks Lizzie, that's a good idea.  I can't go to her house because she lives 10 hours away.  She's dating a guy who in the past she has described a controlling, verbally abusive and selfish.  I told her only knowing her side of the story, it sounded like she needed to get out.  In the past 6 months, she says he has improved dramatically, and not knowing him (again, 10 hours away) all I can do is take her word for it.  I was trying to find a cute pic of us together to frame at the wedding the easy way... Facebook.  You know, click the link that says "pictures of you and ____" and there was nothing.  (this was over winter I think).  I asked her if I did anything wrong to her.  She said not at all, her boyfriend's friends were talking her profile and harassing her because she had a life prior to meeting the boyfriend.  That was kind of a warning sign...

I know she isn't dead   She posts every couple days on Facebook still.  Always things about how wonderful the boyfriend is.
And if her txting is on the fritz, I imagine she would have replied to any of the other messages I have left her.
Her and her brother can't stand each other, so he wouldn't have any idea what her problem was.  I doubt he realizes she even has a boyfriend.

The crappy thing is that I read these bridesmaid woes and I'm thinking "Thank god I won't have to deal with that" and then this.  Like I said, I'm only planning this wedding DIY to save money, other than that I'd be thrilled to hand the planning off to somebody else.  I just don't have time, I never talk about it.  My other two friends are the ones tracking me down asking quetions.  SO I guarantee I'm not talking too much about the wedding, because I barely talk about it at all.  I have no idea what I did that she took so friggin horribly wrong.  But I will call her.  As much as I am not looking forward to it; I just know she's blowing me off and I hate to have to defend myself over nothing.  When she's in a good mood, she's great, but if she's in a bad mood, she's the nastiest person you'd ever meet....

LizziebeeUT

IF her boyfriend is as bad as you seem to think, he could have a lot to do with it. Controlling men like ot get you away from your friends and family (trust me on this, I have experience)
Sometimes they throw a fit, or act very rude anytime you talk to your friends, he esentially give you an ultiamatun without you even knowing it, and eventually you stop talking to people to avoid the drama.

Or, he could pick up on little things about your guys' relationship and use it to his advantage. If there's some habit of yours that she doesn't like, he will use that, and manipulate her into thinking you and her are no longer friends.

When you talk to her, or leave a message, make sure not to get too defensive right away. Tell her how hurt you are that she isn't talkig to you, and ask if there is anything you have done to make her upset at you. If she tells you something happened, than apologize and see what the two of you can do to work it out.
If she says she's been too busy, let her know that you understand that, but it hurts your feelings that she doesn't keep you updated on her life.
If she just keeps ignoring you, its probably time to cut your losses.

aerotiff

Lizzie, thank you.  That all makes a LOT of sense.  In the beginngin she always complained about how controlling he was and how he was very disapproving of her independence and self sufficiency...  she is from NJ, he is from KY... cultural differences?  I could see it.

His friends stalking her facebook profile and remarking about photos of us having fun and nothing more?  Completely uncalled for.  She would complain she would catch him txting exes....  he does what he wants and expects her to submit.

That being said, he's destroying her independence if this is all because of him.  If it were appropriate I'd copy/paste the conversation I had with her and you all would see... she completely cut contact with me for no reason.  And honestly, if I called her off and she mumbled it off as whatever whatever...  man oh man, I think you're right about cutting my losses.  I don't want her showing up and starting crap at the wedding for all of our friends ad family to have to put up with.  Ithan and I have enough crap from his family... ha!!  That's why only 5% of my family is invited... drama elimination project.  We hardly talk to them anyway.

Thank you Lizzie.