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nriggi2

 

hmonkey

why do you feel you owe her an explanation?  because you don't.

mrsconn23

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_cousin-strongly-dislikes-because-didnt-chose-her-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:d75dffa9-1e8f-4356-8a09-7fafbafbb65aPost:7bf82af3-ec0c-4be5-a47e-01058c0ccfe6">Cousin strongly dislikes me because I didn't chose her as a BM</a>:
[QUOTE]My cousin and I have never really been close.  Her and I have slightly similar personalities but totally different ways of handling things.  I recently spoke to her, in August, about some things that have been bothering me.  (Note: She is one of those people that posts everything on Facebook...I mean everything, so you must understand this to read on). She posted some type of status of fb saying how friends are better than family. I saw this blunt punch and decided to talk to her about it. TALK. She kind of blew up in my face, while I maintained my composure.  You see this kind of errked me just because my family has done a lot for her, but she tends to never come around the family for anything and she is blatantly rude to my family and fiancé.  She did not even go to my bridal shower.  Usually, with my cousin, I don't care what she does or says but I felt like this was something she said in order to make a point...a wrong point. Anyways, after the whole argument she called my sister and me "two-faced" and "whisy-washy" and told us that our close friends talk behind our backs etc. etc.  She told me that she wasn't going to go to my wedding and that her absence at my bridal shower was on purpose. A week before Thanksgiving, she writes me a facebook message (man whatever happen to communication!) telling me how she is sorry she handled the fight and she said many things that were untrue.   She told me she has been holding a grudge over me that I chose my sister and my best friend as my bridesmaids instead of her. WOW this was a curve ball.  And I say this because we are not close, see each other (even barely if that)  only on holidays and she is often rude to me and those I love.  She told me that she wanted me to call her to set up a meeting where we can speak about all of this.  And so I did.  I told her that I would be interested to talk, in person or even through the phone to discuss the situation.  Now the question is....how do I discuss the situation?   My mind raced after hearing all this bonchinche (or drama in espanol).  The audacity! I couldn't believe her.  Why would I pick someone who would tell me they weren't coming to my wedding or bridal shower simply because they weren't picked as my BM?  My sister and my best friend put in the time and effort of best friends and I was honoring them as the building blocks of women in my life....and I had never even considered her. How do I explain all of this? Should I be stern about telling her, angry, understanding? I've got all of those in my head but which one do I chose? Thanks for your help.
Posted by nriggi2[/QUOTE]

I don't think you owe her anything.  If it were me, I'd un-friend her on FB and not go out of your way to explain anything to her.   If you see her at family events, say hi or whatever and go on about your business.   I'm not sure why you're so shocked by her at all considering she's always been this way.  Stop entertaining her drama.

ReturnOfKuus

Friends ARE better than family, though, aren't they?  They're basically the family you choose rather than the one you get stuck with.

baconsmom

So... Your cousin posts something on FB you didn't like, and instead of rolling your eyes and ignoring it, you called her up to bitch about it?

I'd hate you, too. Grow up. Not everything in the world requires confrontation. 

Heids418

So... Your cousin posts something on FB you didn't like, and instead of rolling your eyes and ignoring it, you called her up to bitch about it?

I'd hate you, too. Grow up. Not everything in the world requires confrontation. 
________

wow.  nice person.

TheDuckis

Okay, maybe your cousin overshares on FB, or posts things that are inapropriate. But you take them seriously enough to call and scold her over it.

And obviously, friends are better than family to you too if you chose a friend over a family member for your bridal party. It's not wrong for either of you to feel that way. So grow the ef up and move on.