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Fiance hates weddings...help!

My Fiance has a stigma against weddings and does not particularly care for them nor does he think most people actually enjoy them.  He says he is willing to make compromises to plan things the way I would like in order to make me happy.  These our the problems so far...

He wants super small, like just his immediate family and maybe an aunt or two.  I feel like this is my day to shine and even though we are both fairly quiet people, I feel as though this is the time to have people around to celebrate the occasion.  I don't want big either but am thinking around 100 people.

He says having groomsmen is silly.  I need bridesmaids so therefore he will need groomsmen!  He has 3 brothers and then there is my brother.  He is not super close with any of them.  How do I make him okay with this?

In general his attitude toward some wedding traditions and etiquette is not very positive and he would be happier getting married in our backyard with 5 people. While I am all for putting our own spin on things,  I have always envisioned wearing my dress, walking down the isle, and having an actual wedding and reception.  How do I make him feel more comfortable and not hate his own wedding?  Has anyone else had a similar situation?

Re: Fiance hates weddings...help!

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    edited December 2011
    You need to sit down and work out the vision with him. Nothing says you cannot wear the big dress, walk down and aisle, and have a really well decorated reception with < 10 people. It's hard when your visions are pretty far apart, but that's why there is the art of compromise. What about a destination weddig? You can invite 100, but far fewer will likely show up, and you kind of get both. But really, you have no need to worry about shining. You will shine whether you have 0, 5, or 500 guests.
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_fiance-hates-weddingshelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:d99b7f4c-2a51-4c23-94a7-a40186355748Post:8f0bb841-0ec6-49d1-a672-b60ebd9ce9f2">Fiance hates weddings...help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]My Fiance has a stigma against weddings and does not particularly care for them nor does he think most people actually enjoy them.  He says he is willing to make compromises to plan things the way I would like in order to make me happy.  These our the problems so far... He wants super small, like just his immediate family and maybe an aunt or two.  I feel like this is my day to shine and even though we are both fairly quiet people, I feel as though this is the time to have people around to celebrate the occasion.  I don't want big either but am thinking around 100 people. He says having groomsmen is silly.  I need bridesmaids so therefore he will need groomsmen!  He has 3 brothers and then there is my brother.  He is not super close with any of them. <strong> How do I make him okay with this?</strong> In general his attitude toward some wedding traditions and etiquette is not very positive and he would be happier getting married in our backyard with 5 people. While I am all for putting our own spin on things,  I have always envisioned wearing my dress, walking down the isle, and having an actual wedding and reception.  How do I make him feel more comfortable and not hate his own wedding?  Has anyone else had a similar situation?
    Posted by TKR7[/QUOTE]

    <div>Whoa, now. Reread the bold part and think about how that sounds. If you're going to marry this man, you need to learn the art of the compromise. PP has good suggestions for that.</div>
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    ElleB87ElleB87 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If you're willing to put your FI in an a situation he's not comfortable with, like a big wedding, just so you can have your "time to shine" maybe you're a tad too selfish to be in a serious relationship.  Marriage is for adults who know how to compromise and consider the feelings of others, especially their spouses'.
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    lindseyann410lindseyann410 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If he doesn't want groomsmen, he doesn't have to have them.  That's not a big deal.

    Compromise, compromise, compromise.  You can't make him want what you want.  It doesn't work that way.  You don't want either one of you to resent the other for how the wedding turns out.

    Good luck to you.

    P.S. "my time to shine" and other such sayings tend to rub people the wrong way
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    edited December 2011
    For starters, it's okay for him not to have groomsmen and for you to have bridesmaids. And a bride does not NEED bridesmaids. I agree they're nice to have, but not required. So don't force him to have groomsmen. You can still have your bridesmaids and you can include your brother as a bridesman if you want. One of your bridesmaids can sign the marriage license. The sides do not have to be even. So don't push him on this. 

    I think a lot of people do enjoy weddings, but some of the traditions are silly to me, so I see his point. But here we get to the major point: compromise. You pick which traditions are really important to you and keep them, and back off on the others to suite his style. You want a big wedding with 100 people and all the bells and whistles. He doesn't. So figure out what parts of it are more important to you. First off, do you actually have 100 people to invite that actually really matter to you and/or would get super hurt if they weren't invited. I don't really want a big wedding, but my family alone pushes 90 people. There's some I definitely want there and I will be inviting some people to make my parents/family happy, but I'm easily hitting 120 people. You sound a bit like you just want to be the center of attention for a lot of people. If that's the case, (be honest here) then downsize. If you actually have big families on either side, then it gets more complicated. He wants 5 people, you want 100. Meet in the middle. Try round about 50 people. That's still a pretty intimate wedding. I wish my wedding was that small. :-)

    If you're worried about not feeling important because of a smaller crowd, remember that you're the bride on her wedding day. You will feel important, not because of the people watching, but because of the man at the end of the aisle. That's what matters.

    Remember it is not YOUR day to shine as you put it, but YOURS AND HIS. I can't stress this enough. It's as much his wedding as yours. He says he's willing to compromise, which is great, but you don't sound like you do. Know when to let go of the vision. He needs to be happy with this wedding too. If you can't compromise on this, I have a feeling being married won't be any easier.

    Good luck.
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    rascal17rascal17 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    LIke everyone else said you need to compromise. Sit down and talk to him and explain to him why having a bigger wedding is important to you and listen to him why he wants such a small wedding. And the same goes with anything else you disagree on. Hubby to be and I had the same disagreement. I was easily pushing 100 guests on my side and he was only wanting 20 people at the most. I had to explain to him that familly is really important to me and that I could not not have all my aunts/uncles cousins and friends there. He saw my point and we decided that I will cut my list down to family and only my really close friends so now we are at around 90 people altogether.

    Start asking his opinions on things. Not matter how much they say they dont care they on some level do. HTB told me he doesnt care and that this was my wedding. So I started planning things my way and he started to state his opinions on things so I started asking what he thinks and now he is excited about it and cant wait. 
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