Wedding Woes

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  • edited December 2011
    its not wrong to want those things, they can be fun, you are selfish to expect them and pout if you dont get them. Sorry, but bridesmaids are not obligated to throw you parties or revolve their life around your wedding, they are your bridesmaids because they are your friends and support your marriage, they shouldnt be expected to pay for anything other than a dress. These are your friends, because you like and care for eachother not because of what you give eachother.

    And your gift to them is very generous, unless its for them to wear to your wedding, then the necklaces are really for you, if you want to give a present, make it a personal one because you care about them as freinds, not as bridesmaids.

  • Butter CookieButter Cookie member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_lackidaisical-bridesmaidsmomsectadvice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:dbd97ac4-bf8a-420c-b37a-adeb8f928f7bPost:07e5e2b5-8290-4f97-b35c-354450c74c82">Re: Lackidaisical Bridesmaids...Advice please?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]its not wrong to want those things, they can be fun, you are selfish to expect them and pout if you dont get them. Sorry, but bridesmaids are not obligated to throw you parties or revolve their life around your wedding, they are your bridesmaids because they are your friends and support your marriage, they shouldnt be expected to pay for anything other than a dress. These are your friends, because you like and care for eachother not because of what you give eachother. And your gift to them is very generous, unless its for them to wear to your wedding, then the necklaces are really for you, if you want to give a present, make it a personal one because you care about them as freinds, not as bridesmaids.
    Posted by katieanne85[/QUOTE]

    ^^this
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  • edited December 2011
    I would be more upset about the bachelorette party than the shower.. many BMs think the aunts are throwing the shower- so they may not have realized you wanted them to step up.  If it hasn't happened yet- I wouldn't expect one.  There wouldn't be enough notice to the guests.

    I am sorry they aren't more excited for you- that in itself kind of sucks.  Maybe they were waiting for the MOH to take the lead and didn't know what to do when she didn't.

    There is nothing wrong with planning your own B.party.  Just plan a night out with your friends (BMs and other friends). Don't plan one of those parties that costs a ton of money upfront (for penis decorations, limos, etc)- where each girl has to pay $50 before they have their first beer/shot.  Also - be sure to mention no gifts (important if you are planning it yourself).

    I am planning my own (pre-bar portion is hosted by my friend) because if I left all the decisions up to her - she would make it super expensive and expect everyone to chip in $75-125 each!!!  I want it low-key and just a good night out and my MOH (sister) is too busy to plan my party.  I am doing the cooking (cocktail-type food) and buying the the pre-drinking liquor- then off to the bars where everyone can spend as much/little as they want on their own drinks.

    I am sure some of the other knotties have opinions about throwing your own B.party- but as long as you don't expect your friends to spend $ upfront or buy gifts- it is more like a fun night out on the town with you as the focus of the celebration.  It is your fiends' choice whether or not they want to come.  (I hope they do!!)
  • Butter CookieButter Cookie member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Well that's a shame, since you used the term, "lackadaisical" in your post title. I believe that's a first here on TK.
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  • akewuchickakewuchick member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I deleted due to the obvious misinterpretation of the message I had intended to express.  The response from PharmacyBride was correct when she said that "I am sorry they aren't more excited for you- that in itself kind of sucks."  She said it better than I did, and I see now how to look at it, as well as handle it.  My frustration (not pouting as you and the other bride who commented put it...) is that I feel that they are not excited, I know I cannot expect them to be excited, but I can't help but feel a ping of sadness that they seem uninterested in the wedding.  I have taken the advice of PharmacyBride, and am organizing a "girls night out" for the girls and I, and am not going to persue a Shower (as I feel this would be distasteful). The necklace, is to say "thank you" in a lasting way, other than a cheap gift that might be discarded.  I hope that each time the girls wear the necklace, they remember my gratitude for the friendship we have shared over the years, and the support they have given me in difficult times. 
  • edited December 2011
    Im sorry you felt that deleting the post was nessesary before explaining the misunderstanding. If I recall, you asked if you were being selfish for expecting a shower and bachellorette partie, and telling us about the inexpensive dresses you picked for them and the necklace you got them, which would imply that you felt entitled to something from them, otherwise the necklace and dress really should be a separate issue from their lack of excitement, so I am sorry to misunderstand, but it might help you to know why we assumed what we did. BUt if you were looking for the correct answer from someone who agrees with you, what was the point of posting in the first place? if there was one correct response you knew you needed, you didnt need someone to tell it to you.
    For what its worth, it does suck that they arent happier for you.
    Congratulations on getting married!
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