I know what *we* want, but are we being inconsiderate?

mrsmtothek

My mom is giving me a really hard time because I'm refusing to invite her best friend's son, whom I've known for 12 years. She thinks that it will ruin her relationship with her and never be the same afterwards. Despite not being the best friend in the world (always calling me to vent about HIS problems, never asking about my life), her son doesn't support my relationship at all. He's made negative comments towards my relationship, asked my sister if I *really* loved my fiance, that no one would ever love me more than he does, AND said to her that he didn't care what I was doing with my fiance, someday he was going to marry me. All on separate occassions. I'm not comfortable with him being there, and obviously my fiance has a serious problem with this guy because he's been completely inappropriate. But my mother is making me feel horrible because she's so attached to his mother. I plan on talking to both his mother and him seperately about why he isn't invited -- my mom is just laying on the guilt and thinks I'm being overly dramatic. UGH Am I?

MiLadyK

If this person makes you and your fiance uncomfortable and is hostile to your relationship, I don't care if they're the Pope, they don't get invited to your wedding. 

If your mom's friend is going to let the entire friendship hinge on whether you invite her son to your wedding, I don't think it is you who is being overly dramatic. 

missfrodo

I see no reason why her friend can't come without her son, after all it sounds like her son is an adult (though apparently not very mature).  I feel that the fact that both you and your FI are feeling threatened is all the justification you need to keep this guy off the guest list.  Your mom may be making things out to be more dramatic than they should be.  I would be very blunt with her about why you don't need him at your wedding, and then get a stiff drink, cause you're gonna need it.  Good luck!

kmmssg

I think your mom should put her big girl panties on and have your back here.  Make sure she knows what her friend's son has said and that it makes you uncomfortable.  Tell her you will not be inviting such an uncomfortable situation into your wedding.  If there is tension maybe she should be sharing what her son .said so that the lack of invitation is understood

rickinicki

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_i-know-what-we-want-but-are-we-being-inconsiderate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:ddcae8a6-6ce0-4f8c-a036-90106fab7d90Post:26616c4c-21cb-4e0a-8848-c9c749c85c91">Re: I know what *we* want, but are we being inconsiderate?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think your mom should put her big girl panties on and have your back here.  Make sure she knows what her friend's son has said and that it makes you uncomfortable.  Tell her you will not be inviting such an uncomfortable situation into your wedding.  If there is tension maybe she should be sharing what her son .said so that the lack of invitation is understood
Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]

This. If he's really as big of a jerk as he seems then your mom really needs to be on your side on this one.

mrsmtothek

Thank you guys. I've actually told her word for word what he's said, she'll say things like "oooh he was just a little drunk when he said that" or "you know he didn't mean that". She thinks regardless I'm being dramatic