Before I get into the meat of the situation, I should ask have any of you Knotties experienced friendship changes after the engagement/after the wedding? I know I've read elsewhere, such as on the Wedding Party boards, horror stories of picking a bridal party only to have friendship troubles during the engagement, but I figured I'd come over here and ask since I have a little wedding woe to throw in.
I'm kind of saddened because friendships with two of my oldest and dearest friends have deteriorated since the engagement. One friend I've had for almost 15 years. She was really happy about the engagement, but now she has taken to screaming at me over the littlest things. We've set a date and time and picked a venue, and she flipped out at me because it is going to be a formal wedding and, as she told me, "I don't want to wear a dress! Why does this have to be formal? You know I hate dressing up! How could you do this to me?!". I calmly told her that if she wanted to wear a pant suit because it made her comfortable I was alright with it. It still wasn't enough for her. I'll admit, I've always known she isn't comfortable with "girly" clothes, but this is a wedding and all I expected was that she came dressed appropriately whether that meant she wore a suit or whatever. I've learned from The Knot to not make guests uncomfortable and to try to accommodate where you can. I've been trying to accommodate all the little things she's had issues with, but I'm honestly at a place where I feel like I'm just going to need to put my foot down.
The other friend I've been close with for almost 10 years. He's been my best friend and we've gone through all kinds of things together from him coming out, to my grandfather, who was my father figure, passing, to the death of a close mutual friend, and everything in between. When I got engaged he seemed wary (but I chalked it up to the fact that he was having some relationship troubles at the time, which I helped to mediate at his request), but he was also happy and told me he couldn't wait to go dress shopping with me. Once again, taking advice from Knottie posts on the MB, I made sure not to bring up the wedding all the time. I understand that not everything revolves around me and not everyone wants to hear about it all the time, hence I bring it up only when asked or if it is really important. So, after not talking about the wedding for two months, I called him up when I decided to go for a preliminary dress shopping trip and he took days to get back to me, and even then he made no effort to really answer my invite to him coming. The past three months since the engagement he's become more and more distant. Not just about the wedding, but about our whole friendship in general. It just seems so strange that the person I've been closest to for the past 10 years has just dropped out of my life altogether and has, for the most part, quit taking my phone calls or answering my e-mails. We haven't had any fights in years, and the last time we truly talked he seemed upbeat. I'd try and talk to him about it, but I feel like he is making it clear that he doesn't want to talk to me for whatever reason. Other mutual friends have noticed that he's been acting this way with them, as well, and no one knows why.
Anyway, this all has saddened me because this is such a big and important time in my life and I wanted to share it with the people closest to me. I just keep telling myself that this is one of those times that will show me who my true friends are. I've had some friends who have really stepped up (no, I don't mean by doing wedding stuff, but just by being there as a friend) and that has made me feel extremely lucky.
Is this common? Have any of you other lovely Knotties experienced this? What did you do to come to terms with it/make it better?
Thanks for giving me a place to vent a little.
