Wedding Woes
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FI is making me crazy.

Right from the get go, he's been very "do what you want, I'm not picky."  Well, today I told him that we needed to go sign the contract for the reception site/catering.  He says, "Oh, in x city?"  Um.  No.  Reception is here in thistown, ceremony is in x city.  How did you miss this!

Then he proceeds to say, "So we're making people drive from x city to thistown?  That's a pain!  Why are we even getting a hotel room?"

I'm in tears.  Totally wrecked right now.  We have deposits down for both the ceremony site and the reception hall.  Oh, and the photographer, who cancelled another wedding to do ours. 

This isn't the first instance of him ignoring the wedding plans, but it's the worst.  (Others were picking a date to drive and get our e-pics done, and making save the dates as he's a graphic artist.  He didn't do either.)  After I broke down, he said, "No, that's fine, it'll be fine!"  Then I said I didn't want to do it at all.  Same response.  I am so sad and angry. 

I really don't know what to do.  The whole thing is so stressful that I just want to give up.

Re: FI is making me crazy.

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    baconsmombaconsmom member
    5 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    He told you to do what you wanted.
    You did.
    After you did, he brings up objections? Did you simply not speak to him at all, or is he being a jerk? 

    Also, honey, toughen up a little. I don't understand crying over this. Lose a limb? Sure, go ahead and cry. Have a dumb fiance? Tell him to get over himself and get on with life. 

    Being you must be exhausting. 
    image
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    baconsmombaconsmom member
    5 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_fi-making-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:df95c591-a615-4368-b569-81d1dc1ba8d1Post:1b01ff52-aef0-4ac6-89c3-ac3e990d5c33">FI is making me crazy.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Right from the get go, he's been very "do what you want, I'm not picky."  Well, today I told him that we needed to go sign the contract for the reception site/catering.  He says, "Oh, in x city?"  Um.  No.  Reception is here in thistown, ceremony is in x city.  How did you miss this! Then he proceeds to say, "So we're making people drive from x city to thistown?  That's a pain!  Why are we even getting a hotel room?" I'm in tears.  Totally wrecked right now.  We have deposits down for both the ceremony site and the reception hall.  Oh, and the photographer, who cancelled another wedding to do ours.  This isn't the first instance of him ignoring the wedding plans, but it's the worst.  (Others were picking a date to drive and get our e-pics done, and making save the dates as he's a graphic artist.  He didn't do either.)  After I broke down, he said, "No, that's fine, it'll be fine!"  Then I said I didn't want to do it at all.  Same response.  I am so sad and angry.  I really don't know what to do.  The whole thing is so stressful that I just want to give up.
    Posted by checkitnice[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>JIC. Because I've been starting so much sht lately. 

    </div>
    image
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    crash2729crash2729 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Is it possible that he just got the 2 confused or didn't realize the distance between the two before.

    This sounds like something my FI would say but he can't remember anything to save his life.
    image
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    checkitnicecheckitnice member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    He knows how far it is, he says he thought there was a Comfort Inn in x city and we were doing it there.  I gave him the menu and brochure (which both state Comfort Inn, thistown) and he said he looked at them.  He obviously didn't.  I talked about the small gap in between DUE TO THE DISTANCE.  Blah.



    I know I'm overreacting, but I'm also PMSing.  And I don't really want to plan a wedding 100% by myself.
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    GBCKGBCK member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_fi-making-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:df95c591-a615-4368-b569-81d1dc1ba8d1Post:3ff97122-7368-4a48-80d8-4e5f7cd46433">Re: FI is making me crazy.</a>:
    [QUOTE]*snip*  And I don't really want to plan a wedding 100% by myself.
    Posted by checkitnice[/QUOTE]

    <div>This is the crux of the issue..</div><div>you're with a dude who is very 'fvckeffort' about this entire thing.</div><div>So...honestly, your choices are plan a wedding by yourself with Mr. MondayMoringQuarterback throwing wrenches at you or elope.  (or, you know, option C = tell him 'fvckeffort' doesn't cut it, and leads to either you dumping his azz because you realise he's going to be fvckeffort for the rest of his life  or him helping (under duress))</div>
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    DG1DG1 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I would also consider whether he is going to be this oblivious about everything. Will all child-rearing duties be 100% your responsibility? Will he neglect to call the dishwasher repair people for months on end? Will vacation planning be entirely left up to you?

    Some people are just not into weddings. But if this is a pattern, know that nothing is going to change after you are married. If you don't want to plan a wedding 100% by yourself, I promise you don't want to run an entire household 100% by yourself.

    Also? No way. He can't blow it off and then change his mind later. If he OK'd the reception venue before you signed the contract, then it's his tough sht for not reading the damn thing or even making sure he knew where it was.  And now, if you move it, you're out your deposit. Either way, tuition in the school of life.

    image
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_fi-making-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:df95c591-a615-4368-b569-81d1dc1ba8d1Post:6f722f1a-8349-4121-aaf4-e1f8dfde522e">Re: FI is making me crazy.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FI is making me crazy. : This is the crux of the issue.. you're with a dude who is very 'fvckeffort' about this entire thing. So...honestly, your choices are plan a wedding by yourself with Mr. MondayMoringQuarterback throwing wrenches at you or elope.  (or, you know,<strong> option C = tell him 'fvckeffort' doesn't cut it, and leads to either you dumping his azz because you realise he's going to be fvckeffort for the rest of his life</strong>  or him helping (under duress))
    Posted by GBCK[/QUOTE]

    I think his total lack of interest in helping up front, but then second-guessing everything you do after the fact, is a much bigger problem than just a wedding problem - you need to tell him this is NOT okay and this is NOT how he's going to be allowed to behave for the rest of your marriage.  He can either put the effort in up front, or say nothing other than "yes, dear, sounds great" about whatever decisions he leaves you to make on your own.  Getting away with doing nothing to help AND getting to criticize you for it after the fact?  Not okay.
    imagemy to-read shelf:
    Steph's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (to-read shelf)
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    DG1DG1 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_fi-making-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:df95c591-a615-4368-b569-81d1dc1ba8d1Post:328c717f-6b5e-4996-a83b-0800d8a43876">Re: FI is making me crazy.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FI is making me crazy. : I think his total lack of interest in helping up front, but then second-guessing everything you do after the fact, is a much bigger problem than just a wedding problem - you need to tell him this is NOT okay and this is NOT how he's going to be allowed to behave for the rest of your marriage.  He can either put the effort in up front, or say nothing other than "yes, dear, sounds great" about whatever decisions he leaves you to make on your own.  Getting away with doing nothing to help AND getting to criticize you for it after the fact?  Not okay.
    Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]


    Word.  See also "Do I need a ho sit down card?" post below.

    image
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    checkitnicecheckitnice member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We have a DD.  He is amazing with her.  He just HATES planning anything.

    I asked him if he had any constructive ideas for the wedding.  He said he wanted the reception to be in x city.  So, call around and see what we can get.  Oh, nevermind.  Blah.
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    checkitnicecheckitnice member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    The "ho sit down card" thread is not similar to our situation, thank god.  He loves doing stuff with DD, in fact I came home last night to a table full of thanksgiving cards they made (she's almost 4) and construction paper Christmas chains everywhere.  If they go anywhere when I'm gone, it's to playdate/man-dates with his friends with kids.  Not his mom's.
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    GBCKGBCK member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    so, it's different because your DH is only SELECTIVELY 'fvckeffort'?
    Because, that's not really different.
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    checkitnicecheckitnice member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
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