Before FI and I were together, I was speaking/ flirting with a guy via Facebook, that I didn't know was in a relationship. We worked together, and I knew he had a habit of being a cheater, so I thought maybe he wasn't being honest about things, but his relationship status wasn't visable and I took his word for it. We never had sex, there was just flirting for about 2 weeks, and one episode of drunken making out/groping that never went anywhere, because I wasn't sure that he was being honest...just had a vibe. Looking back, I think I "knew", but just didn't want to admit it.
About a week after the drunken night of groping, he was tagged on facebook in someone's engagement pics-surprise, surprise! They were going to be getting married literally 3 months afterwards. I texted him and told him that I knew, and to never talk to me in that way ever again, that I wouldn't have a part in cheating, etc. We worked together so I knew we'd see each other, but I made it clear that the flirting would stop- and it did. He told me it was for the best, that he didn't want to screw up marrying this girl, because he did actually love her, etc, and that was that. He married the girl, we remained civil, even friendly, but there was never any sexual talk or flirting ever again. I truly believed that he had just screwed up, and was sorry, and so I never contacted the girl to let her know.
Fast forward 3+ years later, his wife decides to go through all of his facebook messages and finds these emails from before they were married, and emails me, telling me that she is now pregnant and doesn't know if she's going to stay with this guy, and she acknowledges that its not ALL my fault, but I'm a whore and she'll "pray for me" because there has to be something wrong with my soul for me to be a party to cheating.
Now I know she doesn't have any reason to believe just ME saying that we didn't sleep together, but its very obvious from the messages that we didn't have sex, because he was talking about not getting to yet, how I left him frustrated, etc. and I was just halfheartedly just saying oh, sorry, etc, because, like I said, I was suspicious....
So my thing is, I'm completely appalled that she would consider leaving the father of her child over something that happened before they were married, that never resulted in sex.
Maybe I'm just the most understanding woman in the world (don't think so) but if I found that out, I would acknowledge that getting married and saying "I will never have sex with anyone ever again" is a huge thing for guys, and they get tempted to have one last fling. I would be pissed for sure...but leave him? Don't you vow for better or worse? If she'd found out before the wedding, I could understand calling it off, but knowing that he walked down the aisle, said "I do" and they've had almost 4 years of a happy marriage, and she had to go THAT far back to find something on him?
So...anyways...have any of you all ever found yourself in that situation, where you were a party to the cheating, or blamed the other woman? I'm just trying to wrap my head around this, honestly, because I feel like she should be focusing on HIM, and why she feels the need to go through years of emails...
Oh, and here's the kicker. I feel guilty! I feel literally sick with guilt over this, because I knew his history, and I should have known that he was cheating, I had the vibe, but still participated up to a certain extent.