mom nixed location

danicakes27

my fiance and i are having a private, parents and siblings only, destination wedding in las vegas. we asked that we have a small reception of about 60 at my parents house when we came back from the wedding, which my parents seemed to be suppostive of until now. all of a sudden, my mom refuses to have it at her house...she's also telling me she thinks i'm settling for less because we are trying to keep everyone on a small budget (we don't want to create debt for either of our parents or ourselves!) by not having a more formal reception...i tried telling her vegas meant more to us but now she's angry with me! AND to top it off my fiance is angry with HER for being unreasonable (he thinks it's ridiculous since our goal is to save my parents THOUSANDS) and he now refuses to take any of their money...i'm caught in the middle and pissed off! suggestions???

DG1

If your parents' don't have enough common sense not to spend thousands of dollars they don't have, then you're going to have bigger problems in the long term (like figuring out how you're going to pay their utility bills and mortgage and medical bills while trying to pay your own).

I'm also not sure why your fiance is angry at her. This doesn't seem like anything for anyone to be *angry* about. Disappointed, maybe. Confused, sure.  But angry?  No.  Big red flag there.

More directly, I don't understand what your mom is objecting to. The vegas wedding? Or the at-home reception? 

In the end, if she doesnt' want you to have it at her house, you can't have it there. That doesn't mean your only alternative is a crazy expensive formal, traditional wedding reception.  You could probably find a restaurant with a private room that could accommodate 60. Then you'd only be out the $$ for the food (not insignificant, but way less than food + DJ/band + venue + table and linen rental + florist/decorations and on and on and on).

There are other options as well that don't require going into debt. 

I'm sure you can figure this out.

baconsmom

So - your mom is paying for at least part of this shindig, and she doesn't get any input as to how formal it is or where it's held? Wrong answer.

She who pays, gets a say. Perhaps your mother envisions a more traditional event than you've been trying to plan. You can take her money and let her have a say, or you can thank her for her gracious offer and do it your way. This isn't something to be angry OR disappointed about, IMO - it's just a matter of priorities. 

TheDuckis

Weddings aren't about the people getting married. They're about the people paying for the party. If your parents are paying, they get to do it their way. If you or your fiance are unhappy with that, thank them for the offer, decline, and do as you wish.

danicakes27

thank you all for the advice...we all sat down the other day and hashed things out. his anger lasted a hot minute and my disappointment turned around, i think i just jumped the gun. i guess it's naive to go into planning a wedding thinking everything will go smoothly and no one will get irritated along the way  

we've decided on a jack n' jill style reception, as recommended by my sister...part jack n' jill (tickets, raffles, games) part reception (first dance, cutting the cake)...this way it will be less formal like we had hoped and everyone should have a great time! both my parents and fiance are excited about this idea, and i think it's great too! we aren't going to register for gifts, as the price of the tickets will be the gift...we just want everyone to have a BLAST! thanks again ladies!