I'm usually relatively positive about my fiance's and my situation because if I'm not, it drags me down very quickly. I'm not sure what triggered this. I'm right on the edge now.
The main thing thats dragging me down is the fact we're apart. I visited him over Valentines, and probably won't be able to see him again until August (the wedding date on my page isn't actual, it was a best guess so TK would let me register). I'm English (and living in England) he's American (and living in America). We're doing visa stuff - the forms and the complexity of it all is almost soul destroying, and because of his security clearance for his job (he's gov. employee) we can't do it the normal way couples would (some of his details have to go to one person and one person only). And yes its worth it... of course it is. But its so difficult being apart and dealing with this.
Of course, because of my current state of mind, I'm really down about dress shopping on Thursday. I need an informal/sheath gown for our American celebration. I'm plus-sized and my current mood is causing me to be down about this and down about the dress I already have (bought when the American and English celebrations would both be formal) because I love it but I don't love it on me - although I was never going to fall in love with a dress on me. It was an 'I don't look too bad and I have a waist in this dress'.
I'm down about knowing most of my family won't be able to attend the American celebration, for various reasons. I'll have my mum and maybe MOH... its killing me that my father won't be there... the whole giving away and father/daughter dance thing.
Everything feels really out of control right now and my fiance is the one who can usually ground me... I'm so relaxed when I'm home with him. Here I can stress and worry so much I make myself sick.
Thank you for reading... it's longer than I thought it would be... and I do feel better for getting this off my chest.