Wedding Woes

Is wedding planning making anyone else feel like a friendless loser?

Recently engaged here (yay!) So excited to be getting married, but some aspects of the wedding planning are really starting to stress me out.
I've never been fortunate enough to have a circle of close female friends. I have one best friend from growing up and one good friend from adulthood, and both of these ladies now live over 1000 miles away from me.  I also have one sister.  I plan on asking these three to be my bridesmaids.  
I am by no means anti-social or a total jerk - I have a decent amount of non-close friends in the city where I have lived for the past few years.  However, I'm not really close with anyone from HS or college anymore, at all.  I'm not the type of person who makes friends easily, I work at a job that is not at all conducive to meeting people, and I'll admit, I suck at pursuing friendships/keeping in touch/etc.  I still haven't ever been a bridesmaid (though I will be for the first time next year).
On the flip side, FI has tons of friends from HS and college and the vast majority of the prospective wedding guest list are people from "his side," even though I now consider a lot of these peeps to be my friends as well.
The whole situation is making me feel like kind of a loser, especially since I'm currently surrounded by friends and acquaintances who are getting married themselves.  They are having engagement parties, trying to decide who to kick off their 12+ person prospective bridesmaid list, and getting excited about their surprise bachelorette parties.  
On the other hand, there has definitely been no engagement celebration on my end (my family is also far away), I am already worrying about what will happen if people try to sit on "his side" vs "her side" at the ceremony, and I'm fielding comments from women who are telling me that I "need to add a fourth" bridesmaid at least, so my pictures won't suck.  Seriously?  And just the idea of a bachelorette party or a shower stresses me out, as I know two of my three BMs won't be able to make it, and my MOH will have a tough time cobbling together a handful of other ladies to come.  And even if she did manage that, they would be a bunch of people who don't really know each other and who I am not that great of friends with in the first place.  So I figure the bachelorette and/or shower just isn't going to happen :(
Don't get me wrong - I would love to be able to have eight bridesmaids and a long list of bachelorette party invitees and friends to help me choose a dress, decorations, and everything else.  But I just don't.  And browsing these boards I feel like I'm really the only one in this situation.  Anyone else feel this way?
Thanks for reading!

Re: Is wedding planning making anyone else feel like a friendless loser?

  • edited December 2011
    You are not alone my dear. I wish I could elaborate more right now- but I must scoot. 
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  • edited December 2011
    First off Congrats on your new engagement!! I've been engaged since last October but we aren't getting married until next June in NorCal. So all my planning has pretty much started just like yours.

    I have a very similar situation happening with my own wedding, but I actually dont look at it like I'm a "loser".

    Like you, I have only asked 3 girls to be in my bridal party: My best friend since HS (MOH, aka "Bestest"), my other best friend from nursing school, and my FI's adult daughter (as a formality). I never thought twice about how "small" my close group of friends was -and subsequently my bridal party, but rather I looked at my two best friends and thought of how lucky I am that these two ladies know me so well and I am so lucky to have them as my bests friends. To me, having a few close friends whom you can share whatever with and not feel judged by is better than having 10+ "close" friends who with half of them you bicker with or they talk about you behind your back! (we're girls, we all know it happens in large groups!)

    Also, think about how much it costs to have so many BMs!!! You have to consider gifts for all of them, coordinating for all of them, finding a dress style that works for all their body types- sheesh! I'm glad I had 3 girls and 2 of them had a similar body type and we found a dress style that worked for all 3 (which all three loved- imagine having 8+ opinions on style, fabric, color, etc?!). What I'm trying to say is to try to look at your small bridal party as a blessing :)
    And don't think that you need 4 BMs to "look right" picture-wise, even #s are great and you- being the bride- makes it an even number: 4!

    Also, I just moved up from AZ to Oregon, and I'm from Northern CA!! My bridal party -and family- is split between 3 states!!! I do agree that it's stressful to imagine how the parties and meetings will work out- but trust me...they do and will! I decided not to have an engagement party, but that's a personal choice we made since we're paying for the wedding ourselves and our family combined is so spread out- it wouldn't be convenient for anyone. My MOH asked me how I'd like her to coordinate the wedding shower and after deliberating I decided it'd be best to have the party where the fewest people (i.e. my guests) have to travel out of state. That being said, I also danced around the idea of having 2 small wedding showers, one in NorCal and one in AZ. Same can be applied to your Bachelorette Party! Or you can all plan to meet somewhere in the middle of your 1000mile radius and live it up for a week/weekend.

    I live up here alone with my FI, so I understand completely how it feels to be going through all this planning without friends and family around to share the excitement. With social networking everywhere you look, you can still share SO MUCH without having them physically there. I know it's not the same, and sometimes I get lonely during the planning too, but keeping in contact and staying positive about it with your friends/fam will help.

    Bottom line, there are plenty of options if you can keep your mind open and your bridal party, friends, and family can do the same. Please dont stress too much! Enjoy the planning and the excitement that you're newly engaged!!
  • LetsHikeTodayLetsHikeToday member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Congratulations on your engagement! I had 4 bridesmaids and honestly, 3 would have been great for me. We did not have ushers so we did not have a "brides side, grooms side" at the ceremony. Honestly, I didn't even think about sides until someone asked at the rehearsal. I had many more people there from my side of the family so everyone just sat anywhere. Maybe that would work for you!
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  • edited December 2011
    Don't stress too much about it, and don't fret about comparing to everyone else. Every wedding is unique and it's too easy to get caught up in what Hollywood (and theKnot, and SMP, etc) try to portray as the perfect wedding filled with B-parties and showers and lots of BMs to go dress shopping with. In the end, often less is more, and the size of your bridal party has no bearing on the happiness of your marriage. Try to enjoy the experience, regardless of how it "compares" to what you might have expected. FWIW I only had my sister as the MOH, no one else, and my 'shower' was getting my nails done with a few friends who were in town the day before the wedding. And that was perfect for me.
  • PittsburghBexPittsburghBex member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I've got four bridesmaids - two are my cousins, two are friends from college.  Beyond them, I don't have any female friends.  Most of my family lives 8+ hours away, so I'm trying to group wedding activies - having the bridal shower and the bachelorette party the same weekend, for example. 

    One of my co-workers has a mind-boggling gaggle of girlfriends, and she's dreading the day that she has to whittle down the list for her wedding.  She knows that if she asks everyone, she's going to wind up with 15 bridesmaids - but if she doesn't ask everyone she's going to have hurt feelings to deal with.  Her situation makes me glad that I have a small group - even if I'm going to struggle to come up with people to invite to a bridal shower.  If my family doesn't show up, it's going to be a tiny group.
  • edited December 2011
    Like previous ladies said, you're not alone. And it would be much more convenient (spell?) having a small bridal party (logistically, financially, etc). My FI is like you, in that he has a couple close friends, and a lot more acquaintances or friends who were originally "mine" first. So, we are having a different number of bridesmaids and groomsmen. I wouldn't stress about that. Enjoy your time with your future husband, planning your wedding day, and know that there will be people who are there and happy for both of you. Congrats on your engagement!
  • edited December 2011
    Congrats on the engagement.  You are far from being alone in your situation. I have no close friends and the few that I had decided to take the exhusbands side when we divorced.  I'm excited to marry my best friend in the entire world but I have no one to share it with.  No one to gab to about wedding plans.  And the celebration will be mostly his family & friends.  I can so relate on how & why you have the feelings you do.  Hang in there - chin up.  I can't say things will get easier, it just becomes tolerable....almost normal.
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  • NegazillaNegazilla member
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I completely agree.  I have two best girlfriends that I've known since I was very young but that's all folks.  Everyone else just would not qualify as someone special and meaningful enough to me to be in my wedding or even come to my wedding.  Don't get me wrong, I would go get a drink with these people or meet up with them on a Saturday night, but they're mostly just filler.  And I'm totally okay with that.  It's just times like these that make me think, "Should I be reassessing my life or is this normal?'  My SO is lucky enough to have five brothers so if we decide to do the wedding party thing, he's totally covered.  But if he didn't he'd be in a worse spot than I am.  I think our solution will be to not have a wedding party at all and tell people that we didn't want them to have to spend a bunch of money on dresses and rentals and all of those silly things.  Plus we'll be having a full mass for our ceremony so it's not like anyone could stand up there with us anyways.
  • MrsRBurnsMrsRBurns member
    edited December 2011
    I can totally relate!!! You are not alone :) Anytime you wanna chat about feeling that way and get reprimanded for feeling like a loser when you totally should not, hit me up :) Weddings are supposed to be happy times...I just keep telling myself that and I am doing my best to remember that when I get the small guest over the top bachelorette corny bridal shower blues. I also remind myself that I am marrying my best friend and that the rest of my life will be filled with making memories and a beautiful family with the most perfect friend I could ever ask for in my lifetime :) Sometimes a life without the drama queens and b!tches is worth the smaller, less dramatic wedding of your dreams :)
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