Wedding Woes

It's Thursday, and MrsConn gave me her problems.

Dear Prudence,
I'm a 23-year-old professional woman living with a close friend. A few months ago, we were out with a big group and everyone was drinking. My roommate was very drunk and ended up having sex with a guy I work with who was also extremely drunk. The next day, they woke up together, but neither of them remembered how they ended up there. She was very upset because she didn't remember consenting to sex. I believe they were both too intoxicated to consent, but I also don't think that he took advantage of her. Since then he and I have become good friends. Recently, I mentioned to my roommate that he’ll be at an upcoming party. She freaked out, forbade me from saying his name, and went on a tirade about how she couldn’t go and that I shouldn't either. I don’t blame her for being upset, but I don't think it's fair to blame him. He and his roommate overlap many of our social circles, so she’s definitely going to run into him. I think that she should go to therapy, to try and work through what happened to her. But I'm not sure how to say that, or if it's even appropriate. Please help!

—Bottle Blues

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Re: It's Thursday, and MrsConn gave me her problems.

  • LOL!  I'm glad someone can bear the burden, work is killing me today.
  • This very question has been a source of ongoing conversation on some of atheist blogs I read.

    I think I finally had to arrive at if both parties were too drunk to truly consent, then I don't think it was rape (meaning if one party was not drunk or not as drunk and could still have the thought, Hm, is this real consent? or Is this person capable of true consent? and if you have to have that thought, the answer is a resounding NO).  BUT, I can understand if either party would prefer not to be around each other again.

    If I were the friend, I would tell her she does need some therapy to work through this.  I would stop mentioning this person's name to her as well.  

    I wonder if friend has talked to man about that night and issues surrounding it.
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