Wedding Woes

Cheating?

he cheated before he officialy popped the question. we talked about getting married before but i did find out that he had cheated on me and was flirting with numerous girls and even denied dating me not me specificaly just said he was single instead. i ended it instantly but then a week later we were talking it out talked about trying it again and then something happened probly just some insecurities on my part that made me call the trying to work it out off then he popped the question and i figured that im not going to throw away a good life for one mistake. so we are still together now. broke up once because he was going to spend the night at a womans house to "hang out" so this time i beat him to the punch and cheated on him told him the next morning and ended it (turns out he never went to her house anyways but..)  anyways to add more to it period was late so i took a home test and it was positive i told him and he said he still wanted to be together regardless of a baby or not. when i broke up with him the second time i wanted everything to just be over with so i wouldnt have talked to him cept for the pregnancy but when to a pregnancy help clinic a few days ago and the test was negative we are still together though even though we are in limbo about if there is a baby or not. anyways my main reason for this was everyone says dont get back with a cheater once a cheater always a cheater ect. he has done a total turn around behind my back and infront ( i read his emails bad i know but ive got to make sure)  if you were in my shoes would you say that i made a mistake agreeing to work it out the first time? or did i do the right thing?

Re: Cheating?

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_cheating-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:ee82e5f2-3852-4bc5-91be-3437a6c16eebPost:cbec11ed-448c-4cb7-a279-013d0693a9d9">Cheating?</a>:
    [QUOTE]broke up once because he was going to spend the night at a womans house to "hang out" so this time i beat him to the punch and cheated on him told him the next morning and ended it (turns out he never went to her house anyways but..)  anyways to add more to it period was late so i took a home test and it was positive i told him and he said he still wanted to be together regardless of a baby or not. when i broke up with him the second time i wanted everything to just be over with so i wouldnt have talked to him cept for the pregnancy but when to a pregnancy help clinic a few days ago and the test was negative we are still together though even though we are in limbo about if there is a baby or not. 
    Posted by devastar02[/QUOTE]

    <div>oh, this has to be MUD that someone did b/c we were talking about being bored.  Seriously b/c crack is whack, yo.</div>
  • This post makes my brain hurt, but I'll try to summarize.

      You were together.  He cheated.  You called it off.  The both of you tried to work it out but you decided you were done.  He proposes, you decide to give him another chance, and accept. 
      While you are engaged, he plans to spend the night at another woman's house to "hang out" so you go out and cheat and tell him about it the next morning.  Turns out he never stayed with the woman but whatever, you still broke up.  
       During this break up, your period is late and a home pregnancy test shows positive.  You tell him about the result and he says he still wants to be together - baby or no baby.  A clinic pregnancy tests shows neg.  You are still together but don't know if you are pregnant.

    Now you wonder if getting back together was a mistake and if "once a cheater, always a cheater"?

    Honey, I have no advice.  But he wasn't the only cheater in this relationship.
     
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  • Are you sure the baby was his since you cheated as well? The only advice I have is if your both ok with cheating on each other and both seem to get over it then keep on at it...but it def doesnt sound healthy!
  • How about this- figure out how to write coherently and how to correctly use birth control. Then worry about relationships.
  • Who in the hell voted that giving this dude a second chance wasn't a mistake?  It was entropic sneaking back in here, wasn't it?
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_cheating-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:ee82e5f2-3852-4bc5-91be-3437a6c16eebPost:66d2efb6-81ab-40b5-9a1b-b046724efab9">Re: Cheating?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Who in the hell voted that giving this dude a second chance wasn't a mistake?  It was entropic sneaking back in here, wasn't it?
    Posted by ReturnOfKuus[/QUOTE]

    What kind of animal is that?
  • thank you oh so much for all of your positive upilfting advice and comments. seriously though now i see why people dont post here all that often about actual woes.
  • Wow, so much going on in this one. End it. For good. It can sometimes be commendable to try and work through an indiscretion such as cheating, but when it's a repeat activity then clearly he's not that serious about you no matter what he says. And two wrongs don't make a right. To cheat on him just to show him what-for is very immature. I think both of you need time to reevaluate your relationship with each other, as well as how you'll treat any future relationships. And there will be future others because you and your current "FI" or whatever he is, will not last. After such a complicated and messed up situation, there's no trust. You can't have a healthy life with someone if you're always checking up on him.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • It's a baby sloth, NYCMercedes.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_cheating-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:ee82e5f2-3852-4bc5-91be-3437a6c16eebPost:41cd065b-4d24-4cb1-8b46-991412d6d4b3">Re: Cheating?</a>:
    [QUOTE]thank you oh so much for all of your positive upilfting advice and comments. seriously though now i see why people dont post here all that often about actual woes.
    Posted by devastar02[/QUOTE]

    <div>I am not going to judge you or your relationship, but I will say that it seems like neither of you can fully trust eachother. To have a healthy relationship that will last, trust is key. I might suggest counseling to get to the root of your relationship issues, but if either of you hold grudges, I am not sure if you will be able to move past cheating on eachother. I hope this helps. I was married to a liar a few years ago and I know how frustrating life can be when you are with someone that you cannot trust. Good luck to you!</div>
    ~Happy Wife.... Happy Life~
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