needing some guidance

bnojnes78

Ok ladies I need some advice. My wedding is a few months away and my FI has started getting cold feet. We've decided a trial separation might help us make sure this is what we both want. My question is how do I handle telling ppl what is going on? We are both very private ppl and don't want to have to explain ourselves to anyone. I'm mainly concerned with having to tell my coworkers. I work in a very gossipy environment. I want to put off telling ppl for as long as I can bc I feel like FI and I can work thru things, but I know there's a possiblilty that we might not in time for our wedding. How long can I put this off and how do I tell ppl without them asking a lot of personal questions and judging me for this?

sister2groom

I'm really sorry you're going through this. I hope things work out the best way possible for you both. 

You don't ever need to tell anyone not invited to the wedding about any delays(well,for your own sake you probably would want to tell people before your planned wedding date so they didn't ask awkward questions, but that can be much much closer to the date). Also, you don't ever need to give anyone a reason for any delays.

You haven't sent out invitations/save-the-dates have you? If you have guests who will be buying plane tickets soon, then before they do you might want to tell them to hold off because you may have to delay the wedding. 

However, if your guests are all local/driving distance then wait and see until it comes time to send out the invitations. You're supposed to send out invites six weeks before the wedding, that's the first weeek in May, quite a bit of time, see how things stand between the two of you then.

Finally, if things do go well I think you guys should start pre-marital/relationship counselling. I don't say this only because you're having trouble, I say it because I think every couple should do some sort of couselling beore they get married, I almost think it should be a requirement to getting married.

bnojnes78

Thank you sister2groom! We have not sent invites out yet. I was just starting to get them ready when this all came about. We've just put everything on hold for a bit. I have considered counseling. I'm from a small town so it's difficult to find one we can both agree on without the entire town knowing our business. I'm just dreading telling my coworkers anything because although it's not their business, they will assume it is. Thanks for the advice! It makes me feel a little less stressed!

Butter Cookie

Good for you both for taking a step back when you're not sure - it takes a strong person to make that decision.

As for telling people it's really none of their business. If people ask you about the wedding just give a generic, "Everything is as it should be" kind of response and change the subject. Rehashing your personal life for people will only make you bitter and resentful, so if they get too pushy just walk away.

bnojnes78

Thank you for your post Butter Cookie. And thank you for saying it takes a strong person bc I'm not feeling that strong right now. I really appreciate the support!