Need A Perspective: BOG

whitelilly1010

I'll try to keep this as short as possible.  A week before Christmas we found a stray dog and unfortunately had to take her to a shelter.  They informed me she would go up for adoption.  She was a great dog so we called to see if my FI's older brother was interested in adopting her as we knew he would give her a great home (we already have 2 dogs).  He told us he was unable to care for a dog at the time.  (The dog found a great home though). 

We all go to his parents for the weekend of Christmas (including our two dogs).  It was the usual...we saw his brother for Christmas dinner, played a few games on the wii the next day, and took a walk with the dogs.  Mostly his brother sat in the bedroom on his computer though.  A week after our visit his brother called to tell us he was adopting 2 dogs.  We were pretty surprised but happy for him.

My FI and his brother have never been very close.  In fact, they only talked or saw each other at Thanksgiving & Christmas when his brother visits his parents house.  I invited his brother over several times over the 2.5 years we"ve lived together but he has never accepted.  In fact one time he told me it would be too hard to find my house (which was actually not difficult to find at all).  Although he would say things like "when you see my place," etc, we were never invited to come over.  I chalked most of it up to him living 3 hours away though and the fact that when he did visit town he stayed at his parents.

Now his brother is getting in touch more but only to share stories of the dogs.  In addtion, he has planned a visit to our house (which is now 8 hours away as of our move a year and a half ago).  Not only is he willing to drive further and with two dogs but he will be bringing his friend (who we are susupicious is his boyfriend for several reasons but its not openly expressed).  I have never met him and my FI hasn't seen him for years. 

So why the sudden change??

I personally think the change may be do to a little sibling rivalry.  His parents love having us all visit but they just spoil our dogs.  His mother is really into dog training and shows.  So he may not like the attention we all get.  In addition, I think his older brother may be a little jealous of where his younger brother is in life and now wants to play the whose life is better game.  We don't want to play but we are happy for him and I am hoping this opens the door for my FI and his brother to become closer. 

Do you think I'm completely off base? Any other perspectives??

baconsmom

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_need-perspective-bog?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:efc8c088-4f77-4f70-8032-2f62a45b2f75Post:cf41bef4-e5bb-4018-8750-d5489ebe4db8">Need A Perspective: BOG</a>:
[QUOTE]I'll try to keep this as short as possible.  A week before Christmas we found a stray dog and unfortunately had to take her to a shelter.  They informed me she would go up for adoption.  She was a great dog so we called to see if my FI's older brother was interested in adopting her as we knew he would give her a great home (we already have 2 dogs).  He told us he was unable to care for a dog at the time.  (The dog found a great home though).  <div>
</div><div>We all go to his parents for the weekend of Christmas (including our two dogs).  It was the usual...we saw his brother for Christmas dinner, played a few games on the wii the next day, and took a walk with the dogs.  Mostly his brother sat in the bedroom on his computer though.  </div><div>
</div><div>A week after our visit his brother called to tell us he was adopting 2 dogs.  We were pretty surprised but happy for him. My FI and his brother have never been very close.  In fact, they only talked or saw each other at Thanksgiving & Christmas when his brother visits his parents house.  I invited his brother over several times over the 2.5 years we"ve lived together but he has never accepted.  In fact one time he told me it would be too hard to find my house (which was actually not difficult to find at all).  Although he would say things like "when you see my place," etc, we were never invited to come over.  I chalked most of it up to him living 3 hours away though and the fact that when he did visit town he stayed at his parents. </div><div>
</div><div>Now his brother is getting in touch more but only to share stories of the dogs.  In addtion, he has planned a visit to our house (which is now 8 hours away as of our move a year and a half ago).  Not only is he willing to drive further and with two dogs but he will be bringing his friend (who we are susupicious is his boyfriend for several reasons but its not openly expressed).  I have never met him and my FI hasn't seen him for years.  </div><div>
</div><div>So why the sudden change?? I personally think the change may be do to a little sibling rivalry.  His parents love having us all visit but they just spoil our dogs.  His mother is really into dog training and shows.  So he may not like the attention we all get.  In addition, I think his older brother may be a little jealous of where his younger brother is in life and now wants to play the whose life is better game.  We don't want to play but we are happy for him and I am hoping this opens the door for my FI and his brother to become closer.  </div><div>
</div><div>Do you think I'm completely off base? Any other perspectives??
Posted by whitelilly1010[/QUOTE]</div><div>
</div><div>I'm doing the Stewie head-tilt over here. You really think you and your Fi are sooooo important that someone is basing all his life choices on you guys? </div><div>
</div><div>OK. Tell me: what's it like being the center of the universe?

</div>

GBCK

I'm not sure why you NEED a motiviation here. 

Maybe he wants to come out of the closet to your family and finally feels comfortable doing so.  Maybe the dog is giving him more confidence/comfort/whatever so he's more at home in his own skin.  Maybe he got struck by lightning.

Is there a reason this matters that I'm missing?

whitelilly1010

@GBCK:  Thank you for more of a helpful perspective.  It doesn't really matter so to say but I worry and am always on gaurd over something that is out of characteristic due to my own family.  I've learned that if I try to think of the possibiliities I am able to better handle the siutation.  So if it is a positive change that he is trying to make...GREAT!!  I couldn't be happier.  But if he wants to start playing the "My life is supposed to be better than yours," "I wanted to be married first" drama we have already encountered with my side of the family than I may start considering eloping.

zsazsa-stl

Maybe the dogs and the boyfriend have brought him out of a funk and he is ready to reach out to his brother more. 

What does the first story about the dog he didn't adopt have anything to do with this?

6fsn

Maybe he was depressed and got some good meds. 

Really, there was a lot of words to say, BOG is all of a suddenwanting to spend time together.

whitelilly1010

I just thought the fact that he said he couldn't adopt a dog (for many reasons which he gave us) then adopted two less than 2 weeks later when there was no change regarding his reasons was odd.  Just me...okay.  Adopting the dogs wouldn't even have been brought into my discussion but it really seemed (at least to my FI and I) that he was using them as a reason to call and visit.  Maybe we are just different about our dogs than he is. 

GBCK

Maybe he didn't want the family entanglement of adopting 'your' dog (I know, it was a straya nd all that but I also know that there are things I won't deal w/ for a slew of reasons once family is involved.) 
Or maybe the dog wasn't a good fit for another reason and he didn't want to insult you by saying so. 

It may be just as odd that you're so distant and have no idea what he's thinking at all and still called and tried to get him to adopt this dog, ya know?

You clearly aren't close right now, that's OK.
But I think this overanalyzing can't do anything but make thigns worse.