Pre Wedding Depression/blues- is there such a thing?

moxysea

Hey all,
I'm noticing more and more that I am becoming very glum about my upcoming wedding. My fiance is not very supportive with the planning and we live no where near close family/friends. I am feeling overwhelmed and it's starting to take a toll on my life in general... I just have no motivation and feel constantly bummed out.

Has anyone gone through this?  And if you have... any suggestions on how you got through it?
Thanks!!

ReturnOfKuus

How is he not supportive with the planning?

moxysea

He's just not into it.... The funny thing is , I wanted to go to Vegas... HE wanted the traditional wedding... so I'm trying to compromise... now we are getting into the "Detail" portion of planning ( what party favors, what food, unity candle or sand) and he just spaces on me.... then has the nerve to say " Well, it's the bride's day.... I'll be happy with whatever..." Then I resent him and it pushes me deeper into a slump.... We talked it over and he says that he's going to get involved more... but I still feel overwhelmed and miserable....

ReturnOfKuus

Tell him that if it's the bride's day, then you're going to Vegas.

Wzz

so he wants the kind of wedding you don't want, but wants you to do all the planning?

i would probably start by telling him that since you compromised and settled on a wedding that he wanted, then he needs to step up and help you get this thing planned. if not, maybe you both need to go and start over so you can plan a wedding you WANT to plan. i mean, if the burden of planning is going to fall on your shoulders, i think that you should be able to get the wedding you really want. not in a stomp-your-feet sort of way, but planning his dream out isn't really all that fair or fun. you shouldn't dread this.

moxysea

LOL yeah wish I could !!! I just feel overwhelmed and there's always so much pressure with weddings.... it's not fun, it's actually quite daunting...

Wzz

you wish you could do what, exactly? talk to him about this? i don't understand.

moxysea

sorry, this is in response to the post before yours- Wzz... in regards to telling him that's it's my day so we're going to vegas.... I wish I could LOL but we are kind of locked in now .... We've put deposits down on everything and 90% of our wedding is coming to us... so alot of folks already go their plane tickets and are figuring out stuff....

dharmabunny

So if he doesn't care about the details that much, then just pick something or nix it and be done and move forward. BTW whose standards is your wedding have to live up anyway? The knot? Some idiotic notion of beautiful "timelessness"?

VarunaTT

Dump the things that don't really matter to you.  FWIW, I've never remembered to leave with a wedding favor, so nix that.  Do you really want a unity candle?  If he's leaving the "details" to you, pick which details you even care about and don't bother with the rest.  Then, if he cares about them, he can pick them out.

moxysea

Thanks!! Have alot to think about

breadpuddin

It seems like you got some good help here! Maybe its for my own selfish needs but I want to rant about my wedding too lol. I too am feeling indifferent towards my wedding. It started as a small meaningful destination wedding in Miami to now a huge chaotic thing with the whole family and friends in my hometown. I had a great venue but they did a really dishonest thing with the pricing and it was a blessing they did that BEFORE I signed the contract, but now my “dream” hometown venue is out of the question. I feel so bratty but each venue I walk into now doesn’t compare to the first. Before I could see it all happening, where everything would go, what it would look like how it would all play out but now I just walk in and think “yea that’s ok I guess” . There is ZERO inspiration for planning the details. Now, unless I want to extend my engagement, I can’t get the little venue I had in Miami argh! My fiancé could care less really which I think is about par for guys so I don’t really hold that against him. I am just trying to remind myself that marrying my future husband is the most important thing. Im just going to throw some flowers on the tables and be done with it ha! Its not going to matter after a few champagne toasts anyway lol! But just know you aren’t alone!! With so much pressure for this to be the perfect fairy tale its bound to not live up to the hype a little.

moxysea

Thanks And good luck!!!

moxysea

I just want to say Thank You to everyone for their advice.... I went home and talked to my FI about how I feel and what's going on... He was totally receptive and felt horrible that I felt like I was the only one trying to plan this wedding... we are going to sit down and go through our list and take the "junk" off that we don't care about... and each pick an idea for the rest of the stuff we need to plan... we'll pick a time during the week to go over our ideas and make a decision....
I feel a lot better now that everything's out in the open... I just needed a kick in the butt from you guys!!!
Thanks

Taranicole69

I think I am officially depressed! Three weeks until the day,and I really have doubts about my venue,my $50 vintage dresss(that needs altering),and even my fiancé! We have two kids and no family support,in fact they are not even invited because no one talks to each other!! Now thinking my original Vegas elopement idea seemed like a good one...

Princessgia07

I've become very depressed in planning.  Especially lately.  I'm trying to cut stuff out as much as I can but it's never going to be the wedding I've wanted.  Not even close.  My MOH keeps telling me that its just a day and that I can make it as fancy and pretty as I want and it helps somewhat but it just upsets me.  I feel defeated and that im sacrificing so much to the point that I don't even want to do it anymore.  I love my FH but I don't want to do this anymore.  I'm thinking about just doing it and getting it over with but then I feel selfish about it because i'm the only child my parents had so i'm taking it away from them.  I feel lost and I know I should be extremely happy instead of constant crying.  My son is starting senior year as well as soon as the wedding hits so I'm dealing with costs there too.  AND, one of my good friends is getting married 3 weeks before me and my son and I are both standing up.  I'm overwhelmed.  If anyone has any glimmer of hope or positivity to get through this its appreciated. 

thejucheidea

@Princessgia07, this thread is over a year old. I mean, sucks for you and such, but why don't you start a new thread instead of resurrecting an old one?

hmonkey

hey @thejucheidea, let her be upset and vent. 

just because you're already married and facing the rest of your life staring at your husband from across the dinner table, day in and day out, watching the stupid way he slides that fork over his teeth and that annoying sound it makes -- 

that doesn't mean that you can't give her something to look forward to in married life.

ReturnOfKuus

Well, what is the wedding that you actually want, Princessgia?  And is there any real reason you can't wait and save up so that you can afford that one?

thejucheidea

I planned our wedding -- the large wedding I didn't want but his family wanted -- on a budget while also being in a friend's wedding who refused to pay for anything but wanted us to do all kinds of expensive shit and dealing with the costs of extensive and unexpected home repairs, so I know where you're coming from emotionally and financially.

My best advice, and the focus of our wedding day, was that the wedding truly is a day. I don't remember much at all about the wedding besides the fact that our friends came into town from all over to celebrate with us. Don't worry about the wedding day -- just go with it. Dwelling on a 'perfect wedding day' isn't going to help you. We went in with no expectations and therefore weren't upset about a single thing around our wedding. Hell, I don't even remember most of the wedding day, but whether that's from nerves or the Xanax is yet to be determined.

Just remember that no matter what happens, you'll still be married to him at the end of the day, and that's all that really matters. Just breathe.

VarunaTT

@thejucheidea were you the one with the friend and a yoga retreat?  That one has always stuck with me.

thejucheidea

VarunaTT said:

@thejucheidea were you the one with the friend and a yoga retreat?  That one has always stuck with me.

No, I'm the one with the bride who pre-gamed so hard that she was blitzed by the time we were picked up by the driver for the party and she spent the whole night fighting on the phone with her husband, spilling booze all over people and objects, trying to walk into the busy Saturday night streets of Nashville, humping a bridesmaid with her dress hiked all the way up while doing karaoke...

VarunaTT

Woooooooooow.  I think you need to start a new post to share this adventure!

Who was it that had the bride who wanted a 3 day cleanse with yoga retreat, etc?  Am I just remembering some column I read>

thejucheidea

Who was it that had the bride who wanted a 3 day cleanse with yoga retreat, etc?  Am I just remembering some column I read>

No, I think it was someone here. I can't remember who it was, but I believe that whimsical fuckery was Knot-based.

CLI242009

moxysea said:

Hey all,
I'm noticing more and more that I am becoming very glum about my upcoming wedding. My fiance is not very supportive with the planning and we live no where near close family/friends. I am feeling overwhelmed and it's starting to take a toll on my life in general... I just have no motivation and feel constantly bummed out.

Has anyone gone through this?  And if you have... any suggestions on how you got through it?
Thanks!!

I have my ups and down days. All my family is in Cali, MoH is in Cali. I am close with my FI's sisters but on some days it's just not the same plus...they also have their own lives too. Our work schedules rarely match so we only see other on Sundays. For me it's being lonely. Not having anyone that I could ask for help, only getting things done on the weekends but by yourself kind of sucks. 

So it's normal for me haha

thejucheidea

CLI242009 said:

moxysea said:

Hey all,
I'm noticing more and more that I am becoming very glum about my upcoming wedding. My fiance is not very supportive with the planning and we live no where near close family/friends. I am feeling overwhelmed and it's starting to take a toll on my life in general... I just have no motivation and feel constantly bummed out.

Has anyone gone through this?  And if you have... any suggestions on how you got through it?
Thanks!!

I have my ups and down days. All my family is in Cali, MoH is in Cali. I am close with my FI's sisters but on some days it's just not the same plus...they also have their own lives too. Our work schedules rarely match so we only see other on Sundays. For me it's being lonely. Not having anyone that I could ask for help, only getting things done on the weekends but by yourself kind of sucks. 

So it's normal for me haha

Yeah, most of my family wasn't able to come because they're in California and we're in Tennessee, so I was planning a wedding I didn't want for the benefit of his family while my wedding party was in Washington, Texas, Virginia, Mississippi and New York. It was funnnn. But it did lead to me getting kind of bitchy and announcing that we're Buddhist instead of Christian like they seemed to believe and then I added a reading that was all about gay people. It was refreshing and one of my coworkers told me it was hilarious watching the reactions of his family to both things.

CLI242009

thejucheidea said:

CLI242009 said:

moxysea said:

Hey all,
I'm noticing more and more that I am becoming very glum about my upcoming wedding. My fiance is not very supportive with the planning and we live no where near close family/friends. I am feeling overwhelmed and it's starting to take a toll on my life in general... I just have no motivation and feel constantly bummed out.

Has anyone gone through this?  And if you have... any suggestions on how you got through it?
Thanks!!

I have my ups and down days. All my family is in Cali, MoH is in Cali. I am close with my FI's sisters but on some days it's just not the same plus...they also have their own lives too. Our work schedules rarely match so we only see other on Sundays. For me it's being lonely. Not having anyone that I could ask for help, only getting things done on the weekends but by yourself kind of sucks. 

So it's normal for me haha

Yeah, most of my family wasn't able to come because they're in California and we're in Tennessee, so I was planning a wedding I didn't want for the benefit of his family while my wedding party was in Washington, Texas, Virginia, Mississippi and New York. It was funnnn. But it did lead to me getting kind of bitchy and announcing that we're Buddhist instead of Christian like they seemed to believe and then I added a reading that was all about gay people. It was refreshing and one of my coworkers told me it was hilarious watching the reactions of his family to both things.

*spits water out on desk* OMG that is awesome!!!! xD I would of been doing the same thing. I know everyone is suppose to look at the bride but I would of been looking at your guests when I caught wind of what kind of speech you were giving hahaha!! 

Whoa - you have family all over the place o.O. My bridal party, one in NY, CA & GA not as bad but still SUCKS. Oh and it sucks when your family is full of procrastinators >.<!!!

Sorry didn't mean to jack thread. The only thing I do when I start feeling the sad feelings coming, I keep myself busy. I KNOW there isn't anything wrong. just missing friends and family, so I try to stay busy and productive ^_^