I need hugs. :(

vikingmom806

Hokay. So, I just moved to Southern California from the Midwest to transfer to a new school within the university system of my church (Lutheran Church Missouri Synod). I love California, and after I got here, before school started, I met the man of my dreams, Justin.

I'm a Director of Christian Education major (wanting to go into youth ministry), and he is a Director of Parish Music major (wanting to lead all the music stuff within a church). We both want to become missionaries and serve God overseas.

From the moment I met Justin I KNEW he was the one. I may normally be a spontaneous person, but not when it comes to relationships. From the day I met him until now, we've spent every waking minute together. We've never fought (I know, I know, it'll happen eventually), and we spend so much time in prayer about our relationship. We both started feeling God calling us to go into ministry together and get married...soon...so we can start building our ministry together, and make sure that we aren't separated during our internships. Not to mention, I don't want to live another second without being his wife. I can't imagine ever wanting to be with anyone else. I've never been so certain about ANYTHING in my entire life.

Justin proposed recently and it's been hell ever since. Right now, his loving support, a few close friends, and reliance on God are all I have. Everyone at my school (a small, private, Christian university) is saying that I'm pregnant (I'm saving myself for marraige...), people have been trying to get us to break up, and over Thanksgiving break someone put horrible, mean Post-It notes all over the doors of people that have been the meanest to Justin and I, and signed my name on them. Now even more people hate me.

We pray about it everyday, and I try really hard to not let it get to me, but it doesn't matter what I do. If I ignore people, they keep on talking and being mean and call me a coward. If I try to explain that we've put prayer behind it, and are financially secure enough to make a marraige work (we both get extensive scholarships and get paid for performing in a drama ministry team and in an a capella group, they don't care. If I fight back, I'm a (insert "choice" word here).

I feel like I'm constantly on trial with everyone. I'm afraid to come out of my dorm room since the Post-It incident because people are threatening me, and I can't stand to see my fiance so upset because I'm so upset. It breaks my heart.

I don't know if I'm asking for advice, or just venting. But just...blsdfjasdl;kfjaeosdfkjasf;laskjflasdfj. Sorry that was so long.

-Ellie

vikingmom806

My fiance and I are 19 and 20, and everyone else is between 17-25.

It is a bit crazy...haha...

6fsn

You and everyone need to grow up.  If you are feeling harassed you should talk to your RA.  You should also disengage from conversations about your relationship.  Your finances are nobody's business.

tawillers

This is college?  Wow.  My college experience was nothing like this.

This sounds more like a sad high school.

MNNEBride

I'm sorry you are going through this.  Everyone sounds very immature!

I came through the same system you are in (sorry this won't make much sense to anyone else).  I grew up LC-MS and went to CSP for DCE/YM.  I did my internship in the area you are now.  I served as a DCE for 21 years in 2 different districts (NWI and NE).  If you want to talk further, send me a PM.

ReturnOfKuus

Maybe everyone around you is onto something.  You're teenagers who barely know each other.  Now is not the time to rush into marriage.

mrsconn23

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_need-hugs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:f62b1f4d-d728-4368-96bc-8ae178d20087Post:72c458fc-5475-47a2-a9b8-c5b08eca9039">Re: I need hugs. :(</a>:
[QUOTE]Maybe everyone around you is onto something.  You're teenagers who barely know each other.  Now is not the time to rush into marriage.
Posted by ReturnOfKuus[/QUOTE]

But she just *knew* Kuus.  And God is telling them they belong together. 

ReturnOfKuus

If I had a dollar for every time I "just knew" with some guy or another, then I'd be a wealthy woman.

mrsconn23

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_need-hugs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:f62b1f4d-d728-4368-96bc-8ae178d20087Post:ff9c7131-748a-494b-be70-5ac16eea617c">Re: I need hugs. :(</a>:
[QUOTE]If I had a dollar for every time I "just knew" with some guy or another, then I'd be a wealthy woman.
Posted by ReturnOfKuus[/QUOTE]

True story.

I wish they handed out dollars for that. 

mrsconn23

Oh and OP, you just upended your entire life moving so far away from home.  Give your new environment some time.  What's wrong with just dating or is the fact that you want to get the sex over with?

renegade gaucho

If you've only been dating a short time, I can see why people are assuming you're pregnant.  There's no other reasonable explanation for getting married so soon after meeting someone, especially when you're a teen ager.

DarlinPenguin

OP, I'm sorry that people here have decided to jump on the bandwagon of criticizing your relationship instead of offering the support that you came here for. 

I understand what you mean by "you are certain". Yes, there are many people out there that have "that feeling", but in general, those people that have those feelings over and over are looking for a groom, not a husband. You can usually spot them in tears, huddled in a corner after their latest boyfriend finds the secret wedding dress in the closet. (True story, about an old friend of mine.) 

The thing is, these men that they are dating usually have NO intentions of walking down the aisle with them, and they can't see that, for whatever reason.

19 is plenty old enough to know whether or not you are in love or not. Hell, 16 is old enough for some people. For other people, 30 still isn't old enough. You have to look at YOUR relationship. Don't let other people's opinions cause strife in your relationship.  

It shows maturity on his part that he is not letting everyone talk him into breaking up with you. A  lot of boys that age would listen to their friends, rather than their heart.

I have to say that I'd recommend not relying on financial aide to pay bills, in case a child comes along or some emergency,  as financial stress is one of the biggest problems in young marriages. Get into pre-marital counseling now so that you can learn how to argue fairly, because it will happen eventually.

The big thing that you need to remember though, about the situation with your dorm mates,  is that most people your age have been raised by their parents to be perpetual adolescents. They want their kids to stay kids as long as possible, so they don't teach them things like relationship skills, they tell them all the time how young and stupid they are, they don't empower them to BE an adult. So of course, they have raised a generation of adults that ARE young and stupid, and yes, most of them wouldn't know a lasting relationship if one hit them over the head.

Your relationship (from what I gathered from your post) shows signs of being strong. You pray together (this shows spiritual intimacy) you have the same goals in life, you have the same values. As long as you are not pushing him for a wedding, or vice versa, and he is kind, thoughtful, honest, and supportive throughout all the crap you are going through, then I say go for it! Just be the adult that you feel like you are, try to laugh at them or with them. Don't be afraid to show your face, because that implies that you have done something to be ashamed of. Hold your head high, hold your fiance's hand proud, wear fitted clothes that show off your un-pregnant belly, and do what you and your fiance feel is right. 

Good luck!