MIL issues-what do you do when MIL/FIL threatens not to come to wedding unless X...

Melissa Livingston

do you give in? continue to plan wedding without them?

sister2groom

Not necessarily, my answer would have to depend at least on 1) how strongly you and your FI feel about the issue in question 2) how much he wants a relationship with his parents.

What is X? Is it really that big of a deal? I mean, most people want to have a decent relationship with their in-laws and you have to pick your battles.

baconsmom

I don't do blackmail. Ever. For any reason. So I'd just tell them you'll miss them. 

And no, it doesn't matter to me what X might be. If they're willing to be all crazy butthurt blackmailers about it, they don't deserve to get it. You're setting a precedent here: will you give in to threats, or won't you? For the rest of your married life? 

sister2groom

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_mil-issues-milfil-threatens-not-come-wedding-unless-x?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:f715f4f1-a188-4eeb-9e56-87746d077af8Post:ba33b53e-a9f1-45e0-b804-f82239967261">Re: MIL issues-what do you do when MIL/FIL threatens not to come to wedding unless X...</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't do blackmail. Ever. For any reason. So I'd just tell them you'll miss them.  And no, it doesn't matter to me what X might be. If they're willing to be all crazy butthurt blackmailers about it, they don't deserve to get it. You're setting a precedent here: will you give in to threats, or won't you? For the rest of your married life? 
Posted by baconsmom[/QUOTE]

I do think this a legitimate point. However, I still think it might matter what X is, if, for example, his parents are usually pretty normal people, and are taking this strong a stand on X, the bride and groom could potentially be doing something wrong.

I mean, I know my parents are fairly reasonable, so for them to threaten something like that I would have to be insisting on doing something very offensive.

ichellemay1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_mil-issues-milfil-threatens-not-come-wedding-unless-x?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:f715f4f1-a188-4eeb-9e56-87746d077af8Post:5bb38b60-5399-4e54-a4e5-2e86a6641318">Re: MIL issues-what do you do when MIL/FIL threatens not to come to wedding unless X...</a>:
[QUOTE]Not necessarily, my answer would have to depend at least on <strong>1) how strongly you and your FI feel about the issue in question 2) how much he wants a relationship with his parents. </strong>What is X? Is it really that big of a deal? I mean, most people want to have a decent relationship with their in-laws and you have to pick your battles.
Posted by sister2groom[/QUOTE]

This.  I've mentioned this before, but my now-xMIL and her mother threatened to stop eating if my xH got married.  Seriously.  He told them he was getting married no matter what - they got over it.  So, it's something you and your FI need to discuss and have a united front about.

MinM

Does X matter to you? Are you ready for a life of her doing this to you? BMom is 100% correct.

MrsSilverwolf

I say continue planning without them. It is your wedding, not theirs. If they get so butthurt about something that they threaten not to come, then obviously it's meant to manipulate and/or hurt your feelings. You have to stand strong and show them that you are an adult and can make your own decisions and they need to respect that. Like many have said, if you give in then you are just showing them that they can do it again once you're married too.

baconsmom

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_mil-issues-milfil-threatens-not-come-wedding-unless-x?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:f715f4f1-a188-4eeb-9e56-87746d077af8Post:ab898802-c18e-4541-bea0-f84f18e27283">Re: MIL issues-what do you do when MIL/FIL threatens not to come to wedding unless X...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MIL issues-what do you do when MIL/FIL threatens not to come to wedding unless X... : I do think this a legitimate point. However, I still think it might matter what X is, if, for example, his parents are usually pretty normal people, and are taking this strong a stand on X, the bride and groom could potentially be doing something wrong. <div>
</div><div>I mean, I know my parents are fairly reasonable, so for them to threaten something like that I would have to be insisting on doing something very offensive.
Posted by sister2groom[/QUOTE]

</div><div>But that's the thing: reasonable people don't blackmail. They say, "This is inappropriate/rude/tacky, and we'd prefer you didn't do it. But it is your wedding. Just take it under advisement: we'd hate to have people think ill of you for doing this." </div><div>
</div><div>Saying, "We won't come unless X" isn't, by its very nature, reasonable, and therefore requires no response other than, "Too bad." </div>