Wedding Reception Forum
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destination dilema

my husband and i got married through the courthouse last week and we want to have our church wedding this year so our families could be part of it. we are both in the military and stationed in virginia, im from chicago and he's from southwest missouri. we wanted to have it in virgina because it would be difficult to plan one at eithe hometown becaue neither of us is there and i have no clue how that would work. if we have it in virginia, a lot of our family memeber are complaining about how they cant make it because its too expensive and far.  we cant just leave whenever we want this is so complicated!

Re: destination dilema

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    I am with trix. The mature thing to do would be to stick by the decision you made to get married when you did OR wait until you were able have the ceremony you really wanted. Being an adult is about making tough choices like this and sometimes life is not ideal.

    As for the reception, have it where you want to have it, assuming you are paying for it.  If your parents are paying for it they have the say. You do need to understand that it very well may be too expensive for people to travel in these tough economic times and be understanding if people do decline.
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    I feel like the location for your convalidation/vow renewal will be limited based parish and diocesan rules since you're Catholic.  Who wants which location may be a moot point anyway once you determine which priests are willing and permitted to perform your convalidation.
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    Trix1223, there is a huge difference between getting married and having a wedding.  Getting married is the legal stuff, having a wedding is when you invite who you can afford to a special location with flowers & music & fancy clothes & you provide food and drink.  The second one generally costs a lot more than the first.  As for when people get married versus when they have the wedding, A certain calendar day for an anniversary may be more important than the day of the week that it falls on in a given year.  In order to have a specific anniversary date, some people choose to get married at the courthouse & then have a wedding on a day convenient for the families.
    In some countries & cultures you must get the legal part done separate from the religious or social part.  Just like some churches make you go to counseling before the wedding.
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    [QUOTE]Trix1223, there is a huge difference between getting married and having a wedding.  Getting married is the legal stuff, having a wedding is when you invite who you can afford to a special location with flowers & music & fancy clothes & you provide food and drink.  The second one generally costs a lot more than the first. 

     In some countries & cultures you must get the legal part done separate from the religious or social part.
    Posted by tommyandy[/QUOTE]
    Not every wedding has flowers, music, fancy clothes or a special location.  A wedding is an event at which two people get married - you cannot have a wedding without the signing of the marriage license, and a courthouse wedding is still a wedding.

    Some countries do have the legal and religious weddings as separate events, but the U.S. does not.
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    OP, Congrats!
    Can you and the new hubby(!) take 2 three day weekends this year?  It will be cheaper to fly the 2 of you to them than to fly them to you.  This way you can have a simple ceremony at each hometown church with as many people as can come. Maybe a blessing type of thing after mass?  A cake & punch reception immediately after would be just fine.  Maybe call or email the church ladies to see what they can come up with as far as food goes for your budget.
    You can also do a simple ceremony on base for all of your buddies.  Yes, this does mean 3 weddings, but think of all the pictures & you will defiantly get your money's worth for the wedding dress.  
    I would suggest waiting until next year, but who knows where you will be then.  If the family thinks it's expensive to fly to VA, just wait till they price tickets to Hawaii .  GL & thanks for serving our country.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_destination-dilema?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:1ad0c909-a96d-4457-94f3-5ae29f3a622ePost:78cfa467-4256-462e-ab83-c25a03d5ea96">Re: destination dilema</a>:
    [QUOTE]OP, Congrats! Can you and the new hubby(!) take 2 three day weekends this year?  It will be cheaper to fly the 2 of you to them than to fly them to you.  This way you can have a simple ceremony at each hometown church with as many people as can come. Maybe a blessing type of thing after mass?  A cake & punch reception immediately after would be just fine.  Maybe call or email the church ladies to see what they can come up with as far as food goes for your budget. You can also do a simple ceremony on base for all of your buddies.  Yes, this does mean 3 weddings, but think of all the pictures & you will defiantly get your money's worth for the wedding dress.   I would suggest waiting until next year, but who knows where you will be then.  If the family thinks it's expensive to fly to VA, just wait till they price tickets to Hawaii .  GL & thanks for serving our country.
    Posted by tommyandy[/QUOTE]

    Yeah, that's even better.  Instead of one wedding followed by one pretend do-over, let's just do the "Wedding Tour"~coming to a city near you.  Tickets available at ticketmaster.

    Seriously, when does it stop? 

    As for the poster who said that in Europe they have two separate ceremonies:  good for them.  But last I checked, the OP didn't live in Europe. 

    It doesn't matter whether you want to play word games or not and talk about weddings vs. marriage.  The fact is that the OP HAD a wedding, and is thus now in a marriage. 

    Please don't insult people who chose to have a courthouse wedding by implying that they're not really married because they didn't have the princess day.

    The OP has had a wedding.  She doesn't get a do-over because she jumped the gun and went to a courthouse.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    vsgalvsgal member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    Just a thought--No church will marry you if you are already married.  I guess you could lie, but then you would be directly lying to the preacher, God and the Church.  Isn't that worse than having a pretty princess party?  You could get a divorce, but most faiths frown on divorces.

    Don't pretend like you are not married.  You made the decision based on convience to you.  You don't get a do-over.

    Wait 10 years and then do a small vow renewal and have the party.
    ROCK IS KING!!
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_destination-dilema?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:1ad0c909-a96d-4457-94f3-5ae29f3a622ePost:6eed0483-4da7-43ef-aba0-6166e3c967dd">Re: destination dilema</a>:
    [QUOTE]Trix1223, there is a huge difference between getting married and having a wedding.  Getting married is the legal stuff, having a wedding is when you invite who you can afford to a special location with flowers & music & fancy clothes & you provide food and drink.  The second one generally costs a lot more than the first.  
    Posted by tommyandy[/QUOTE]


    So my grandparents, who married in a church with two witnesses and who wore the best clothes they had laying around instead of getting a tuxedo and buying a big fancy dress, didn't have a wedding? My in-laws never had a wedding because they chose to go to the courthouse?

    You're wrong. A wedding is when two people get married. Whether it costs $30 or $300,000. Whether there are two people in attendance or 200. Whether there are fancy clothes or blue jeans.

    People don't "deserve" a do-over just because they weren't satisfied with what they chose to do the first time around. Whatever wedding you choose to do the first time is YOUR WEDDING. Saying that people who chose to do something simple didn't have a "wedding" is incredibly insulting, rude and materialistic.
    image
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    gotta give it up for trix; she's 100% on the money.

    You made your choice. You are already married.  Party it up all you want but don't call it a wedding.  Your wedding is the day you get married whether you do it at a courthouse for $30 or at a country club for $30,000.  Getting married=wedding regardless of how you do it.

    Maybe you'll find people more sympathetic on the military board but your wedding day has come and gone.  If the religious ceremony and the big reception were that important you needed to make decisions that would have allowed that to happen.  It was more important that you be stationed near each other (which is fine) but that meant sacrificing your "dream wedding."

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    Okay, I think the only way you can BEGIN to understand the poster's situation is to be with a military man or in the military yourself.  Do not judge this woman - she and her husband give a lot for you and your families.

    So anyone who is married/engaged to someone in the military, you can understand this situation.  Everyone else, kindly keep from insulting the poster by insinuating that she can't or shouldn't have a ceremony where they commit to each other in front of family, friends, and God (or whomever) just because they chose to sign the papers in court. She did NOT ask you if she SHOULD have another ceremony - she asked for suggestions on HOW to do it.  So unless you're answering her question, keep your judgements and snarkiness to yourself.

    The military will separate you if you're not married - they will reassign one of you to another part of the country or world with no regard.  You cannot live together.  You have to live on base.  You do not get the same kind of benefits when you're not married, and 'engaged' doesn't count for jack.  Plus your time is not your own - you cannot plan to have a wedding because you never know if you'll be able to have the time free, or if last minute your plans will get yanked out from under you by new orders.

    So I completely understand the courthouse wedding to make it official in the eyes of the military - now for your church wedding to make it official in the eyes of your family (who probably do not count your courthouse wedding as 'real' regardless of its legality) and God.

    Unfortunately, sometimes family members cannot make weddings.  Sometimes friends can't make weddings.  Even if you get it in your hometown, someone might not be able to make it.  What you need to do is figure out WHO is most important - who you cannot do this wedding without.  You're right - it's probably going to be too hard to plan something back home, unless you have a mother or sister you can trust with all the details.  If you really want to run the show yourself, talk to those people, ask them which weekends in Virginia would work for them.  Make it clear to parents/siblings/grandparents that you absolutely need them there, and you're willing to work with their schedules to make this happen.  It's likely going to be smaller than your dream wedding, but as we all know, we make compromises for the military all the time.  But at least you'll have the essential people, and hopefully you can see Aunt Sue or Uncle Barry who couldn't come next time you're home and have some sort of party or dinner for whoever couldn't make it.

    On a sidenote, where in Virginia are you?  Feel free to email me - my screen name @gmail - as I'm very familiar with the Quantico/DC area and know some excellent places for weddings.  I have friends in Norfolk, but don't know it myself.  Congratulations, and good luck!  And keep your head high - you deserve to be happy and enjoy your special day.  I'm happy for you and your husband, and thank you for your service!
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    A friend that I work with got married last year and they are having their dream ceremony in August, my suggestion is if they can't make it they will be missed. Have your day wear your dress and make it special. A lot of people now and days wil lgo get married at a court house and then later on down the road when it is more affordable or when they can get everyone together they have the "fancy ceremony" My sisters husband just joined the air force and she couldnt travel with him unless they were married so they eloped and had a wedding later on. It was beautiful to.
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    Oh yes, my sister is also very religious: I can get more info on wether or not their officiant had a problem with them already being married. I know she did get married in a church.
    Tattoed Sailor Mouthed Mommy <3 <br> Maddox born 6/8/11
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