Wedding Reception Forum
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On-Your-Own-For-Dinner Break?

My FI are on an $8000 budget, and with both our HUGE families and some friends, we can't afford a fancy reception with all the works. While I had my heart sort of set on an early ceremony followed by a brunch reception, my FI wasn't a fan. He thought it'd be anti-climactic (really I think he just wants to golf with his groomsmen before the ceremony to work off nerves- whatever). So we spent all yesterday discussing a ceremony starting at 5 or 6, then having a 2 hour break in which everyone could go out to dinner (we would take our wedding party out to dinner as our gift to them) and then having everyone come back at like 8 or 9 for a cocktail and cake reception with music.

Is it weird to have a break in the middle of things like that, and rude to ask them to take care of their own dinner? I mean, in my experience most wedding food kinda sucks anyways so I know my family probably wouldn't mind, but apparently MIL kinda flipped, saying "you just can't do that" (she's a wedding traditionalist). I admit, I'm not entirely sold on the idea, but if the guests wouldn't have a problem with it and the brunch is a no-go, it really does seem like our best option.

Re: On-Your-Own-For-Dinner Break?

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    I think that's a horrible and rude idea. Why can't you just start later, around 8 or so and have your ceremony and then directly go into a reception with desserts and dancing? What possible purpose does the dinner break serve after the ceremony?
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    a lot of guests can feel irritated when they have long breaks.  Afterall, they're traveling to your wedding and spending $$ on hotels/gifts.  You do need to be a good host, and I wouldn't recommend the break for them to pay for their own dinner.

    However, I would recommend starting the ceremony at a non-mealtime time of day....Maybe 2 or 3 in the afternoon (or even 8 or 9 at night), then you could just do hors d'ourves and cake or something like that.  It wouldn't cost you too much, and that way your guests don't have to fend for themselves.


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    That's very rude. You wouldn't be hosting your guests very well with that idea. You need to thank them, and preferable immediately after the ceremony. Saying, "there's a Micky D's down the street" is not hosting.

    I would start the ceremony at 8 and then just have cake, cheese and crackers, and drinks after that. If you had an afternoon reception (starting at 2 or 3) you could also just do cake and punch. The benefit of a cake and punch reception is that they are short (2 hours) and you wouldn't need dancing/a DJ either.
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    Totally agree with what everyone else has said!  Good luck!
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    No, don't do that.  You want people to remember how graciously hosted your wedding was...  Not that they had to grab McDonald's between the ceremony and the reception.  THAT is anticlimatic.

    If you can't afford a full meal, then just don't have your wedding overlap any meal time.  Get married at 8PM and have a dessert reception, etc.

    And not all wedding food is bad.  It's incredible at most of the weddings I've been to, including my own ;)  So that justification isn't likely to make sense to all of your guests.  Good luck ;)
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    Gaps are bad enough by themselves, but one in which people are expected to go feed themselves is really, exceptionally rude.
    Married 10/2/10
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    No no no no no.  Your FMIL is absolutely right, that's a terrible idea.

    And I agree with Expat, not all wedding food is bad.  Ours was actually quite excellent, we just did heavy apps and people were raving about them.
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    That's one of the rudest things you can do.  A lot of the pp had good suggestions.  Have your ceremony/reception at a non-meal time and just do cake and punch.


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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_own-dinner-break?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:22cf159e-dee7-4533-9daa-9c0f2392bb77Post:c6d7814d-c08a-4ce5-9e88-7b082885664f">On-Your-Own-For-Dinner Break?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My FI are on an $8000 budget, and with both our HUGE families and some friends, we can't afford a fancy reception with all the works. While I had my heart sort of set on an early ceremony followed by a brunch reception, my FI wasn't a fan. He thought it'd be anti-climactic (really I think he just wants to golf with his groomsmen before the ceremony to work off nerves- whatever). So we spent all yesterday discussing a ceremony starting at 5 or 6, then having a 2 hour break in which everyone could go out to dinner (we would take our wedding party out to dinner as our gift to them) and then having everyone come back at like 8 or 9 for a cocktail and cake reception with music. Is it weird to have a break in the middle of things like that, and rude to ask them to take care of their own dinner? I mean, in my experience most wedding food kinda sucks anyways so I know my family probably wouldn't mind, but apparently MIL kinda flipped, saying "you just can't do that" (she's a wedding traditionalist). I admit, I'm not entirely sold on the idea, but if the guests wouldn't have a problem with it and the brunch is a no-go, it really does seem like our best option.
    Posted by stephdonjon[/QUOTE]
    JIC
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    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    I've had sucky wedding food, and I've had wedding food that I've never before seen in my life and crave to this day.  Maybe the sucky wedding food you had was because people felt it was absolutely necessary to have their wedding at meal time and wanted to cut costs with a crappy caterer.
    dont make ur password so easy. gbck2CA2 hahahaha
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    If you can't afford to feed everyone dinner then don't have your reception during the dinner hour.  Brunch, dessert, cocktail with heavy apps, afternoon cake & punch are all options.  You can also look into having your wedding on a Friday night if this is an option as sometimes the food minimums and costs are less.  Also some girls do an afternoon wedding, cake and punch, and then meet up with friends for an after party if you want to keep the party going.
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    God no!  Don't do that!  I agree with the other posters.  Do only what you can afford to fully host, whether that means cutting the guest list to a number you can afford or by having the ceremony and reception away from meal times and just doing appetizers and cake, or whatever.  But please do not make guests buy their own dinner! 
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    If you're not going to serve dinner, then you have to have ceremony and reception at a non-dinner time, either afternoon or late evening.  IMO large gaps between ceremony and reception suck, so we are doing pictures before. 
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    Your FI is being a brat. Tell him I said so.
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    Tell your FI that this is an awful idea.  A very bad, awful idea.  Ditto pps who said that if you can't feel people a meal, then have a non-mealtime reception.  (I would LOVE a brunch reception, myself.  I had an 11 am wedding, followed by a luncheon reception).

    Tell you FI to listen to his mom.  Because she's 100% right that this is an awful idea.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    In addition to having a small wedding, check out the Budget board. There are many women with budgets that are the same as yours or smaller who are hosting a full reception. BBQ can be an inexpensive meal option, or using a public park and going through a local restaurant rather than a caterer.
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    I could be wrong, but if you are on a budget, brunch is probably the cheaper option.  If you do the night-time thing you'll probably have an open bar which is $$.  It sounds like you prefer the brunch.  Perhaps come up with something fun do do in the evening (especially that he'll like) with either just the 2 of you or a small group of close friends and family.  Ah the joins of compromise!  

    On a random note, I highly recommend the book Thank You for Arguing, half the time I forget to use the techniques in there, but when I remember they work a majority of the time :-)
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    It's not a good idea to have the break but it's just fine to ahve the cocktail and cake reception.  I suggest a wedding ceremony starting at 7 followed by a cocktail and cake reception at 8.  People can eat dinner at five before they come.  Just make sure you mention on the wedidng invites that the reception is cocktail and cake only.  
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    I would suggest doing the ceremony around 2 or 3 followed by cake and punch only or light appetizers(check out Sams club for bulk pricing, you could prepare cheese, fruit and veggie trays, chips and dip) and cocktails. Also you may be able to get a cheaper catering option--check with resturants like fazolis for pasta and salad options or the local grocery store for sandwhich tray options. Good luck! I dont think that the break is a good idea, many guests probably wouldnt return.
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    why bother with a reception at all then?! i mean really. have one 'first dance' rigth after the ceremony and then send everyone home.
    i've been on these boards for years. as far as bad, rude, and just plain stupid ideas-this takes the cake.

     

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_own-dinner-break?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:22cf159e-dee7-4533-9daa-9c0f2392bb77Post:0f05b3df-4fdf-4d4a-bb0b-ea900866b15c">Re: On-Your-Own-For-Dinner Break?</a>:
    [QUOTE]why bother with a reception at all then?! i mean really. have one 'first dance' rigth after the ceremony and then send everyone home. i've been on these boards for years. as far as bad, rude, and just plain stupid ideas-this takes the cake.
    Posted by alithebride[/QUOTE]
    Um... maybe because we have friends and family who we want to share the happiest day of our lives with. Just because we don't have a $25,000-30,000 budget doesn't mean we're not entitled to any sort of reception. We plan to have cake, appetizers, and dancing. Making people fend for their self for dinner wasn't my idea; I posted hoping to get enough other opinions to encourage my fiance to change his mind. Not to be barrated for thinking our family and friends care more about us than prime rib.
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    I agree w/ what has been said: have your reception at a non-meal time, do a brunch recption, hours d'ouveres and cake. have you aske your FI how he thinks you guys can afford to feed all the ppl ?
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_own-dinner-break?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:22cf159e-dee7-4533-9daa-9c0f2392bb77Post:b49817ff-39af-4ff7-9002-d1f73d0f3028">Re: On-Your-Own-For-Dinner Break?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: On-Your-Own-For-Dinner Break? : Um... maybe because we have friends and family who we want to share the happiest day of our lives with. Just because we don't have a $25,000-30,000 budget doesn't mean we're not entitled to any sort of reception. We plan to have cake, appetizers, and dancing. Making people fend for their self for dinner wasn't my idea; I posted hoping to get enough other opinions to encourage my fiance to change his mind. Not to be barrated for thinking our family and friends care more about us than prime rib.
    Posted by stephdonjon[/QUOTE]

    You're right-you DON'T need a big budget to host a nice reception but if you're hosting a reception don't be jerks to your guests! You're not  'entitled' to anything but what you can afford-and if you had no budget you'd not be 'entitled' to anything-but you must do the absolute best for your guests that you can-not cheap out on it.
    Also-it's fend for 'themselves' not 'their self'. You're not being berated for anything except having a bad idea-of course your family and friends want to help you celebrate and yes-that's more important than prime rib (yuck!) but as the HOSTS of your family and friends you take on a certain amount of responsibility to show them a good time and feed them appropriately. As long as you have it at a non-meal time and have plenty of finger foods and cake then it's fine.

     

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