Time Gap Between Ceremony & Reception

miranda holly

We are having a 2pm ceremony, and pictures immediately afterwards.  Our venue is a private chalet, where the ceremony is upstairs and the reception downstairs.  However, the buffet reception starts at 6pm.  We have invited guests back to the chalet for 5pm for drinks. 

Is it unreasonable to think guests can leave after the ceremony and head to town (2-3mins away), and return between 5-6pm?  I like the idea of serving some food with drinks at 5pm, but my FH does not.  His family says it's not uncommon to have gaps between the ceremony and reception, and it's not MY/OUR responsponsibility to entertain them or feed them until dinner. 

Any suggestions or etiquette advice on this?  Thanks!!

Avion22

I don't understand.  If your venue is a private Chalet, then why can't you start the ceremony at 4:30 and move straight into your cocktail hour?  This way your guests don't have to entertain themselves for hours, while all dressed up for a wedding and reception, and then come back later.

Having a huge gap between ceremony and reception is pretty rude to your guests.  Sometimes churches require an early ceremony to accomodate afternoon services, but reception venues don't open until later in the afternoon.  But in your case, everything is in the same venue, so I don't understand why you can't set the schedule for the day the way you want it.   

If you're worried about photos, then just do as many as you can before the ceremony.  If you don't want to see each other before the ceremony, then do photos separately (this is what H and I did -- photos of me and the bridesmaids separate form photos of him and the groomsmen).  After the ceremony, the only pictures we had left to do were photos of all of the family members in different combinations, then photos of us with the entire wedding party, and shots of just the two of us together.  If you don't mind seeing each other before the ceremony, then you can get your photographer to do "first look" shots.    You should EASILY be able to take any photos you still need during the cocktail hour.

JoanE2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_time-gap-between-ceremony-reception-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:2ead0cf2-bda4-47bf-b0d7-bc56f89a5025Post:f1860bb7-6d88-4df1-858a-5a0f05d041b5">Re: Time Gap Between Ceremony & Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't understand.  If your venue is a private Chalet, then why can't you start the ceremony at 4:30 and move straight into your cocktail hour?  This way your guests don't have to entertain themselves for hours, while all dressed up for a wedding and reception, and then come back later. Having a huge gap between ceremony and reception is pretty rude to your guests.  Sometimes churches require an early ceremony to accomodate afternoon services, but reception venues don't open until later in the afternoon.  But in your case, everything is in the same venue, so I don't understand why you can't set the schedule for the day the way you want it.    If you're worried about photos, then just do as many as you can before the ceremony.  If you don't want to see each other before the ceremony, then do photos separately (this is what H and I did -- photos of me and the bridesmaids separate form photos of him and the groomsmen).  After the ceremony, the only pictures we had left to do were photos of all of the family members in different combinations, then photos of us with the entire wedding party, and shots of just the two of us together.  If you don't mind seeing each other before the ceremony, then you can get your photographer to do "first look" shots.    You should EASILY be able to take any photos you still need during the cocktail hour.
Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]

All of this.  Gaps are extremely rude.  I don't want to spend 2-3 hours wandering around a town dressed to the nines.  Move your ceremony time, take any pictures you need to do immediately after during cocktail hour and then move to reception. 

Sue-n-Kevin

If you had a large gap between 2 different venues, then I might understand. But you are having the ceremony at 2 pm upstairs, then the cocktail hour starts at 5, dinner at 6, in the lower level of the same building. This is really inconvenient for your guests. They arrive, leave, return 3 hrs later?

I don't know if you think it takes 3 hrs to take pictures, but it doesn't. You can do a "first look", where you and your fiance meet beforehand, then take all your pictures before the ceremony, along with family, or do as others have suggested and take as many family pics as possible beforehand, then the ones with you and your husband afterward.

Whenever we've been to weddings with a break between, they were not at the same site, we had to drive to the reception from the ceremony. Yes, it was irritating, but I tend to be understanding that a chapel or church may have multiple ceremonies in the same day. When you have the entire venue for the day, it's hard to understand why you scheduled everything so far apart.

HobokensFury

Ditto pp. You are being pretty unreasonable to have a 3 hour gap between your ceremony and reception at the same venue. Push your ceremony later or start the reception earlier.

QueerFemme

In Response to Re:Time Gap Between Ceremony :[QUOTE]We are having a 2pm ceremony, and pictures immediately afterwards.nbsp; Our venue is a private chalet, where the ceremony is upstairs and the reception downstairs.nbsp; However, the buffet reception starts at 6pm.nbsp; We have invited guests back to the chalet for 5pm for drinks.nbsp; Is it unreasonable to think guests can leave after the ceremony and head to town 23mins away, and return between 56pm?nbsp; I like the idea of serving some food with drinks at 5pm, but my FH does not.nbsp; His family says it's not uncommon to have gaps between the ceremony and reception, and it's not MY/OUR responsponsibility to entertain them or feed them until dinner.nbsp; Any suggestions or etiquette advice on this?nbsp; Thanks!! Posted by miranda holly[/QUOTE]

Yep. I agree with everyone else. That large of a gap at the same venue is extremely rude. Start your ceremony later or move up your reception start time.

At the same venue, you really shouldn't keep your guests waiting more than 4560 minutes. And you should NOT send them away to entertain themselves.

AddieCake

I would definitely not come back for the reception with a gap like that. Depending how close I was with you, I would attend the wedding if it were local and then go home. If it wasn't local, I wouldn't attend the ceremony, either.

Jen4948

A gap that long is rude and inconsiderate to your guests.  They aren't going to want to be told to leave and come back 2-3 hours later.  Especially if they were wearing the same clothes to the ceremony that they planned to wear to the reception. 

And your fiance and his family are dead wrong about it not being your responsibility to feed and entertain your guests between the end of the ceremony and the meal.  It sure is.  That's part of what a "reception" is for in the first place.  If I came to your wedding and got that attitude from you guys, I'd leave and not come back, and I'd be reconsidering my relationship with you altogether.

shtwilight

I have a gap i my wedding too. Ceremony starts at 3 lasts an hour and then dinner starts 6. Our plan is to have appetizers start at 4:30 (no cocktail hour because we're having a dry wedding) but also start the music around 5.

Our wedding is all at one location too. We need time for pictures.

My thinking is this: people come to weddings for free food, so they can wait for us to finish the important stuff before they eat.


I understand your problem, and worry over it. But in the end it won't matter, the people that don't come or don't stay are not really that important. You and your husband will be married and that is all that matters.

OwningAHome1981

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_time-gap-between-ceremony-reception-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:2ead0cf2-bda4-47bf-b0d7-bc56f89a5025Post:c53e2faa-a876-4fa6-afe4-a17582d570d5">Re: Time Gap Between Ceremony & Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a gap i my wedding too. Ceremony starts at 3 lasts an hour and then dinner starts 6. Our plan is to have appetizers start at 4:30 (no cocktail hour because we're having a dry wedding) but also start the music around 5. Our wedding is all at one location too. We need time for pictures. My thinking is this: people come to weddings for free food, so they can wait for us to finish the important stuff before they eat.<strong> I understand your problem, and worry over it. But in the end it won't matter, the people that don't come or don't stay are not really that important. You and your husband will be married and that is all that matters.
</strong>Posted by shtwilight[/QUOTE]

No, it is HER wedding but she still needs to be a good host for her guests.

jessicabessica

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_time-gap-between-ceremony-reception-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:2ead0cf2-bda4-47bf-b0d7-bc56f89a5025Post:c53e2faa-a876-4fa6-afe4-a17582d570d5">Re: Time Gap Between Ceremony & Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a gap i my wedding too. Ceremony starts at 3 lasts an hour and then dinner starts 6. Our plan is to have appetizers start at 4:30 (no cocktail hour because we're having a dry wedding) but also start the music around 5. Our wedding is all at one location too. We need time for pictures. My thinking is this: people come to weddings for free food, so they can wait for us to finish the important stuff before they eat. I understand your problem, and worry over it. But in the end it won't matter, the people that don't come or don't stay are not really that important. You and your husband will be married and that is all that matters.
Posted by shtwilight[/QUOTE]

<div>nviting your loved ones to your wedding shouldn't be about seeing how much they will put up with.  If you feel that people are just coming to your wedding for free food, why bother inviting them?</div><div>
</div><div>I would have appetizers served immediately after the ceremony (what are guests supposed to do in between, just stand around the venue?), and try to join the party by 5:30, because 90 minutes is pushing it for a cocktail hour, especially a dry one (so I guess a social hour).  </div>

HobokensFury

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_time-gap-between-ceremony-reception-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:2ead0cf2-bda4-47bf-b0d7-bc56f89a5025Post:c53e2faa-a876-4fa6-afe4-a17582d570d5">Re: Time Gap Between Ceremony & Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a gap i my wedding too. Ceremony starts at 3 lasts an hour and then dinner starts 6. Our plan is to have appetizers start at 4:30 (no cocktail hour because we're having a dry wedding) but also start the music around 5. Our wedding is all at one location too. We need time for pictures. My thinking is this: people come to weddings for free food, so they can wait for us to finish the important stuff before they eat. I understand your problem, and worry over it. But in the end it won't matter, the people that don't come or don't stay are not really that important. You and your husband will be married and that is all that matters.
Posted by shtwilight[/QUOTE]



Op do not listen to this terrible advice.

LiLe422

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_time-gap-between-ceremony-reception-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:2ead0cf2-bda4-47bf-b0d7-bc56f89a5025Post:a9f998f2-633c-470b-99de-181e80f77faa">Time Gap Between Ceremony & Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]We are having a 2pm ceremony, and pictures immediately afterwards.  Our venue is a private chalet, where the ceremony is upstairs and the reception downstairs.  However, the buffet reception starts at 6pm.  We have invited guests back to the chalet for 5pm for drinks.  Is it unreasonable to think guests can leave after the ceremony and head to town (2-3mins away), and return between 5-6pm?  I like the idea of serving some food with drinks at 5pm, but my FH does not.  His family says <strong>it's not uncommon to have gaps between the ceremony and reception, and it's not MY/OUR responsponsibility to entertain them or feed them until dinner.  </strong>Any suggestions or etiquette advice on this?  Thanks!!
Posted by miranda holly[/QUOTE]

Actually it<em> is</em> your responsibility.  What you're planning is very rude to your guests.  I hope you realize you're going to lose a lot of guests in between ceremony and reception with a 3+ hour gap.

Avion22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_time-gap-between-ceremony-reception-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:2ead0cf2-bda4-47bf-b0d7-bc56f89a5025Post:c53e2faa-a876-4fa6-afe4-a17582d570d5">Re: Time Gap Between Ceremony & Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a gap i my wedding too. Ceremony starts at 3 lasts an hour and then dinner starts 6. Our plan is to have appetizers start at 4:30 (no cocktail hour because we're having a dry wedding) but also start the music around 5. Our wedding is all at one location too. <strong>We need time for pictures. My thinking is this: people come to weddings for free food, so they can wait for us to finish the important stuff before they eat.</strong> I understand your problem, and worry over it. But in the end it won't matter, <strong>the people that don't come or don't stay are not really that important.</strong> You and your husband will be married and that is all that matters.
Posted by shtwilight[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I'm sorry, what???  You think taking YOUR precious pictures is more important than entertaining your guests???  </div><div>
</div><div>You can take your pictures before the ceremony and join in the cocktail hour (or appetizers or whatever), or you can do some before so that you spend NO MORE THAN AN HOUR doing them after the ceremony.  This is easily possible, and most of us have done it.   You shouldn't keep your guests waiting for hours and hours just because you want pictures taken....

</div><div>Also, YOU are treating your guests like they aren't important...and that is really rude.  Your guests are the reason for having a recpetion in the first time.  It is to thank THEM for coming to see you get married.</div>

QueerFemme

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_time-gap-between-ceremony-reception-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:2ead0cf2-bda4-47bf-b0d7-bc56f89a5025Post:c53e2faa-a876-4fa6-afe4-a17582d570d5">Re: Time Gap Between Ceremony & Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a gap i my wedding too. Ceremony starts at 3 lasts an hour and then dinner starts 6. Our plan is to have appetizers start at 4:30 (no cocktail hour because we're having a dry wedding) but also start the music around 5. Our wedding is all at one location too. We need time for pictures. My thinking is this: people come to weddings for free food, so they can wait for us to finish the important stuff before they eat. I understand your problem, and worry over it. But in the end it won't matter, the people that don't come or don't stay are not really that important. You and your husband will be married and that is all that matters.
Posted by shtwilight[/QUOTE]

ugh.. this is horrible advice and you are being incredibly rude to your guests.  You should start your appetizers and music at 4, as soon as your ceremony is over and your dinner by 4:45-5:00pm.  Your "social/appetizer hour" should be no more than an hour. And since your ceremony and reception are in the same location, there is no travel time between events.   

You should take the majority of your photos BEFORE the ceremony.  45-60 minutes is plenty of time for photos if you plan correctly.

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_time-gap-between-ceremony-reception-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:2ead0cf2-bda4-47bf-b0d7-bc56f89a5025Post:c53e2faa-a876-4fa6-afe4-a17582d570d5">Re: Time Gap Between Ceremony & Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]My thinking is this: people come to weddings for free food, so they can wait for us to finish the important stuff before they eat. I understand your problem, and worry over it. But in the end it won't matter, the people that don't come or don't stay are not really that important.
Posted by shtwilight[/QUOTE]



I have never attended a wedding for the free food. I attend them b/c I care about the people getting married, and I assume they care about me, or they wouldn't have invited me. However, if I were to find out my hosts had this attitude, I would be forced to assume they really only invited me in the hopes of getting my gift. What a terrible way to treat your guests.

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_time-gap-between-ceremony-reception-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:2ead0cf2-bda4-47bf-b0d7-bc56f89a5025Post:a9f998f2-633c-470b-99de-181e80f77faa">Time Gap Between Ceremony & Reception</a>:
[QUOTE] it's not MY/OUR responsponsibility to entertain them or feed them until dinner. 
Posted by miranda holly[/QUOTE]

It sure as hell is.

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_time-gap-between-ceremony-reception-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:2ead0cf2-bda4-47bf-b0d7-bc56f89a5025Post:c53e2faa-a876-4fa6-afe4-a17582d570d5">Re: Time Gap Between Ceremony & Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a gap i my wedding too. Ceremony starts at 3 lasts an hour and then dinner starts 6. Our plan is to have appetizers start at 4:30 (no cocktail hour because we're having a dry wedding) but also start the music around 5. Our wedding is all at one location too. We need time for pictures. My thinking is this: people come to weddings for free food, so they can wait for us to finish the important stuff before they eat. I understand your problem, and worry over it. But in the end it won't matter, the people that don't come or don't stay are not really that important. You and your husband will be married and that is all that matters.
Posted by shtwilight[/QUOTE]

There's this crazy thing called a "Cocktail Hour."  It exists so that you are hosting your guests (as you should) while you go off to do those necessary pictures. 

Your attitude in this post?  Abysmal. 

katey911

I completely disagree with the posters who say having a gap is rude, and that it's the bride's (and groom's) duty to entertain guests at all times.

Everything, everywhere, says the wedding day is "the bride's day" and that she should do/get what she wants. If she doesn't want to do a "first look" for pictures, she doesn't have to.

I think guests understand that pictures need to be taken and that takes time. If you have a large family (or two!), and go to different locations for the pictures, it could easily take three hours.

I've gone to weddings that had a gap in between and it's been no big deal. My date & I have gone somewhere and grabbed a drink, or finished wrapping the gift, or gotten a repalcement pair of nylons when mine ripped, or a hundred other things. I've never heard anyone complain about the time frame, and the only people who didn't return for the reception were those who had prior engagements.

For those of you who are making judgements about the bride's attitude or telling her what she "should" do, for shame. The only thing she should do is what she & her hubby want most.

melb2013

Just say no to gaps...  you can do pictures during cocktail hour or you can do it before the ceremony.  Those are your only two options.  

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_time-gap-between-ceremony-reception-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:2ead0cf2-bda4-47bf-b0d7-bc56f89a5025Post:213d0fe0-9a64-4738-8b75-9f84124e6f13">Re: Time Gap Between Ceremony & Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]I completely disagree with the posters who say having a gap is rude, and that it's the bride's (and groom's) duty to entertain guests at all times. Everything, everywhere, says the wedding day is "the bride's day" and that she should do/get what she wants.  The only thing she should do is what she & her hubby want most.
Posted by katey911[/QUOTE]

It's not "the bride's day!"  Holy crap - she has a fiance/husband, no?  I'm pretty sure his opinion counts.  This whole idea that bride is the only one who matters is sickening.

And yes, IT IS THE HOST'S RESPONSIBILITY TO HOST.  A wedding is one event - ceremony + reception.  There is no break or time-out.  Once invited, you are hosted until the very end.  Hosting means food, drink and entertainment.  This isn't opinion, this is FACT.  So, before you post bad advice again, I suggest getting an etiquette book on hosting and weddings in particular.

beardownbchs

My cousin had a 2:00 church ceremony and a 6:00 reception at another location. On a Sunday. Everyone stood around the parking lot of the church afterwards and complained and talked about what they were going to do. There were few bars in between the locations and we had a hell of a time finding a place to watch the football game. We got to the reception location at 5:30 and all the appetizers were already gone. So many people had gone directly to the reception after the ceremony that the venue didn't know what to do with them and started opening the bar and bringing out the food. But cocktail hour didn't technically start until 6:00 so we stood around (there were no tables or seating) until like 7:30 when they opened the doors to the reception hall for dinner. We were literally looking at our watches waiting for entrees and dessert so we could get out of there. When dessert was served, it was like a movie let out - at least half the people left immediately after they got their dessert. It was horrible. One of the longest, most boring days of my life.

So, to sum up my super long story, gaps are never okay. They might be forgivable if it's a church wedding and the church has time restrictions but they should offer some sort of refreshments/entertainment between. PPs have said this well - once you invite other people, it's not just about you. And there's also that groom guy. Having a wedding does not give you the okay to treat people poorly. It's not a get out of jail free card.

if you want it to be "just about you" don't invite other people. And give your husband my sympathy.

katey911

Miranda, good luck wih your decision. I suggest you not tell others what you choose to do. I know I sure won't be sharing details of my special day with strangers who then attack me for my choices.

AdeleDazeem

Your choices are in poor taste.  Sorry to burst your bubble.

MoxieMickie

If you do have this planned gap, Expect people to skip your ceremony or your reception, regardless of how they RSVPd. Expect people to leave your reception early, since they've had a long day of filling a gap. They won't tell you some may spontaneously make the decision not to go back and you won't have the chance to argue it's Your Special Day so they should do whatever you want.

NOLAbridealmost

There is absolutely no excuse for a gap of any kind when the reception and ceremony are in the same location. Period. Immediately open the bar (or provide beverages if the wedding is dry) and have some light snacks and music playing, Even punch, a veggie tray, and iPod will do. Do this for no longer than an hour during pictures. Then join your guests and serve dinner. Easy peezy.

Dreamergirl8812

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_time-gap-between-ceremony-reception-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:2ead0cf2-bda4-47bf-b0d7-bc56f89a5025Post:c53e2faa-a876-4fa6-afe4-a17582d570d5">Re: Time Gap Between Ceremony & Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a gap i my wedding too. Ceremony starts at 3 lasts an hour and then dinner starts 6. Our plan is to have appetizers start at 4:30 (no cocktail hour because we're having a dry wedding) but also start the music around 5. Our wedding is all at one location too. We need time for pictures. My thinking is this: people come to weddings for free food, so they can wait for us to finish the important stuff before they eat. I understand your problem, and worry over it. But in the end it won't matter, the people that don't come or don't stay are not really that important. You and your husband will be married and that is all that matters.
Posted by shtwilight[/QUOTE]

This is the best advice anyone could have given you. If you have a 3 hours gap, you will come across as this poster did: not well.

If you want your guests to think that you don't care about them, have a gap.

If your friends are so awful that they only come to your wedding for free food, then have a gap.

If you don't care if people actually show up, have a gap.

miranda holly

thank you katey911... i've learned my lesson.  thanks to all the other advise.  i thought i was clear that I didn't want a gap, and it was my FI and his family that said it wasn't rude to have one. And they are paying for a good chunk of the wedding. 

I am having a cocktail hour, full dinner, and open bar.  We don't agree with "first look" pictures, and need a bit of time in between the ceremony and reception.  I do not want to put any guests out, and am trying to figure out all the small details... after all, it's my first time planning a wedding!