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Debate: How far is too far?

Would you let your parents take a home equity loan to pay for your wedding?I know, this sounds crazy but I know people whose parents did this and they the couple makes six figures.I think this is appalling. Lets discuss. Anyone care to defend?

Re: Debate: How far is too far?

  • edited December 2011
    absolutely not. thats crazy.
  • edited December 2011
    No, that is ridiculous.However, DH felt really badly about how much money our parents (his included) spent on the wedding. I refused to feel guilty about it. They are adults, they know what they can afford, and they offered it - we didn't ask.So, I'd rather focus on being appreciative and grateful, rather than feel guilty about the money being spent, which is how he felt.However, if I knew my parents were putting themselves into debt or risking their retirements, it would have been a different situation.
  • edited December 2011
    Ditto JessH. My parents gave me a budget that I stuck to (some things they chose to do, like next-day brunch put us over) My parents would havent given me a budget that they couldnt afford.
  • edited December 2011
    Absolutely ridiculous IMO.  I know someone who's parents did that.  They divorced within 2 years.  If the parents do it willingly, then I think it's their problem.  If the kid asks for an extravagant wedding and expects that they will pay, something is then wrong too if the parents can't stand up to their kid and say no.  I didn't ask my parents for a cent because I knew of their financial situation, although they offered to pay for my dress with a very comfortable budget. This is the same friend (well, now ex friend) who when I told her my parents weren't funding my wedding, was like, "WHAT? That's their DUTY!"  To hell it's not!  And she wasn't invited.  =)
  • edited December 2011
    This is so rediculous.  First off, the damage that is done to the parents and their relationship.  Second, the mixture of emotions the parents must feel towards their child- yes, they offered, but the gauntlet of emotions ranging from jealousy to resentment must weigh heavily on them.  Not only that, but if you are making that much money and still have not learned saving techniques to put enough of away to help pay for your child's wedding (this is assuming they wanted to do this, and were not asked by the child), then I just don't know what to say to that.  Not only that, but what about the child?  They are going to have this extravagant wedding, and are probably used to some sort of lifestyle of luxury.  What happens when they are married and on their own, the credit card payments are due, they call mommy and daddy, and mommy and daddy say "you are an adult now, you need to pay them yourselves"?  This child is going to have such a complex later down the road, and it cannot be good for their marriage.And I agree with PP, if the child asked for this and the parents can't stand up to their kid, there is something very wrong with this picture.It's just a bad, bad situation and idea all around.
  • edited December 2011
    That is absolutely INSANE. I understand wanting to have the "wedding of your dreams" & all but taking out a home equity loan? Let's be realistic here - this is for ONE day.
  • matthew24matthew24 member
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Yup, I would take my parents to the bank and wipe them clean for that's what they get for denying me my pony when I was 6.
  • edited December 2011
    It's all about money manipulation.  If you can take from a home equity line of credit and then pay it back at a lower interest rate, that sounds better to me than charging to a high interest credit card.
  • tracyd21tracyd21 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My parents were pretty adamant about what they wanted to pay for, and we could do little to convince them otherwise. I am positive my parents did not take out a loan, though. They insisted on paying for my dress and the reception and we paid for everything else. We were very fortunate to have their generosity. I do have a friend who took out a loan to pay for her wedding. This, to me, is silly.
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  • edited December 2011
    Ridiculous and hell no I would not let my parents do that, now would I do that for myself.  My parents have, very gernerously offered to help pay for a number of things for the wedding, and FI and I are paying for the honeymoon/reception and a few of the other vendors... if we can't afford it, we don't do it or we fiddle and compromise.  Speaking of loans though, FI's sister told us we should take out a loan for the wedding, she ALMOST convinced FI into actually doing it.. until I pointed out that a) we were not going into debt for this.  b) we had given ourselves a nice long engagement to save and c) why would we follow the finacial advice of someone who can't handle her own finances? 
  • edited December 2011
    I personally think it's a bit much.  If they can't afford it, then they really shouldn't be going into debt for it.  That is, if they can even get approved for a loan (credit crisis anyone??).  No one needs more debt in this economy.Although apprently, my FMIL is selling a kidney to get a dress and pay for a rehearsal dinner.  Selling organs might be another post though...     
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  • edited December 2011
    Maybe Pharm Jen, but I know a few people who have considered selling their eggs... for reasons other than a wedding. : )
  • angel33284angel33284 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Finances go up and down depending on the economy, the stock market, recent purchases. You may not know the whole story behind it. Maybe the parents can afford the wedding but just booked a trip to Italy or something. People get home equity loans to pay for cars, additions to the house, vacations. It's really the whole point in owning a house if you think about it. It's like an insurance policy if you need money. Otherwise you just pay on it for 30 years, you enjoy it for 20 with no payment and then you die and leave it to your kids. In you can;t use it to borrow against you might as well just rent your whole life. And maybe the wedding just came at an unfortunate time when they have their money locked up in bonds or something. I know two sisters who got married 4 months apart. I'm sure their parents didn't see that one coming. It really wasn't fair to ask the parents to pay for 2 weddings in the span of 18 months. But they did it somehow. And ya know, with today's low interest rates on loans it might have been smart for them to take out a loan instead of dipping into their savings.
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