I don't understand...

vchuchman

My local board is constantly puzzling me.  I grew up in Chicago and weddings were an occasion.  You were invited, children were not, and the invitation meant ceremony and dinner. 

I have heard of everything from ceremony and church basement finger sandwiches, to self serve bar, to what I can only describe as a "caste system" of guests.  Everyone can come to the ceremony, then guests for cocktails and dinner, guests for dinner, guests for dessert and dancing.  

What is going on here? I seem to be ostracized, and questioned by guests "which part" of the day they are invited to. I'm saying, "if I invite you to my wedding, I'm inviting you to my WEDDING".  

How can I handle this?  Not only for my guests, but as I have misunderstood invitations to me as a guest.  

Trying to avoid a Faux Paus....

gottahavashorti

The caste system is a faux pas.  Hold your ground and when questioned, laugh it off  as "Of course you're invited to the ceremony and entire reception.  Why in the world would I invite someone to half of an event?"

After all, you woudln't invite someone to your birthday party and kick them out when it's time for the birthday cake.

sashajm

Just to add a different perspective (I'm an American living in Norway), here the ceremony is normally announced in the newspaper the week before or so and anyone and everyone can show up. Only those who are invited attend the dinner reception.  After the dinner, cakes and coffee are served and more guests (for example, people who you maybe work with but don't have a very close relationship) are often invited to this part. 

lyndausvi

I grew up in DE/Philly area.    Kids who were up to first cousins were invited.  Extended family's kids and friends kids were not.  No questioneds asked.  Everyone always had a meal and open bar regardless of time of day.

I never heard of tiered receptions until I got here.  They would never fly in my world.  We would be like WTF??

Sue-n-Kevin

LOL at what you describe! Ditto what everyone else said.

Different parts of the country appear to have different customs. When I was dating someone back in 70's, his brother got married and it was a cash bar, which in the Midwest was never heard of.

If you haven't done your invitations yet, maybe make it clear there. Send one invitation, with wording indicating the invitee is invited for the ceremony and reception to follow. I've NEVER received an invitation that excluded me from any part of the festivities, so I don't understand any of this.

Good luck.

laurening

The caste system/tiered wedding is a major faux pas. A person is either an invited guest or not. Many churches publish the wedding announcement in the church bulletin  and anyone in the congregation can show up to the ceremony, but that's it. It's said that poor manners have so permeated wedding planning that guests automatically assume it's a tier system.

It's fine to do the finger sandwiches in the church basement (doesn't have to be a full on reception) but that should be the extent of the reception. There shouldn't be another party afterwards for only some of the guests.

I'd just be clear in the invitations. Ceremony at 4PM and "please join us for reception dinner and dancing immediately following at..."

SuMmErKuTiE

I've never heard of a tiered reception either. I've also never been invited to a wedding that didn't include going to the ceremony and full reception. Everyone we invite is invited to both the ceremony and the reception. The reception is a gift to the guests to thank them for coming to your ceremony to watch you get married. If I were ever at a wedding where people left after one part, I'd start asking around "where are they going? It's not over yet!"

lynlovesjoe

My fiance was invited to a wedding banquet at a restraunt, it's a chinese thing, I guess. But it just listed his name and not mine, so I was hurt. But they didn't invite him to the tea ceremony or whatever.
He was also invited to a wedding and the invite listed "and Guest" so I told him to bring his mom or someone random to make a point, and so he just went to the banquet reception, and I guess a lot of his friends choose to not go to the ceremony either. I guess many people hate the ceremony part of weddings.

It's also big in Eritrean weddings for guests to be invited to separate wedding events on two days of a weekend, everybody and the world is invited to the church ceremony and then certain people can come to the receptions (plural), but they are also huge events with frequent crashers. My MOH goes to those nearly monthly.